Supernatural Death Note Chapter 56

Authors: Lady Laran and Tisha Wyman Warnings: Bad language, violence, and some sex. Spoilers: My favorite show is Supernatural. Anyone who knows me will say I am almost obsessed, unless they happen to be Laran, who knows I am. Laran loves Death Note. We both love to write. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd be writing an alternate universe/crossover between the two. What started as a several chapter story has turned into a novel The story had a life of its own. This saga begins towards the end of season 4 and before L truly got involved with the Death Note. This is a story of healing, family,friendship, humor, and horror. We do not own either show or its characters, but I'd take Dean in a heartbeat. We make no money from them. Thank you for reading. Comments are highly appreciated.

Prank Aftermaths

Morning came early for the hunter. He woke, not feeling rested, but got up, and headed out to find L. The seventh floor and the big room was his destination.

He was moving slower than usual, exhaustion still dragging him down, but with typical Dean stubbornness, no one was going to know.

L was in his usual crouch, nibbling on a donut as he typed one handedly on his computer.

Dean stood watching him for a moment. “L, I've come to apologize, and, um, ask how I can work off paying to take care of Matt's stuff. I want to pay for it.”

"Apology accepted though unnecessary. The boys rarely have someone who can prank them back. Matt was able to salvage the equipment. However, if you feel that some sort of reparation needs to be made, perhaps imparting some of your knowledge to them for future cases would be a good trade off."

The hunter nodded, sad down on a chair and exhaled softly. “Yeah, I can do that. I'd like to. Would you mind Sam being involved? There's stuff he does better. Computer stuff, some research. I'm as good at book research as he is, but he's faster on the PC.”

L nodded. "He may learn a few things from Matt about computer research so I do not mind. The boys are enjoying having the company of your family here. It can be a bit slow for three teenagers at times, no matter how mature they are."

It's been helpful for us. Sam and I needed this. Thank you. As for the boys, I've enjoyed every minute of it, and I think Sam has too.”

Another nod was given. "So it is a good trade off."

“I think I'm getting the better end of the deal, but yeah.”

"Good. Watari should be bringing breakfast to you soon."

A slight sigh of weariness slipped past the hunter's guard. “I guess I had better get back down there. Thanks, L.” He rose quicker then usual and walked at a fast pace as he left the room, making up for the mistake of the sigh. By the time he reached the elevator, he was tired. “Damn,” he muttered under his breath. He reached his room and entered.

The older man was waiting for him.

Dean had expected to beat Watari to his room and did not see him at first. He slipped in and shut the door, leaning against it, his eyes closed.

"Dean, why did you wake so early?"

Jumping a foot, the hunter hissed when he moved the shoulder the wrong way. He must've bruised it when he fell last night, was his thought.

“You scared me. I didn't see you. I slept, it wasn't a very deep sleep though. Bad dreams, hurting some, concerned about Matt and Mello. Bad night is all.”

"After breakfast, you should try to rest," he murmured, pouring the tea for Dean.

“I'm not even hungry, to be honest.” He smiled a soft smile that reached his eyes. “What new food am I going to like today, Watari?” It wasn't his usual, almost boisterous question, but he was trying.

"I had a feeling you'd be in pain today, so I kept it light. Toast, fruit, and some bacon."

The same soft smile was on his face, but his eyes were moist. “I'm going to miss you, Watari, when we have to leave. No one has ever really taken care of me since Mom died. Well, Bobby did, but that was when I was 4. Not since I was old enough to be a hunter. Thank you."

"I'm certain our paths will cross, and your computer has my email address saved in the program."

“Good. I'd hate to not be able to come to you if I need someone to talk to, or if I can't remember a certain food you said I should eat.” Dean picked up a slice of toast and some bacon. He slowly chewed, trying to keep his eyes open.

Watari smiled. "This will be a good way to keep in touch, I'm sure."

Dean was really struggling to keep his eyes open. He looked at Watari. He knew he hadn't been sleeping good. He was usually able to stay awake when needed. The exhausted man wanted to ask the older one if he'd slipped him one of those pills that had helped him before. He didn't know how to ask without offending him and he wouldn't do that. It was getting difficult to keep his eyes open.

Watari shook his head, helping the man to bed once he'd finished eating. "No, I didn't slip anything into your food," he murmured, knowing the other was confused about the sudden exhaustion. "Your body is reacting to all the demands being placed on it. Rest now."

The young man stared at Watari. “How did you? I don't” He couldn't finish the sentences, his mind was not working right. He murmured “thank you” as he dozed off

The older man tucked him in, then removed the remains of breakfast and left him to sleep.

In that twilight between being awake and sleeping, Dean felt the other man tuck him in, and felt content and peace envelope him. It felt like Mom and home.

The group let him rest, knowing that sleep was the best medicine the man needed right then.

Dean slept the day away, waking up towards seven in the evening. He moved carefully, feeling muscle pain but his shoulder did not seem to have suffered any other damage. He leaned over and turned on the table lamp. He went to the restroom, and climbed back into the bed, reaching for his book. He did not feel hungry, so he just read.

Near tapped on the door.

“Come in.”

The white haired male came in bearing a small plate and a can of soda carefully balanced. "Near has brought Dean something to eat."

Dean looked up, happy to see the young man. “Thanks, Near. What'd ya bring?”

"Sandwich, fruit, and a drink. Dean requires sustenance to heal and take medication."

“I guess I do. Dean sat up more and took the plate while Near set the drink on the bedside table. “I thought I'd stay put this evening. Read a little and than more sleep. Lazy in a way, but I've never done it before.”

Near nodded. "Rest is the best medicine for healing."

“Are you resting enough?”

"The others have been seeing to it."

“Good to know. I worry about you.”

"Dean should not. Dean has plenty more to worry about in regards to Dean's own health." He slipped into a chair near the other's bed, one leg pulled close to his chest.

“In what way is mine plenty more?”

"L has said that Dean will be working to kill a demon once Dean's health has returned. Plus training those chosen to back Dean up during this hunt. Near does not know how well Dean has progressed in regards to the work with L and Watari but knows that some things can take time."

“Sam is going to help me with the training. The shoulder just takes time. I hope to lay out training plans this week with Sam and then present them to L. I hope you will train too. I know the physical is not possible right now, but you can watch that. There's other things it would be good for you to know.”

"Dean believes this?"

“That you should learn these things? Yes, of course I do. Demons can go anywhere.There's other evil you need to know about. I'm gonna teach all of you.”

"Near is being trained as a detective..as are Matt and Mello. Does Dean believe these things will cross Near's path again?”

“To be the best in any field, you look at every advantage and disadvantage, Near. They know you're out there now,and they know you helped me. Yeah, they could show up again, or something equally as bad, if not worse. It never hurts to be prepared. Just in case.”

He slowly nodded, thinking over what Dean was saying. "L has said that if Dean felt up to it, the lessons were to start tomorrow."

Dean nodded. “If you see Sam, would you ask him to come see me when he has time? Tell him to bring his computer.”

"Near will do this." He rose to his feet, taking that as a dismissal.

“You don't have to leave, Near. That request was for when you leave, not this moment. We haven't had a chance to talk in a while. How are you feeling?”

The white haired teen sank back down, resuming his usual position. "Near is improving. How is Dean?"

“I was doing much better til last night. Ah well, I learned that when you're hurt, be more careful. I'm waiting to see what Mello talks Sam into helping him do. L says it is a prank war. My shoulder didn't seem to suffer from it, but I hurt all over, and it did ache. I'm still exhausted. I need to start training again. I've gotten out of shape.”

"L said physical training with the chosen ones would begin once Dean was in better health."

“Sam will start the basic stuff, and I will take over later.”

He nodded. "Which ones will Dean take?"

“The ones who can do the job. The others will handle the attack from base, like before. It may not be that they aren't capable but are more needed here. Like you and Matt were.”

The small teenager shook his head. "So Mello then."

“If Mello can do the book learning as well as the physical, then he will definitely. Sam will be monitoring from here, because he can't go. I would like more than Mello. We'll see.”

Near's voice was soft. "There are good reasons Matt and Mello are here with Near. Near believes Dean will be surprised by the results of the book work."

“It has to become second nature for protection. It's got to be something when you see it, you think I know that. You remember and you do what needs to be done. I'm always remembering stuff I've read somewhere, or Sam will. We work together. It's a team effort.”

The response was once again soft. "Most view detectives as those searching for wealth and glory. But it is a job of sacrifice to protect the others as well. It is one reason L insisted that each of L's heirs are trained to defend themselves."

“I know you are all well trained. All I'm gonna do is finesse it to fit certain creatures.”

"Near will not be at full strength by the time Dean is ready to go. If Dean will allow, Near can assist with research and guidance from a central location."

“I'd feel better knowing I had you and Sam there watching over us. You know the set up and stuff better, but he knows better then anyone, what we're after.”

Near nodded. "Near will operate at the highest level of efficiency to assist the team."

“I haven't told this to anyone, Near. When I was in the queen's chamber with Ruby and that thing, I was scared, but I knew you had my back on that system you and Matt had set up. I wasn't completely alone. It made me feel better knowing it. You kept me sane.”

Gray eyes lightened a bit. "Near is pleased to hear that."

“It's the truth.”

He nodded.

Dean laid back on the pillows and stared at the younger man. “I've never been one for chick flick moments, Near, but I've learned a lot lately. One thing I know is that there are five people in the world who mean everything to me,...who I'd die for....Sam, you, Bobby, Ellen, and Jo. That's it. Cas, maybe, but he can take care of himself so I've never really added him. Now, I care about L, Mello, Matt, and Watari, and I would do the same for them. But you five, I really consider family. They are best friends.”

Near's voice was quiet. "Near believes that the others would say the same. Near has never been considered family before." L probably viewed the trio as little brothers or sons but had never said anything..not that he needed to. The way he made sure they were safe and taken care of emphasized in their minds that he did care.

“You're mine, Near. Come to think of it, I'd have to add Watari to the family list. I feel like we've gone beyond friends.”

"Watari does have that grandfatherly appeal, Near has noticed."

“Yes,” the hunter replied. “He's done things for me that no one has ever done. Not just taking care of me either. He helped me face myself. L did too, don't get me wrong, but Watari does it in a different way that touched me.”

He nodded, fingers playing with his hair. "L is as unused to people as Near is, though L is able to interact better."

“I never saw a problem between us, Near. You and I interact just fine.”

"Dean is different from other people."

“I know I have very little manners, I can be really goofy and stupid, and I can get very bossy. It's been embarrassing for Dad and Sam a lot of times in the past.”

The teenager shook his head. "When Near is among other people, Near is stared at as if Near is a member of 'freak' show. Near knows that Near is unusual. Dean has never treated Near that way."

“Near, I've spent my whole life dealing with the strange and unusual. I have a brother addicted to demon blood. I've been to hell. You are the most normal person I've ever known. I never saw you as a freak or unusual. You're shy. You can't be outside but there are others with that condition. You have a super intelligence, but I'm used to Sam, and he can't compare to you. Difference is you will talk to me about things and explain them. Sam never used to do that. You don't think I'm stupid. I know Sam doesn't but he used to treat me like I was. That's not happening any more and I'm grateful.”

"There are no stupid people, only ignorant ones."

“Yeah, well....I'm probably one of the most ignorant there is. I do enjoy being a kid once in a while. I know it has upset Sam in the past. I can't help that. I am who I am. Sometimes, I just need....to be what I never got to be.”

"And the time is now," he answered. "Dean is not one of the most ignorant. Near has seen worse. Sam Winchester did a grave disservice to Dean by not sharing the knowledge Sam Winchester has learned. Near hopes that Sam Winchester will learn from this and help Dean."

“That would be nice, Near. Dean sighed. “I'm not gonna ask him. Sam has a lot on his plate right now. He offered to help me with my core math classes when I start school, and that was really nice of him because he plans to go back too. I don't really expect him to even think about teaching me anything else. We got enough to deal with without him thinking about that. Matt made him feel guilty, but we have so much to deal with right now, it makes that a very small thing. No, I won't bring it up. I'll figure this out on my own. If I can't, then I'll ask.”

"Matt is good at guilt trips," he responded. "And offering to assist with maths is a start."

“It's a big start, Near, and that's why I'm not asking for more from him. It wouldn't be right with all we're dealing with right now.”

"Dean must not be afraid to ask for more help though. Sam Winchester cannot provide assistance if help is not asked for."

“Right now, there is so much on the computer I want to learn but L gave me that laptop and Matt taught me quit a bit but I haven't even showed it to Sam. It's password protected with a special thumb print id on it. That's hidden on it. I'd like Sam to teach me but I'm not sure how L would feel about him even being around it when it's up and running. There's stuff on it that Sam is not supposed see, or there will be. I'm keeping a journal on it. I can't ask him, can I?”

A tiny half smile showed. "Dean can ask Matt, Mello, or Near. Matt programmed the computer to allow for instant messaging. If Dean has a question and Near, Mello or Matt is on, Dean can ask."

“Really? What the hell is My Space?”

Near nodded. "My space is a site that allows for people to interact with one another. The user can decorate it to his or her taste, photographs, music, and the like."

Dean's eyes opened wide and his jaw dropped. “That girl gave me her My Space page address and he didn't tell me what it was? Now why would he do that?”

"Near does not know."

“That doesn't make sense. She was cute, too.” Dean shook his head. Where would be a good start to learn the computer, Near? Word processing or something simpler?”

Near was quiet for a moment. "General applications. How to maintain it and work from there. Matt does most of the maintenance if the systems go sour but L, Near, Mello, and Watari are fully capable of taking care of the computers as well."

“Sam's gonna see me with the computer at some point. As long as he is just answering questions or showing me something, would it be wrong? I mean, if I need to know something, and he's there, how do I tell him no?”

"Keep the documents under a folder where Sam Winchester cannot find it. Near is certain that the contents are encrypted anyway so even if Sam were able to log on, Sam would not be able to open the files."

“Yeah, I can do that. I'd like to be able to ask Sam for help. It's something he might be willing to teach me. I'll go for deeper stuff from you guys. Sam won't go deep, because he'll think I need to learn little by little. Unless, he honestly believes that I can do it, now. Have to see about that one, won't we?”

Near nodded. "Indeed."

Dean was yawning, as he lay back against the pillows of his bed. “Near, you won't forget to tell Sam I need to talk to him about the training if it's gonna start tomorrow? I have no idea if he'll want to talk tonight or if he'll want to wait until morning. I thought I ought to research a little to tonight because we're starting in the classroom. Is there anything in particular that you want to learn?”

"Near is unsure, honestly.This is completely new. Would Dean like to speak to Sam Winchester now?"

“I need to talk to him fairly soon, but I don't want you to feel that you have to leave. I enjoy being around you.”

"Dean is showing signs of exhaustion. So the conversation with Sam Winchester must take place soon before Dean sleeps."

“Since all this crap happened, exhaustion is all I seem to show signs of lately. I'm sorry, Near. I don't know what to do to stop it. Do You?”

"The body demands rest as part of the healing process," he answered softly. "Even Near has been resting more."

“Yeah, well, mine is not getting the rest it should, I guess. I don't deal with opening up to things very well. The prank didn't help much. I don't know how to just be still. I've always had to be doing, taking care of things. I'm not used to people caring enough to take of me. It's not a concept I'm used to.”

"Learning meditation may assist in that."

“I appreciate the suggestion, but I'm really not the meditating type, Near. My mind is constantly going from one thing to another. It's had to with my job.”

"Which causes burn out fast," he pointed out.

“What the hell am I supposed to meditate on? I don't even understand that stuff? That type of concentration is exhausting too, Near.”

"If Dean were to take twenty minutes before bed to simply clear the mind, let it rest before allowing the body to rest, it would enable Dean to sleep better. Meditation does not have to be on a certain subject."

“Simply clear my mind? Really? It's simple to do that, because I don't know that my mind would understand the concept of clear?”

The white haired teen was quiet for a moment. "Near will let Sam Winchester know that Dean needs Sam Winchester. After the conversation is finished, Near will return and show Dean how to do this."

“I'll try, Near, but I've got this mantra that goes through my head at all hours. It's something important I have to keep reminding myself. If I can get past that, maybe? I don't know, but I'll try.”

"It is not a matter of trying but simply doing. Near will go and fetch Sam Winchester." He slipped to his feet and left, going to find Sam.

The teen did not look back or he would have seen the look of utter confusion on the hunter's face.

The small teen approached Sam, who was reading over a book in a room with Mello and Matt.

Sam looked up from his book and smiled. “Do you need something, Near?”

"Dean has asked if Sam Winchester would meet with Dean to discuss tomorrow."

Sam told Near thank you. Putting a piece of paper in the book to save his place, he rose and headed towards the door.

Near went to retrieve a few items to help with Dean's meditation later once the conversation was finished.

Dean was running the conversation with Near through his mind, trying to figure how one simply cleared one's mind. He didn't think it was possible, but if it was, he wanted to learn how. Anything to get thoughts out of his mind so he could sleep better. Waiting until he dropped was not working any more. He was so exhausted.

Sam came to the door, tapping lightly on it.

“Come in.”

The younger brother entered with a smile. "Hey, Near said you wanted to see me?"

“Yeah, we're supposed to start teaching the trio how to be hunters, or at least the basics. Not just Lilith. Classes start tomorrow, by the way. Thought we ought to discuss it. I have no problem with teaching them head knowledge, but I can't do the rough and tumble stuff right now. You up to that? Where the hell do we start?”

"Start with the basics.The types of creatures out there, methods of killing, disposal, things like that."

“I can start with some of them. Basic ones you see a lot of, but there's too many to do in one sitting. I made those notes on Dad's stuff. I'll use it. We show the physical for whatever is needed I guess. Some are spells, some are physical, like a vampire. Others, it's the right weapon. You gonna stick with me and put your two cents worth in, aren't you?”

"If you want me to. Probably wouldn't hurt with the Latin things either..sigils as well but later down the road. I can print up a lot of the stuff they copied from Dad's journal as well as stuff from the database they made from Bobby's library."

“That's a good idea, Sam. Yeah, I want you there. This is both of us teaching them. We work as a team, remember? Besides, you're better at Latin then I am. I can do it, but memorize it? No.”

"That's 'cause it's all a mouthful, seriously. Ok, so introduction to monsters and killing methods first?"

“Yeah, I think so. We'll go more in depth with them. I can give histories and legends and such also. Little at a time. Don't want to cram to much all of a sudden. Want to help them know what to look for and why? You know as well as I do that knowing why can be important. That's why we learn the histories and legends.”

"Good idea."

“That's what we'll start with tomorrow then. Sam, ummm....you have a good night's sleep. I'll see you tomorrow.”

"Sounds good. I'll have it ready to go. Sleep well, Dean."

“Thanks, Sammy. Good night.” Dean sighed as the door shut behind his brother. He'd almost asked for help in learning stuff, but backed down at the last minute.

There was another tap on the door a few moments later.

“Come in.”

Near entered carrying a small bag. "Dean is ready to begin?"

Dean looked more tired then before, but he smiled. “Yeah, Near. Work your mojo on me 'cause I damn well need it tonight.”

"Near will not be working 'mojo' but simply teaching a skill Dean needs." He set up a small cd player clumsily as he only had one hand. A cd was popped in as well as a small scented candle lit. "Dean must listen to the sounds and focus on that and only that. Allow no thoughts..just listen."

Dean stared at the teen. “That's all I have to do? For how long? When will I know if it worked or not?”

"Dean will feel at peace, no thoughts. Dean will know if it worked."

Hazel eyes stared into gray ones. He swallowed hard, then nodded. “Okay.”

"This is nothing to fear. Near will do this with Dean if it will enable Dean to relax."

Dean smiled. “I'm not scared, Near. Just hoping I can get the thoughts out of my head. You're burning a candle. Do the lights need to be off? I don't have problem with that. Just need to know whether that's part of it or not.”

"Near has done it with lights on. As tired as Dean is, lights should remain on. This is not to get Dean to sleep but to help prepare for sleep. The scent of the candle is helpful for this." He turned the cd player on and the soft sound of ocean waves filled the room.

Dean sighed softly listening to the waves. He closed his eyes, listening intently to the sounds, breathing in the soft scent of the candle. Slowly, the sounds of the waves seemed to intensify in his thoughts, but nothing else entered. He felt himself letting go of everything and the waves were his only reality. He felt the tenseness leaving him, his arm and legs would probably have floated if that were possible. His head laid back and his breathing deep, but slow.

Near let him do this for about twenty minutes before ending the music and blowing out the candle. "How does Dean feel?"

The hunter's voice was incredibly soft and he did not move, just barely whispering, “Do we have to stop? That was so good.”

"Dean should rest now," he answered softly. "Near will help again tomorrow night."

All Near heard was, “'Kay,” followed by a deep sigh, and Dean was asleep.

Near left, turning the lights off. This should allow Dean to rest without nightmares. Since the mind was relaxed, all the worries would be set aside.

Supernatural Death Note Chapter 37

Authors: Lady Laran and Tisha Wyman Warnings: Bad language, violence, and some sex. Spoilers: My favorite show is Supernatural. Anyone who knows me will say I am almost obsessed, unless they happen to be Laran, who knows I am. Laran loves Death Note. We both love to write. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd be writing an alternate universe/crossover between the two. What started as a several chapter story has turned into a novel The story had a life of its own. This saga begins towards the end of season 4 and before L truly got involved with the Death Note. This is a story of healing, family,friendship, humor, and horror. We do not own either show or its characters, but I'd take Dean in a heartbeat. We make no money from them. Thank you for reading. Comments are highly appreciated.

Facing the Truth - Dean

Watari looked at him with a gaze that seemed to see everything. "Dean, we need to talk."

The younger man froze. His hand played with a fork, something Watari had never seen him do, because he wasn't the type to do that. He did not look at the man sitting across from him. “I had hoped we wouldn't have to do that right now.”

Dean looked into the other man's eyes for a second, pleading in his own, and knew he didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of getting out of this one.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Your reaction over the assault, Dean.”

“What reaction are you talking about? Which assault, Ruby's or Sam's?” The pain made his voice sound raw.

"First, Ruby's. You went into shock, Dean. While not unexpected, you need to discuss this so you can start the healing process."

“What do you want me to say? This isn't something a guy talks about, much less even admits to. What am I supposed to say? I was given a drug that made me do whatever the queen wanted, and I expected something like that, but I sure as hell never expected that demon bitch. Whether I went along with it because of the drug or not, it was rape, pure and simple. I was not consenting. So, how do I handle the fact that it was broadcast to my brother when I didn't want him to know or look at me that way. I don't want to be pitied. It happened, but he won't ever forget that, and he's gonna try and bring it up. Damn, it Watari, I can't do that. Sam's not the kind to let it go either. He's a like a Pitt bull. He'll sink his teeth in and ride me til I break or go crazy. As far as I know, there's no way to deal with this.”

"Worry about Sam's reaction to this later. There is a way to deal with it. You have to let your feelings out about it and let yourself heal. Men should talk about this because it happens to them more frequently than most know."

Dean flashed. “Let my damn feelings out? How the hell do you do that? I can't do this!”

He rose from the table, barefooted, in pajama bottoms and bathrobe, and literally ran for the door, not thinking of the consequences to his body. He turned left down the hall, took the next turn. Tears were pouring down his face, and he hit a dead end. He leaned his head against the wall, and struck it over and over with his good fist, not paying attention to any damage he might be doing. Roaring at the top of his lungs, he began to curse violently, not thinking that the entire building could probably hear him.

He started screaming at the top of his lungs for someone to make it stop, the sobs literally causing pain in his chest, as he slid down the wall, still facing it, until he was on his knees, his head still against the wall. His left hand was swollen and bleeding, and he sobbed desperately,now banging his head against the wall.

Watari was behind him, hands gentle as he braced him. This was what he'd meant, though not to the point it would hurt him.

Watari grabbed Dean's head to prevent any other injuries, turning him around. Dean leaned into Watari, and cried hard, his body trembling and in pain.

“Help me, please, Watari. Please. I don't know what to do.”

"Let it out," he murmured.

Dean was crying violently, his chest hurting from the stress he was feeling.

“I want to kill her. I just want to hurt her for this. I don't even have my knife to take out a demon. L wanted her alive. “

Dean's head came up, tears pouring down it.

"There's no release, but there's got to be.” He screamed, “Somebody please stop it!”

Watari held him. "She's gone. Exploded in a rather disgusting mess over the interrogation room. She can't hurt you anymore."

“Who? Sam? Damn him! It needed to be slow!”

"I talked to L about it. He says he's gotten enough. Your brother did that in a fit of rage..avenging you."

“Avenging me? This whole damn situation was about avenging me!”

Dean's head kept hitting Wataris's chest and he began to beat the now wounded hand on the floor. The sobs weren't as loud, but still heavy. He was gasping for air.

The older man stopped him from hurting himself. "Yes, it was a bit of overkill..but he's got a lot of anger as well."

Dean grabbed his chest, “It hurts. I can't do any more, Watari. I hurt. Damn it, I hurt. “ He cried more.

"It will heal and fade, Dean. It will." He held him close, letting him vent.

Dean quit beating his head and just leaned into the older man, his body trembling, but the crying had stopped. Once in a while, a loud sob erupted, but the trembling was intense.

The old man held him, hands soothingly stroking over Dean's back.

The younger man slowly calmed, the sobs not quite as loud. Finally, the sounds had stopped, and the trembling was much softer.

Carefully, Watari helped him up and guided him back to his room. He poured some water for him and handed the cup to him.

Dean tried to focus on the cup and finally reached for it. When he opened his hand to grasp the cup, he cried out. He looked at his hand, shock in his eyes.

“How did I do that?”

He pulled a first aid kit out of the bathroom. "Beating the wall and floor."

Dean's voice was soft, almost childlike, “Did I beat my head too?”

"You did. Not the wisest move," he said with a soft smile.

“I took a sledgehammer to my car,when I was repairing it, so I could deal with the anger of Dad's death. I've done it to myself before. Why's my chest hurting so bad?”

"Part of it, I'm sure, is due to the fact that you aggravated your injuries."

I feel like my lungs, my heart, all the way down to my gut has been shredded.”

"It will for a while. You really let loose out there."

“Am I gonna have to deal with what Sam did last night, today?”

"Not today if you're not ready." Quietly, he told him what Sam had said last night.

Dean's voice had no emotion in it, “He's sorry? I need to wait and see if I can handle another session or not, Watari, but if I do...when I'm ready, you'll be there? In some ways, this gonna be harder. Sammy did that to me last night.”

"I will be there, so will L. The thing is, I can tell he is genuine in his desire to work with you to heal."

“He is? Give me a little while, and we'll deal with last night. I can't do two days of this. We do it today. He's gonna wanna talk, so I gotta handle this first.”

"Only if you feel ready. We can keep the two of you separated if need be."

“I know that and I'm grateful, but it's gotta happen. I have no idea what I'm gonna say to him. I can't be big brother any more, Watari. He's gonna have to learn to deal without me taking up the slack. This is gonna be hard enough.”

"You can't cut him out, Dean. You need him and he needs you."

“I don't want to cut him out. It just can't be like it was. He's got to grow up and meet his own responsibilities. I can't take the blame for everything any more. Last night was not my fault, and I'll be damned if I'll shoulder that one like I used to do. I can't do that any more.”

"He doesn't want that anymore from what I could tell . He wants it to be as it should be..a partnership with his brother."

“I have to know something, Watari. He entered my mind last night, forced himself in when I told him 'no.' He forced me to come to him, by not stopping until I did. He forced the truth to come out because he thought I was a liar. He stopped me from leaving, by making me go to my knees and not be able to get up. I don't know what you call the body control he did, but was what he did to my mind...r..rr.?” The younger man couldn't get the word out.

"Which is something he will regret for the rest of his life."

Dean, looked devastated. “I've got nothing left to cry with.”

Watari nodded, handing him some medication to help with the pain.

“Would it be better to face this one with Sam? Does he need to know what he did to me? I have no idea here, what to do.”

"I think so..simply so he does understand how this affected you. You two have to communicate better than you have been."

“Then, let's do it. I have to deal now while it's raw, not cover it up.”

Watari nodded. "I'll let L know."

Dean sat back, his body hurting all over, a quiet sadness going through him, and looked up at the older man. He nodded and whispered “Thank you.”

Supernatural Death Note Chapter 36

Authors: Lady Laran and Tisha Wyman Warnings: Bad language, violence, and some sex. Spoilers: My favorite show is Supernatural. Anyone who knows me will say I am almost obsessed, unless they happen to be Laran, who knows I am. Laran loves Death Note. We both love to write. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd be writing an alternate universe/crossover between the two. What started as a several chapter story has turned into a novel The story had a life of its own. This saga begins towards the end of season 4 and before L truly got involved with the Death Note. This is a story of healing, family,friendship, humor, and horror. We do not own either show or its characters, but I'd take Dean in a heartbeat. We make no money from them. Thank you for reading. Comments are highly appreciated.

Facing the Truth - Sam

Watari was in Dean's room the following morning, bearing medicine and a breakfast tray.

Matt had gotten the short end of the stick to bring the meal to Sam, which he'd done under protest.

Dean was still asleep and, unusual for him, he didn't hear Watari enter.

The older man gently tapped his uninjured shoulder. "Dean?"

Dean's eyes opened slowly. “Watari? What time is it? Please tell me I didn't sleep half my day away again? Where's Sam?” The hunter sounded nervous when he asked the question. He looked and saw the covered tray and medicines. He nodded slowly, and rolled onto his good side so he could push himself up. He felt so out of it,and he wasn't sure what was going on in his head at the moment. A small smile crossed his face.

“What new food am I getting this morning, Watari?” The older man recognized an heroic attempt at normalcy.

"He's in his room at the moment. I'm sure Matt will be annoying him soon." He helped Dean to his feet. "You have pancakes, apple slices, sausage."

“I hope you serve him the same food you serve me. He'll love it. How can I have sausage and pancakes on the new meal plan you have me on? Matt got him? Well, once things reach normal, they might just like each other.” Dean sounded doubtful about normal, and swallowed hard as he headed to the table, reaching for the water and pills.

He smiled up at the older man, “What kind of tea am I learning to drink today?”

"Honestly, I doubt it. Matt..seems to have lost quite a bit of respect for him. These pancakes are made from nuts and special grains. Sausage is turkey. And today's drink is one of my favorites, Earl Grey."

Matt sighed, plunking the tray on the table. "Hey, wake up!"

Dean took a sniff of the tea and smiled. It smells good. He took a small sip and the smile grew larger. Removing the lid, he was surprised by how good everything looked and smelled. He tried the pancakes. “Oh my gosh,” he mumbled, swallowing quickly. “Sorry. It's great.” After trying the sausage, he grinned up at Watari, “Can I come live with you?”, he teased.

Sam had not slept, tossing and turning all night. He'd come to the realization that he had raped his brother's mind and had held him against his will, and forced him to even to come to him, when he was injured and in bed asleep. His eyes and nose were red from crying all night.

He rolled over and got out of bed. “Morning,” he muttered.

Dean wouldn't quit talking, striving to keep any conversation away from what had happened the night before, and thought he was doing a pretty good job. He'd invited Watari to sit a moment, knowing the man would probably do so any way. It was more polite. He discussed all kinds of crazy things. Most of it made no sense in the context he was talking. He knew it, and he knew the other man knew it. The younger man was struggling not to panic or break down.

Watari sat down, pouring himself a cup of tea and listening to the babble. "It's up to you on the living thing, although I think you do have a job."

Matt pointed at the tray. "Food."

Dean swallowed, “I was teasing, Watari. The food is just that good today.”

Sam could feel the dislike emanating from the boy. “Thank you. You don't have to stay if you don't want to, you know. You won't offend me.”

He gave him a gentle smile. "I know, and I am pleased you are enjoying it."

"Orders," came the curt answer.

“Well, you are welcome to sit down if you've been ordered to endure me.”

The red head did that, pulling a game device out of his pocket and focused on it. He was ready to short circuit L's computer for this.

“What game are you playing?”

"Final Fantasy," he answered.

“The new one? Haven't had a chance to play it yet. I'm told it's pretty good.”

"Not bad..a bit too easy in places." His fingers moved deftly over the buttons.

“I thought that about the last one. Not a lot of games out there any more that are challenging enough. Of course, I have trouble keeping up with what's new. The job doesn't always give us a lot of time.”

Matt shrugged, goggled eyes not moving from the small screen. He was trying to keep his temper.

Recognizing the attitude, Sam shrugged and really enjoyed the breakfast, eating what Dean was eating.

His foot tapped against the floor in agitation, waiting for someone to take over for him.

“Look, if you don't want to be here, then go. Tell them whatever lie you can think of about me. What's one more offense after last night? Just tell them I kicked you out and you were afraid of me. How's that?”

Matt glared at him, pausing the game. "I won't disobey him. He says I stay, I stay. Afraid of you? Get real."

“As it so happens, you don't need to be. BUT, according to the rules around here, and what you all think, and I don't blame you one iota, you sure as hell ought to be.”

"You sure as hell have a high opinion of yourself," he muttered.

“No, I actually have a very low opinion of myself. I let that bitch corrupt me. You know that and hate me for it without even wondering why. I sure as hell wouldn't tell you anyway, because then you'd think I'm a wuss whining about all my problems. My only concern is what I realized I did to Dean last night. So just leave me alone. Sit over there, play your game, and quit tapping your f'ing feet.”

"I'll tap my damned feet if I want to. And you know what, you're a fool and a half. Really...did you even think about your brother as anything less than a muscle headed jock?"

“When I was angry, no, I didn't. But there's another Dean I know. The one who did without supper to feed his little brother, when Dad was gone longer than he said he would. When he was around 13-14 years old, I was around 9 or 10, he'd come home crying, thinking I was asleep. He always came with money those times. I panic whenever I think about what he must've been doing to keep a roof over our heads and food, clothes, and school supplies for us. I have bad imaginings about it. I can only think one thing that would make him cry like that. So yeah, I do think of him in other ways. Fool? Yeah, because I forgot those things.”

Matt's eyes were cold through the goggles. "Did you know your brother is smart? I mean book learning type of smart."

“Yeah, I did. We moved a lot. I hardly ever finished in one school for a semester. I got in to Stanford because Dean taught me and kept me caught up. I mean the hard stuff. He can do calculus and chemistry. I even had his help with physics. Yeah, he's real smart. He's the one who thinks he's stupid and that's because Dad told him he was. Dean believed everything Dad told him. He'd do anything for attention from Dad. He was so hungry for it. Smart? Dean's smarter then me. He's been raised to believe otherwise and acts accordingly.”

The red head leaned forward. "Why the f**k didn't you make sure he could catch up with you? Why the f*ing hell didn't you bother to sit down and teach him what you learned? He felt he was too dumb to learn about computers and told me about you laughing at him because he didn't know what My Space was!"

“You know, you are right. I should have done that. I wanted out so bad, and Dean wouldn't leave Dad. I completely broke all ties. I didn't answer the phone. I was an ass. It never occurred to me that Dean might want that too. He was the hunter, not me. I thought he loved his life. He sure as hell acted like it. There's a lot of things he doesn't know because he's never had a life. There's no time to just sit and teach him. The computer is used for research. I do game with it late in the evening when he's watching TV or sleeping. That's it. We go til we drop. He was begging for a few days off and I was fighting him about it, when L forced our hand. He was so upset.”

"It's your responsibility to make time to educate him. You do NOT leave family in ignorance. What if he'd needed to blend in undercover? Did you even THINK of that?"

“Look, he acts like a kid a lot of the time, than he gets tough, duty first, than he's this soft hearted guy with old ladies and kids, and he'll hit on anything under 50 with tits. He hasn't grown up. I did what I could, but there's not any time for that. Try playing FBI or higher, and he'll be fine and then just one thing and you want to kick him. It's hard. He just needs to grow up himself. He tells me I haven't?”

“Oh, and don't forget his eating habits.”

"It's called escape from reality. He hits on girls and acts like this because it's the only escape he has. He can't play the games, he can't surf the 'net. He's lived this life too f*ing long and you, you play at it. You got away while he ended up carrying the slack. God..man..you have no idea how many people would kill to have a brother..much less someone like Dean who would do anything for his family."

“Look, I love Dean. I hurt him, badly. I was angry at him for being that brother. He died because he had me brought back from the dead. He went to hell and I spent four months trying to trade myself for him, but they wanted him. The only way to get him back was get Lilith. She held the contract. I was working on that with Ruby. That was a major screw up but I was on the verge of suicide”

“When he came back, he wanted things to be like they were, and they couldn't be. I'd grown the wrong way and I sure couldn't tell him. I'd promised I wouldn't. But he was lying too. Said he didn't remember hell. He remembered it all right..every minute of torture done to him and what he did to others and how he liked giving it to others after he'd suffered. Dean? It didn't matter he was crying. All I saw was weak. It was wrong, but in my state at the time, it's what I saw and I wanted out and I left him most of the time on his own. I was a fool. Okay. I did everything wrong, but he did too.”

"He hasn't denied that. But I'm talking about actions stemming back before this hell nonsense started. You're an idiot, you know? Almost everyone in this building has no family. There's no Dean in our lives to keep away the nightmares or help us when we're frustrated. All we have is each other and ourselves. I see you and see what you've done and I could cheerfully throw you into a pond of piranha. You don't deserve having a family." There was a lot of anger and bitterness in his voice.

“You know, you are right. I don't deserve Dean. All I could see was he and Dad running my life. Well, Dad did and Dean ran interference instead of doing something about it. I ran away to Stanford to have normal. I don't remember, Mom. She's was Dean's, not mine. I was six months old when she died. She was his great loss. His family. Dean, well, Dean took good care of me and deserved better then I gave him. All I knew was he wanted to stay and hunt, and I couldn't. I needed to be normal. He didn't seem to want it. Hell, he never would tell me anything about what he thought or felt, or why he'd come home late at night, crying, with money to take care of us. He kept me out, so I left. Yeah, it devastated him, but I didn't know. That's another thing he didn't tell me. It was Bobby who told me that Dean didn't talk much because he was protecting me, giving me what Mom would have given me. How the hell was I supposed to know that?”

"Observation and common sense, which you seem to lack," came the acidic response.

"Matt," came a soft tone. The red head turned to find L standing in the doorway. The teen went to him and a hand was gently placed on his shoulder as the two seemed to hold a silent conversation. Sam would be able to see the tension drain from the gamer's frame.

Sam was resting his forehead in his hands. He was shaking, agreeing wholeheartedly with what the kid had said, and his mind kept going back to last night. Dean?

Matt disappeared and L shuffled his way to the table, crouching in a seat. "Matt and the others are somewhat sensitive to the issues around family."

“Yeah, well dream families don't exist. If you're a Winchester, it's hell. I can't explain it but I love my brother more then life itself, and I hate what he can be, because he runs my life, won't let me be me, and he embarrasses me at times. I know I do things that drive him just as insane. I just want to really talk it out and make a new start with things like they should be between brothers. Dean never was a kid. He was Mommy and Daddy to me starting at age 4....not counting he didn't talk for a year. Mom's family thought he was a freak and didn't want him. Bobby took us. Dean never got to be normal but he tried...he really tried to make mine that way. I did wrong by him. I hurt him right and left. Then I ran. When I came back, we fought all the time. Than Dad showed back up. He almost killed Dean. Doesn't matter he was possessed. It was Dean. I should have killed Dad and Azazel would have been gone, but I couldn't. None of this would have gone on.”

L simply listened, thinking on the words. "Perhaps, perhaps not. What is important now is for you to think clearly, realize your behaviors and habits, and find ways to change that."

“I know. If I can't, Dean and I are destined for a very short-lived, horrifying life and I, for one, don't want that to happen. I want to see Dean with a wife and a half a dozen kids. He needs at least that many. Me, I'd like to finish my degree but not in law now. I'd get one in business and see if Dean wants to open a mechanic's shop and I could run it. Be real family. Sunday picnics or barbecues, the cousins playing. The wives visiting. That is what I want for us. Crazy, huh? I mean, we kill for a living.”

"Not crazy. It is an admirable goal for either or both of you. You should discuss this with him once time allows for it."

“I want to heal and I'll do whatever it takes to get there. Is this our first session? Will I be handed back and forth between you and Watari? How far down the line will Dean be included? I did not sleep last night because of what happened. Do you realize that I raped his mind last night? I forced him to come to me and then I literally drove him to the floor so he couldn't leave. I was no better then Ruby to him. We've had fights before but it was one on one. Last night, the battle was one sided. Dean didn't have a chance. He's gonna be afraid of me now.”

"I know exactly what you did. Watari is with him right now because his gentler touch is needed. As far as including you with him, we shall have to see how quickly the two of you progress."

“I understand that I can't rush this. Too much time to go through. Too many angers, too many hurts, and way too much Dean has held inside of himself. Dad always told him it was his fault. He finally came to believe it, and it used to cause more arguments. I'd see that look on his face and I wanted to hit him. Watari gonna deal with it now? He won't be able to to deal with waiting because he'll know it will be first on the agenda now. Mello's right about one thing, Dean is smart.”

L nodded. "Right now, we need to focus on you instead of your brother. Dean is in good hands."

“Okay. Where do you want to start? I'm open here.”

"First of all, your thoughts on what you have done in regards to the demon blood. Yesterday, you were adamant you did not have a problem."

“I didn't see it as a problem. I saw it as a means to an end...destroy the demon who had destroyed Dean. I was too blind to anything else. I was like Dad over the yellow-eyed demon. Nothing else mattered. I couldn't see that I was doing more damage to Dean and to me then anything else had. Dean quit trying to reach me, and I was relieved. The blood fed my ego, and to be honest, I needed that. At least I thought I did. I was always in Dean's shadow. I didn't like being there, and Dad didn't like it either. I never understood that, and I still don't. Dean was good at it. Damned good. I'm good at it, and I can guard Dean's back. I can research the computer better then him. He can go through it with me and be uncomfortable at times, but at others he's brilliant. Send him out alone and let him flirt, cut up, or whatever, and he'll come back with the most incredible information. He keeps telling me I'd do better if I lightened up. I'm too much like Dad. I don't know how to do like he does. Bobby says he's Mom, not Dad. Back to the blood, I thought it was increasing my powers, but they are still there, just as strong. Ruby led me on to gain control. I had no idea that is what she was doing. I have had this feeling that I'm a monster ever since I found out the yellow-eyed demon gave me his blood in my crib that night Mom died. I just thought I could do something good with it. It just went from bad to worse.”

L's voice was soft. "Human evolution is a tricky thing. There are more and more people being born with special gifts all the time. I work with others that have extraordinary high IQ's. Samuel, you were chosen because the demon knew you had potential. The blood..just woke it."

For a second, Sam reminded L of Dean. The hopeful, almost wistful look and the question was very much his big brother. “You really think so?”

"I know so." He opened the folder and slid a document towards Sam "I did research on this from viable sources. This is the latest population count of humans with extra talents." The number had been surprising.

Here, the difference in education showed. Where Dean would have asked for an explanation, Sam read it and looked up and asked , “That much?” The important thing to L was that Dean would ask.

He nodded, not surprised by Sam's question. He'd read on the other's history and knew the man was intelligent. Granted, nowhere near his level but still. "Yes, it surprised me as well."

“I've never read that before. Thank you. Maybe I'm not a monster after all, but was led to believe I was. Why me? Why not Dean? What's the difference between us? Demon blood triggering it?”

He shook his head. "Dean's gifts may have led towards another area. Could be a time frame the first demon was looking at. I have no answers as the demon in question is no longer living. Those questions are something you will have to set aside."

Sam nodded, looking back at the paper. “Well, it's not that important. I just wondered about Dean, if it's in the bloodline. Lilith might know. She was involved with Azazel to a point, I think. I'm not really sure, but it wouldn't hurt to ask her before she's dead.”

“I'm just very curious what Dean's gifts might be and what direction they took, and why they never manifested. I know I'll probably never know. If something strange happened, Dean would freak out and hide it so deep it would never develop.” Sam smiled, thinking about Dean doing such a thing.

"He could be tested later, if he agrees. As far as Lilith, I do not believe she may be as in the know as you believe she is." He frowned slightly.

“I won't persuade him to have those tests, but you can try. He's more liable to think they are a curse and he somehow got fed demon blood too. I don't want him looking askance at me, thinking I slipped him something in his sleep. I'm trying to heal a relationship, here. If it hasn't manifested, it's possible he doesn't have any. Can we leave it at that??

“Lilith not know much? Why do you think that?”

L nodded. "It can be left at that, and I believe it to be thus due to things the demon has said under interrogation."

Sam frowned, “Ruby? She knows things about Lilith and Azazel? Damn!”

He held a finger up. "That is not your concern, Samuel. Your concern now is regaining your mental health."

“But I was heavily involved in this. We can't let it just go. She's out to cause the apocalypse and free Lucifer. I have to kill her. If I can't do it for some reason, someone needs to.”

"Lilith will be attended to. However, your part in that is finished. You are not healthy enough to be in her presence. What means more, your revenge or the health and well being of yourself and the relationship with your brother?"

L could see tears in Sam's eyes. “My whole life after watching Dean be torn to pieces by hell hounds while she stood there and watched, has been killing her. You are right though, much as I hate to say it. Dean is more important to me, and I do have to have him back. She got what she wanted from it. I still don't believe he's the one to prevent this, but it's out of my hands now. I do want to be completely normal. I can just keep these powers on the back burner in case they are needed on a hunt or something. Dean was right. I should have listened to him, and never lied to him. He tried to lie to me when I hounded him about hell. I knew he was. Finally, he told me some of it. Later he broke and confessed it all. I didn't help him after he did. He was hurting, and all I could think was he's weak and I'll get her for it. What a fool I'd become. Even when he's weak, Dean's stronger then me.”

L's dark eyes looked into Sam's. "Did you ever stop to think that originally, Dean did not remember hell? The human mind has been known to put things into an area so that the trauma would not be dealt with."

“You mean that something brought it back to him? I must admit that he didn't start drinking right away. Damn, Alistair? When we helped Anna. That had to be it. It all started after Anna found her grace and disappeared.”

He nodded. "Something triggered the memories and reinitiated the trauma to a deeper level. It could be he was having flashes but didn't understand them. Dean was truthful to you, Samuel.

“To a point, L. He kept up that 'truth' even after he started remembering. He was drinking all the time. It was the first thing he did when he got out of bed. He did during the night when he had the nightmares. The lies did start, but they didn't last long. He told me he remembered but wouldn't talk to me about it. Later, he told me, but it didn't stop the drinking. He doesn't seem to be drinking now, though. You help him with that? If you did, thank you.”

"Simply put, there's no alcohol in the building. We are helping him to develop healthy sleep cycles. And the lying, as you put it, was an effort to protect you."

“Protecting me? How was it protecting me?”

He pulled the sucker out of his mouth to answer the question. "Your father had it in his mind to keep you from being exposed to this supernatural world for as long as possible. In Dean's mind, what happened in hell was a form of rape..mental and emotional. He feels dirty inside and is trying to keep you protected from that. From the darkness he feels. A darkness he wants to keep you from being corrupted by."

“I can't buy my father caring that way about me, but he didn't want me involved as heavily as Dean was. Dean didn't want it at all. Dean's feelings...yeah, I can see that going through his mind. The sad thing is I had more darkness inside of me then he could even imagine. He's the innocent one..not me.”

"In a way, you both are. From what I understand, you originally were looking for a way to save him. It was the demon's influence that warped your thoughts from saving him to avenging him." L pointed that out. Guilt was one thing but unnecessary guilt was another.

L was finding out quickly, that in some ways, Sam was easier to help then Dean. Understanding appeared in his eyes, and he nodded.

“Thank you. I needed to hear that, and not from Dean, because he'd just take it on himself and tell me it wasn't my fault.”

"I am not saying you are truly blameless in this. However, there were circumstances that led to it. Your habit of internalizing things is not healthy and was a negative factor."

“I'm not stupid, L. I know that I'm not blameless. I did do it. I lied to Dean and led him to believe I had stopped. He saw me use the powers. When we got to our motel, he hit me, hard. I tried to reply and he hit me again. He knew the dangers better then I did, I guess, and I knew them. I was being a fool, and he knew it, but I'd lied to him. I kept denying it to him. That was a major break between us and we weren't the same after that. I broke us. Yeah, I'm not blameless by a long shot.”

Sam laughed, “I wish someone like you had been around when we were younger and dealing with our Dad. Internalizing was self preservation. I learned it by watching Dean deal with life as my protector, dealing with blame for things he did, and God help me, I did, and never being good enough for the man he adored. Internalizing actually kept us sane at one point. It just became a noose around our necks. We used it as an escape mechanism...accept what you are, what you think you did, and bury it. Dean's a master at it, and I learned from the master.”

He nodded. "Some internalizing is always needed but you two..do it entirely too much and then wonder where the bad habits and fights come from."

“I'm not making excuses for myself or for Dean in this, but there was never anyone to tell us any different. Dad hauled us both off and we seldom saw Bobby after that, and not much of Pastor Jim. We did the best we could as two kids growing up on their own. It was survival. Even after we grew up, no one ever said it was wrong.”

Another nod. "You have to learn healthier skills in dealing with things. Otherwise, you will be right back to where you are now."

Sam bowed his head as he thought over the words L had just said. “I don't know how. If you do, then here I am....teach me.”

"That is why you both are still here." A notebook was set in front of him. "I want you to look back and write down the ways you handle stress and emotional situations and why you believe it is the right or wrong way. This may take you some time. I will work while you do so."

Sam picked up a pencil he found on the table and pulled the notebook towards him, and began to write.

L pulled a laptop out of the bag he'd been carrying and perched it on his knees, typing filling the room with the sound of hurried clack of keys.

Supernatural Death Note Chapter 30

Authors: Lady Laran and Tisha Wyman Warnings: Bad language, violence, and some sex. Spoilers: My favorite show is Supernatural. Anyone who knows me will say I am almost obsessed, unless they happen to be Laran, who knows I am. Laran loves Death Note. We both love to write. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd be writing an alternate universe/crossover between the two. What started as a several chapter story has turned into a novel The story had a life of its own. This saga begins towards the end of season 4 and before L truly got involved with the Death Note. This is a story of healing, family,friendship, humor, and horror. We do not own either show or its characters, but I'd take Dean in a heartbeat. We make no money from them. Thank you for reading. Comments are highly appreciated.

Session 1 Part 2

“Well, thanks to Watari, my eating habits are on the to be changed list.” Dean smiled as he spoke of the older man.

"He can be very persistent."

“Well, what he had to say made a lot of sense. Some of what he says I need to eat will be hard. What I have to give up is a lot harder for me.”

"Everything in moderation. A hamburger is fine if it is every once in a while and not every night. Or so I am told."

“Yeah, well, we're on the road a lot, and most times it's fast food. Being able to sit down and eat breakfast together is actually a treat for us. Eating in a nice restaurant is almost unheard of. That makes it a lot more difficult.”

"Most of the small restaurants and fast food ones offer salads and the like now."

“When I've been on the road, driving for hours, eating burritos out of a microwave, and Sam....he gets gas when he eats them. Well, a salad supper is not much comfort food. There's not a whole lot of comfort in my life. I know. I'm going to follow what Watari says, but damn.”

L stared at him for a moment, then shook his head. Too much information.

Dean noticed the stare, thought back over what he had just said, and the Winchester smile flitted across his face. He snorted, then started laughing, hard. He doubled over almost in hysterics. Shaking his head, he sputtered, “How the hell did we get on this conversation anyway? Damn! Got to stop this laughing...it's starting to hurt.” He leaned his head back against the tree and took some deep breaths, his body still shaking from the laughter. Every few minutes, what sounded like a giggle or a snicker, would erupt. Dean thought, too long...been too long since I've laughed.

The detective gave a tiny half smile at the laughter.

The hunter closed his eyes, and rested for a moment. “Does life ever get any easier, L? I mean it, seriously, it's been so long since I've laughed like that, it felt good.”

"Life comes in booms and busts or so Watari is often fond of saying. There will be positive times and negative ones."

“I could do with a lot more positives, you know. This was nice. Stupid, but nice.”

He gave another half smile. "It will come."

“Yeah, I hope so, but not til Sammy's ready for it, too. Can't keep having all this crap between us. It's time we dealt with it....get it out in the open, even if it hurts. We need to talk and listen.”

The dark haired man nodded. "Indeed."

The head turned and hazel eyes stared into his dark ones, “Will he ever do that, L?” The question was hopeful and wistful, with a touch of fear that the answer might be no.

"He will. He is much too stubborn not to."

Dean shook his head slowly. “Why is he fighting peace and honesty between us?”

"The stubbornness is part of it. He is unsure as to which person to blame for the mess of emotions he is experiencing."

“The blame is threefold. He's smart, but he was hurting. It's his fault for doing the things he did when he was and has been all over me for what I did. It's my fault for putting him in that position. Hell, it's mainly Dad's for raising us to be like this, but it's our job to break away from it.”

"Incorrect," the detective told him. "His fault for not thinking clearly...your father's fault for putting such nonsensical ideas into your heads..and the demon's fault for taking a confused young man and turning him into a machine with one thought - revenge."

“It's my fault too, L. But, I'm alive, so why the continued need to kill Lilith? That has bothered me.”

"In his mind, it is her fault for leaving him in that state of vulnerability."

“I left him in the same state, L”

"Which was not your fault...well, unless you count sacrificing yourself to keep him alive. That is a codependency of a level that is...not a good thing." For lack of a better phrasing for it.

“Well, if I hadn't, we'd both be dead by now. I don't know. It was stupid, but it was Sammy, and he was all I had.”

"An issue that was encouraged by your father."

“It was my job.....my responsibility to protect and care for Sam.....and I tried to the best of my ability.....and I failed.....he died. That's what I felt, L. It's what he taught me.”

"It was your father's responsibility. Not yours."

“It was his responsibility, morally, but it was mine in reality.”

"Again, no. You need to disassociate yourself from that. Morally, reality..your father failed."

Dean nodded, his throat thickened by a need to cry against his father and a desire to run from it. He was tired,emotionally drained, and frightened of and for Sam.

"It seems there is a lot to do in order to change your way of thinking but it will happen. I have a task for you. When you retire to your room this evening, you will find some supplies. I think it would be wise to start keeping a journal. This does not have to be a list of daily activities..more along the lines of your thoughts on things. It will help you to organize them and find if you start to slip back into bad habits like thinking that you have sole responsibility for your brother."

Dean's mind went back to his dad's journal. It wasn't all monsters. There were memories and other things in it. He'd not read them at first, but he learned a lot from it. The fact was that his mom was the first of their family to keep a journal. They were all kept in a lock box or safe. Probably all burned in the house fire,but he would have loved to read them..

Dean looked at L. I'm not very good at that, but Bobby said I'm more like mom so....maybe that's in me too.”

"You do not have to be good at it. This exercise is to help you review your thoughts, speak them out without having to speak."

“Okay...is...is this some kind of homework assignment, cause what I say to someone is gonna be different then what I think at times. “

"You need at least one place to be honest..outside of myself and Watari."

“I'm gonna take that answer to mean it's for me only...my place to be honest to me.”

He nodded. "Exactly.”

Dean frowned suddenly. “I can't write right now. I'm right handed. Well, maybe I could, but it's gonna be chicken scratch to try to read.”

L smirked at that. "I would not worry about that."

One eyebrow rose questioningly, but suddenly Dean relaxed and smiled. “Okay, thanks.”

The detective rose. "In fact, go and find Matt. He will assist you with this."

Dean rose with L, “All right, then, can you tell me where I find the elevator once inside. Matt was putting Bobby's books on computer.”

"Take the third door, go left 100 feet and turn right."

The hunter slowly headed towards the entrance, but turned back towards the detective.

“Thanks, L, for listening, understanding, giving good advice, and mainly, well, for talking stupid stuff with me. Being normal was really nice.”

The older Winchester turned and headed toward the building.

L called out to him. "I made an agreement and will abide by it."

The uninjured left arm raised in a wave of acknowledgment. L had not expected more from the man. Dean Winchester was riding an emotional roller coaster, and sometimes, a wave was all he could give.

The detective nodded. The progress would be slow but it was being made. L would inform Watari of this, who would take the next session.