Supernatural Death Note Chapter 46

Authors: Lady Laran and Tisha Wyman Warnings: Bad language, violence, and some sex. Spoilers: My favorite show is Supernatural. Anyone who knows me will say I am almost obsessed, unless they happen to be Laran, who knows I am. Laran loves Death Note. We both love to write. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd be writing an alternate universe/crossover between the two. What started as a several chapter story has turned into a novel The story had a life of its own. This saga begins towards the end of season 4 and before L truly got involved with the Death Note. This is a story of healing, family,friendship, humor, and horror. We do not own either show or its characters, but I'd take Dean in a heartbeat. We make no money from them. Thank you for reading. Comments are highly appreciated.

Sam deals with Dean

"I can have Watari in the room to help. I know you will not want the trio."

“No! No kids! Where are we doing this?”

L nodded, leading him into the building and asking Watari to have Sam meet them up at the top floor.

“We've never been up there. What's on the top floor?”

"You have been there actually. It is where we work the cases. You were there to help Matt with the database."

“Where you have all the video go to and study? This is going to be video right?”

L nodded silently.

Dean nodded quietly, as they entered the room, but jumped badly when Watari and Sam entered. The older Winchester froze, staring at his brother, with panic in his eyes. His face was blotchy from tears, and he was shaking. But, he stood still, and waited...not sure what was going to happen when,and how.

Sam looked at his brother, heading to his side. "Dean?"

Dean turned and stared up into his younger brother's eyes, and he broke. “It's not my fault, Sam. I swear, it's not my fault. Oh, god, please.”

He was confused but hugged his brother close.

“L says it's not my fault. I'm not a … a. I can't, L. I wanted to tell him I'm not but I can't”

His grip tightened as he looked at L, who simply pointed at a screen and began playing back the conversation.

“ Where are we headed today?”

"I want to take the time and let you review what you've confronted so far and how you feel you're coming, what you think needs more work."

“I've dealt with my Mom's death, having no childhood, Sam not liking me being both parents when he wanted a brother, Ruby, and Sam's powers to a point. My life, what little I had of it, when raising Sam, until he went off to Stanford, is something I'm not sure I can deal with totally, L. There are things I've told no one. It can't come out. Dad found out. He sent Sam off to Bobby for a while. Can't talk about it, because I'd have to tell Sam. There's stuff I haven't really dealt with but it's not as serious as that time was.”

L's dark eyes looked at Dean. "Anything that is a concern to you, a problem in the past, must come out and be dealt with. This habit of hiding problems is not healthy."

“Look L, Dad nearly killed me because of it. Took Sam away. This would finish driving him away. You wouldn't want me here either....certainly not around the boys...Near. I didn't have a life, L. Not growing up. But there was hell. Okay?”

"I know the type of man you are, Dean Winchester. So do not hide it..at least from me and yourself."

You're gonna turn around and tell me I have to tell Sam. He's got to know. Or make me feel guilty enough to do it on my own.”

"That will all be your decision but you must tell someone."

Sam frowned, watching the screen with a sinking feeling in his stomach. his hold on Dean never loosened.

Dean stood frozen watching his confession, a sense of horror coming over him. Sam and Watari were going to know. Sam was going to feel guilty, and he was going to have to be strong for him. He was digging inside himself looking for a strength he didn't think he'd find.

Dean was shaking very hard. His voice started trembling as he started to talk. “I was around 15-16 years old. Had a lot of girls and women trying to catch my notice. Dad said more and more that I was too pretty to be a boy. I looked too much like my mom. I thought he was nuts again. “

“He started staying gone longer and longer Winter was coming on. We were in school. He'd left all the information and stuff so I could get us enrolled. He was only supposed to be gone two weeks. When week five hit, I needed money real bad. The motel was ready to evict us. Sam needed a coat. There was the materials he needed for a Science fair. He needed twenty for a field trip. We had some dry cereal and nothing else to eat in the place. I fed Sam and headed down to the local pool hall and bar. I can really play pool . I never lose.”

“I was surprised they let me in. I had a fake id saying I was 21. They let me in with that. I started playing at 8 and at midnight, I knew I had to get back to Sam. Dad would be furious, but we needed the money. I cleared fifteen hundred dollars. I started walking back to the motel, and these guys jumped me. They forced me behind some cars.”

Dean got up and walked off, sobs wrenching his body, making retching sounds.

L waited until he returned, handing him a water bottle to help calm his stomach down.

Dean drank the water slowly, saying nothing. Finally, “I thought they wanted the money back. They didn't. Just said playing pool was too easy, and I had to earn it. Damn it, L! I can't do this.”

"Yes, you can. You need to share this with someone, and I will not judge."

Sam was shaking now too, listening and watching..he couldn't not watch. Oh god...Dean had done this to keep them safe? To keep him fed? Where the hell had their dad been?

Dean still stood frozen. He knew deep inside that he should run, but his legs would give out if he moved. He could feel Sam's grip tightening, and the panic grew greater.

“Sammy?”

"H...how bad?"

The smaller man lifted panicked, red-rimmed eyes towards his brother. “What?”

"How bad did they hurt you?"

L's voice was soft. "Continue watching."

“They forced me to my knees. One guy stood behind me and held me. The first one, he unzipped himself. The guy behind me stuck his thumbs into the corners of my mouth and forced it open. They all five..they...made me take them...swallow it.”

Dean drank some more water. “They said to come back the next week same time and play pool. If I didn't, they knew about Sam. I couldn't call for help. What could I tell Pastor Jim or Bobby? I kept going back, doing what they wanted. That's when Dad came home one evening. I wasn't there. But it was different that night. It was worse.”

He swallowed hard, shaking even more.

Dean could feel his brother shaking, and had no idea what to do. He bowed his head, realizing he'd brought Sam to this, repeating I am not a whore, it's not my fault, I am worthy over and over like a mantra, terror in his heart.

“We didn't play pool. I got there at eight. One of them grabbed me and they took me upstairs. Dad came an hour later. The bartender panicked when he him told who he was and how old I was. Said I was upstairs.”

“Please,” Dean sobbed.

L nodded. "You know that you really did have no choice in some ways. Bobby and this Pastor Jim were too far away. Your father is the one responsible for it. He had no excuse for these absences."

“They were vicious, L. I was bleeding. They'd beaten me, raped, and they were putting $100 bills on the bed when Dad walked in. He called me a f'ing whore, grabbed my stuff and walked out. He left me there!”

His eyes narrowed. "You are aware that you are nothing of the sort?"

“I used the money, L. But it was for Sam. I was Mom and Dad to him. Had to protect him, provide for him....oh god!”

“I wrapped myself in a blanket and walked barefooted back to the motel. It was so cold. They were gone. Dad had packed up Sam and took him to Bobby's. I didn't know that. I almost killed myself that night, but I couldn't leave Sam like that.”

His knees nearly buckled. Was that why he'd been dropped off at Bobby's? Their father had said nothing..simply leaving him on the doorstep in a rage.

Dean wasn't even looking any more. His head bowed, his body almost limp.

Sam held him close, not letting go as the video continued.

“They'd beaten me and all the other stuff. I stayed in that motel room for a week til Dad came back. I was still huddled on a bed in that blanket. He nearly killed me, he beat me so bad. He used the scrub brush in the kitchen and washed my mouth with it and dish soap. Did the same thing elsewhere with that damn brush and soap. I started bleeding again, and he kept telling me I was worthless and he couldn't trust me. That's when Sam started training.”

“Now you tell me how do I tell Sam that story, and that it's my fault he became a hunter.”

“He told me he didn't want me as mom and dad and never did. I had that happen because I was.”

L leaned forward. "First of all, Samuel would have been a hunter regardless of what happened. This was simply an excuse for him to do it."

"He's right," Sam said hoarsely.

Dean was shaking horribly by that point, his face white. “He told me over and over to have Sam's back because I put him there.

"He lied. He put him there, not you. From the moment he stepped onto the path of vengeance and hunting, your father was determined to bring you two along with him."

“I started sleeping with any woman who even smiled at me. I think to hide the pain, but trying to prove I'm not like that. Dad didn't care. I was whore. I told him I wasn't getting paid by these women. They liked me. He just laughed. He told me as long as I stayed with him and hunted no one would be told. Pastor Jim, Bobby, and, oh god, Sammy, wouldn't know. He hated me. He hated me.” Dean started sobbing, repeating the phrase over and over.

"Dean, your father hated himself and everyone around him because he could not deal with the loss of his wife. His inability to cope affected you and Samuel. You are not to blame. Do you understand?"

“I told you what I did, L. I should have gotten Sammy out of there. I shouldn't have cared what Pastor Jim or Bobby thought. Then I wouldn't have been a whore. But, I didn't. I stayed, I did it, I used the money for Sammy.”

"You were raised to be your father's soldier. He told you to stay put, so you stayed. That type of loyalty is commendable, if a bit foolish because it can be misused as it was."

“I had this neatly buried away, L, now what the hell do I do with it?” Dean jumped up as best he could and started running down the path, and disappeared into some trees.”

L went strolling after him, catching up a short time later. "You did not have this buried neatly away. This is affecting you every moment of the day. It is why you approached it today. You could no longer deal with it."

Dean was sitting against a tree in the underbrush, wrapped into as much of a ball as sitting with his bandaged side would allow.

“Nothing can change what it is, L. I'm dirty. I always will be. I can't clean it away. I'll never be able to keep a serious relationship without trying to destroy it. I'm not worth one.”

Another swallow in a throat that was too tight.

"This is why you need to face it. You defeat yourself at every turn because you let that man beat you. The man who should have protected you and did not."

“How do I face it? I let him beat me? How did I let him beat me?”

"You believe his words in regards to being dirty and a whore when you were not. He put you in a dangerous position and instead of being a father about it, he retreated and lashed out because he didn't know what to do."

“But he's my Dad! I'm supposed to believe what he said. I trusted him! How did I let him beat me? I was supposed to trust him.”

"Because you let these horrible words sink in and believed them as truth...when you reached adulthood, you should have realized he was wrong. However, you're not fully at fault because you were so indoctrinated. The question remains..will you continue to let him win?"

“H..h..how do I ssstop him?”

He crouched in front of him. "You have to affirm to yourself daily that you are not a whore, that none of it was your fault, and that you are a worthy person."

“Affirm it? To myself? So, when someone looks at me in ways they shouldn't, it's not my fault. It's not. Okay. It's not.”

"This is a long process, Dean, but it will take root. You have to be determined on this."

“Okay. I'm not a whore. It's not my fault. I am worthy.”

L nodded. "You keep this up..remember this is his fault If there is an afterlife, he has much to atone for. If it's reincarnation, he is in deep trouble."

“I'm not a whore. Okay. I'm not. It's not my fault. Are we through, L?”

The video stopped there and Sam's knees nearly buckled. There was a mix of thoughts and emotions running through his mind.

When Dean felt him let go and fall, he thought the worst. Falling down by his brother, he reached out his one good hand and pawed him, almost patting him. “I'm sorry, Sam. I'm so damn sorry. Please, Sam. I'm not a whore. Please.”

He looked up at his brother. "You are my hero, Dean, you always have been and always will be. I...I hate him for doing that to you."

Dean looked confused. “Hero? How can I be that? Look at me, Sam. I'm no hero. I'm struggling to just believe it's not my fault and I'm no whore.”

He shook his head. "You are..to me..you are."

“I'm so dirty, Sam. Even Dad couldn't clean it away.”

"Only you can feel clean, Dean..but I know you're not dirty."

“I'm not dirty? I'm not a whore? It's not my fault. I am worthy. You don't hate me?”

"You're my big brother, man. I love you."

“You're not ashamed to have me for a big brother?”

"Never," he swore.

Sam watched his brother bury his head into his good arm on the floor and cry like a baby, finally letting go.

He hugged him close as he could, rocking and letting him vent. Sam was pissed at his father for hurting Dean like this..for putting them in a position where Dean had to risk himself.

His brother, ever the big brother, felt his tension. As hard as he was crying, he whispered through the sobs, “Don't let it get you angry, Sammy. Remember our promises to each other. No mom and dad, no getting pissed.”

"He hurt you..his f*ing job was to take care of you...and he hurt you...oh god, Dean...I wish I could wring his damn neck right now."

“If he was here right now, Sam, what good would it do you, or me. It would bring it out in the open even more. We'd both feel guilty if you killed him. We'd be going to jail if you did, and then everyone knows what happened, Sam. All I care about is you don't hate me. I was so afraid you would. Here I was screwing up majorly by playing mom and dad.It's not worth letting anger control you. He's dead, Sam. He has to pay for what he did. We shouldn't have to but that's what I've been doing. Please, Sam. I got to let go of this cause it's killing me and it's killing us. I never thought that it would explain why I do what I do, but it does. Big time. I really believed what he said, Sam. I'm having to make myself think otherwise. Help me, Sam. Please. No anger.”

"I'm trying," he whispered. "I won't let you down."

“I need help, Sam. I'm wanting a drink...lots of them. Don't know if it's just trying to cope, or if I have a real problem. I mentioned it to L earlier. I can't cope right now. Help me somehow. Don't know what to do.”

"You know what I'm looking forward to?"

“What, Sammy?”

"Getting those diplomas..leaving this crappy life he planned for us behind..and knowing we did it together..without him..no more Winchester curse...that we've healed and moved on."

“I don't want to do this anymore, Sam. I want to end it. Damn it, Cas, come heal me so I can end it. I don't mind the idea of doing an occasional hunt for somebody, or helping L out, but I don't want to live in cheap motels, living on junk food, no good rest, running from the law. I want to live in west Texas, and be normal.”

L answered. "Not until I know you're more stable but I am pleased with your progress."

Sam looked at his brother. "We can do this."

“Yeah, we can do this.”

Dean was shaking, he looked up at Watari in a panic. He mouthed the words 'help me.'

Watari nodded, moving towards him. "Dean, you need to get your other bandages changed. Let me take care of that."

Dean was shaking so bad he could barely stand, he knew that he'd mentioned this need to both L and Sam, and he knew both had tried to get his mind off it, but Watari, bless him, was getting him out of the situation in some way.

He guided him towards the bedroom, sitting him down. "What do you need me to do?"

“Sam questioned about my drinking and if I was having any problems. Til I faced this, I haven't. Damn it, Watari, I need a drink so bad I am going crazy. I can't stop shaking. What's going on? Why would this one thing bring it on?What do I do?”

"Emotional agitation can do this. You faced a major milestone today. Can you hold on a moment, I may have something to help you."

“If it was addiction to alcohol, wouldn't I already be having problems? It's just what happened today then?”

"I believe so. We'll have to watch you and see. Sit tight, I'll be right back."

“Yes, Sir.” Dean tried to take deep breaths to calm down the urge. “Oh, please, not now.”

Watari disappeared and came back a short while later, handing Dean a cup of tea. "Try this first. If not, we'll have to go with something stronger."

Untypical of his interaction with Watari, Dean didn't ask what the tea was. He started to slowly drink it, continuing to take deep breaths between sips of the tea. He'd start shaking and put the cup down, struggle to stop, and drink more. He even began inhaling the steam rising from the mug. Slowly, he began to calm, the urge beginning to wane. A few tears slid down his face as he drank the tea, it's calming influence releasing the remainder of what he had been dealing with earlier. He sighed deeply, grateful.

“I feel so tired, Watari. I know it's got to be close to lunch time. Can I eat later? If Sam wants to visit, he can stay. I'm going to try to get into that bed and rest a bit. If that's all right.”

"With your permission, I'll keep the cameras on so I can bring you a late lunch after your nap. It's either this or someone stays with you in case something happens."

“Either way is fine. If Sam wants to stay, don't need them. If he'd rather talk with both of you about this, then the cameras are a good idea.” He managed to throw himself backwards onto the bed, with a shocked Watari watching him. He was asleep in seconds.

In the end, Watari had to use the cameras as Sam who was deep in a conversation with L, needed to talk about the discovery made today.

Five o'clock came around and Dean was still asleep.

Supernatural Death Note Chapter 45

Authors: Lady Laran and Tisha Wyman Warnings: Bad language, violence, and some sex. Spoilers: My favorite show is Supernatural. Anyone who knows me will say I am almost obsessed, unless they happen to be Laran, who knows I am. Laran loves Death Note. We both love to write. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd be writing an alternate universe/crossover between the two. What started as a several chapter story has turned into a novel The story had a life of its own. This saga begins towards the end of season 4 and before L truly got involved with the Death Note. This is a story of healing, family,friendship, humor, and horror. We do not own either show or its characters, but I'd take Dean in a heartbeat. We make no money from them. Thank you for reading. Comments are highly appreciated.

Dean...Dealing

He helped him to his feet and a few moments later, Watari popped his head in with a smile. "Sam, you may have today to relax. Dean, L is waiting for you in the gardens."

“Watari? Which gardens?”

"I kicked him outside for the moment. He needs sunshine as do you."

“Thank you, Sir.” Dean smiled at his brother. “Oh, Sam? They got a fabulous library on Two.” Dean headed out his door towards the elevators. When he reached the rear outside door, he took a deep breath. The sessions were not getting easier. The digging was deeper. Ah, well, he thought. Dad always told us 'no pain, no gain.' He started walking the extensive gardens looking for L.

L was perched in a chair, shaded a bit by a cherry tree.

Dean noted the chairs with pleasure. No bench without a back to support his shoulder. He sat down next to L. “ Where are we headed today?”

"I want to take the time and let you review what you've confronted so far and how you feel you're coming, what you think needs more work."

“I've dealt with my Mom's death, having no childhood, Sam not liking me being both parents when he wanted a brother, Ruby, and Sam's powers to a point. My life, what little I had of it, when raising Sam, until he went off to Stanford, is something I'm not sure I can deal with totally, L. There are things I've told no one. It can't come out. Dad found out. He sent Sam off to Bobby for a while. Can't talk about it, because I'd have to tell Sam.”

“There's stuff I haven't really dealt with but it's not as serious as that time was.”

L's dark eyes looked at Dean. "Anything that is a concern to you, a problem in the past, must come out and be dealt with. This habit of hiding problems is not healthy."

“Look L, Dad nearly killed me because of it. Took Sam away. This would finish driving him away. You wouldn't want me here either....certainly not around the boys...Near. I didn't have a life, L. Not growing up. But there was hell. Okay?”

"I know the type of man you are, Dean Winchester. So do not hide it..at least from me and yourself."

You're gonna turn around and tell me I have to tell Sam. He's got to know. Or make me feel guilty enough to do it on my own.”

"That will all be your decision but you must tell someone."

Dean was shaking very hard. His voice started trembling as he started to talk. “I was around 15-16 years old. Had a lot of girls and women trying to catch my notice. Dad said more and more that I was too pretty to be a boy. I looked too much like my mom. I thought he was nuts again. “

“He started staying gone longer and longer Winter was coming on. We were in school. He'd left all the information and stuff so I could get us enrolled. He was only supposed to be gone two weeks. When week five hit, I needed money real bad. The motel was ready to evict us. Sam needed a coat. There was the materials he needed for a Science fair. He needed twenty for a field trip. We had some dry cereal and nothing else to eat in the place. I fed Sam and headed down to the local pool hall and bar. I can really play pool. I never lose.”

“I was surprised they let me in. I had a fake id saying I was 21. They let me in with that. I started playing at eight and at midnight, I knew I had to get back to Sam. Dad would be furious, but we needed the money. I cleared fifteen hundred dollars. I started walking back to the motel, and these guys jumped me. They forced me behind some cars.”

Dean got up and walked off, sobs wrenching his body, making retching sounds.

L waited until he returned, handing him a water bottle to help calm his stomach down.

Dean drank the water slowly, saying nothing. Finally, “I thought they wanted the money back. They didn't. Just said playing pool was too easy, and I had to earn it. Damn it, L! I can't do this.”

"Yes, you can. You need to share this with someone, and I will not judge."

“They forced me to my knees. One guy stood behind me and held me. The first one, he unzipped himself. The guy behind me stuck his thumbs into the corners of my mouth and forced it open. They all five..they...made me take them...swallow it.”

Dean drank some more water. “They said to come back the next week same time and play pool. If I didn't, they knew about Sam. I couldn't call for help. What could I tell Pastor Jim or Bobby? I kept going back, doing what they wanted. That's when Dad came home one evening. I wasn't there. But it was different that night. It was worse.”

“We didn't play pool. I got there at 8. One of them grabbed me and they took me upstairs. Dad came an hour later. The bartender panicked when he told him who he was and how old I was. Said I was upstairs.”

“Please," Dean sobbed.

L nodded. "You know that you really did have no choice in some ways. Bobby and this Pastor Jim were too far away. Your father is the one responsible for it. He had no excuse for these absences."

“They were vicious, L. I was bleeding. They'd beaten me, raped, and they were putting $100 bills on the bed when Dad walked in. He called me a f'ing whore, grabbed my stuff and walked out. He left me there!”

His eyes narrowed. "You are aware that you are nothing of the sort?"

“I used the money, L. But it was for Sam. I was Mom and Dad to him. Had to protect him, provide for him....oh god!”

“I wrapped myself in a blanket and walked barefooted back to the motel. It was so cold. They were gone. Dad had packed up Sam and took him to Bobby's. I didn't know that. I almost killed myself that night, but I couldn't leave Sam like that.”

“They'd beaten me and all the other stuff. I stayed in that motel room for a week til Dad came back. I was still huddled on a bed in that blanket. He nearly killed me, he beat me so bad. He used the scrub brush in the kitchen and washed my mouth with it and dish soap. Did the same thing elsewhere with that damn brush and soap. I started bleeding again. He kept telling me I was worthless and he couldn't trust me. That's when Sam started training.”

“Now you tell me how do I tell Sam that story, and that it's my fault he became a hunter.”

“He told me he didn't want me as mom and dad and never did. I had that happen because I was.”

L leaned forward. "First of all, Samuel would have been a hunter regardless of what happened. This was simply an excuse for him to do it."

Dean was shaking horribly by this point, his face white. “He told me over and over to have Sam's back because I put him there.”

"He lied. He put him there, not you. From the moment he stepped onto the path of vengeance and hunting, your father was determined to bring you two along with him."

“I started sleeping with any woman who even smiled at me. I think to hide the pain, but trying to prove I'm not like that. Dad didn't care. I was a whore. I told him I wasn't getting paid by these women. They liked me. He just laughed. He told me as long as I stayed with him and hunted no one would be told. Pastor Jim, Bobby, and, oh god, Sammy, wouldn't know. He hated me. He hated me.”

Dean started sobbing, repeating the phrase over and over.

"Dean, your father hated himself and everyone around him because he could not deal with the loss of his wife. His inability to cope affected you and Samuel.

You are not to blame. Do you understand?"

“I told you what I did, L. I should have gotten Sammy out of there. I shouldn't have cared what Pastor Jim or Bobby thought. Then I wouldn't have been a whore. But, I didn't. I stayed, I did it, I used the money for Sammy.”

"You were raised to be your father's soldier. He told you to stay put, so you stayed. That type of loyalty is commendable, if a bit foolish because it can be misused as it was."

“I had this neatly buried away, L, now what the hell do I do with it?” Dean jumped up as best he could and started running down the path, and disappeared into some trees.”

L went strolling after him, catching up a short time later. "You did not have this buried neatly away. This is affecting you every moment of the day. It is why you approached it today. You could no longer deal with it.

Dean was sitting against a tree in the underbrush, wrapped into as much of a ball as sitting with his bandaged side would allow.

“Nothing can change what it is, L. I'm dirty. I always will be. I can't clean it away. I'll never be able to keep a serious relationship without trying to destroy it. I'm not worth one.”

"This is why you need to face it. You defeat yourself at every turn because you let that man beat you. The man who should have protected you and did not."

“How do I face it? I let him beat me? How did I let him beat me?”

"You believe his words in regards to being dirty and a whore when you were not. He put you in a dangerous position and instead of being a father about it, he retreated and lashed out because he didn't know what to do."

“But he's my Dad! I'm supposed to believe what he said. I trusted him! How did I let him beat me? I was supposed to trust him.”

"Because you let these horrible words sink in and believed them as truth...when you reached adulthood, you should have realized he was wrong. However, you're not fully at fault because you were so indoctrinated. The question remains..will you continue to let him win?"

“H..h..how do I ssstop him?”

He crouched in front of him. "You have to affirm to yourself daily that you are not a whore, that none of it was your fault, and that you are a worthy person."

“Affirm it? To myself? So, when someone looks at me in ways they shouldn't, it's not my fault. It's not. Okay. It's not.”

"This is a long process, Dean, but it will take root. You have to be determined on this."

“Okay. I'm not a whore. It's not my fault. I am worthy.”

L nodded. "You keep this up..remember this is his fault If there is an afterlife, he has much to atone for. If it's reincarnation, he is in deep trouble."

“I'm not a whore. Okay. I'm not. It's not my fault. Are we through, L?”

"One question..this has affected you for a very long time but I will not demand you repeat this. May I have your permission to show this to your brother? It explains a great deal about your past behaviors...and he deserves to know what your father did."

“Sammy? Oh, dear god. Sammy. I..I..whatever you think will help. Oh, god. Sammy.”

Dean pulled himself up off the ground by grabbing a branch with his left hand.

“He's gonna want to tell me how sorry he is. There's no way in hell he could know what it's like, so how can he be sorry? He doesn't say that to me. Understand. If he has to talk about it, and he will, he doesn't tell me he's sorry. I swear I won't be responsible if he does.”

"I will tell him to withhold apologies but it will be a natural reaction, Dean."

“There's nothing natural about this, L. Okay, whatever. It doesn't matter, anyway. He'll never be able to understand. No one can understand. I'm not a whore. Gotta remember that.” Dean walked off towards the entrance.

L followed him. "I can have him watch it when you're with someone else so you do not have to relive it."

Dean stopped and looked at him. “What do you think I should do? Honestly. Be with him?”

"I would not blame you for not wanting to see it."

“That's not what I asked. I don't want a way out if you think I need to see it with him. I want to do what will heal. Just tell me.”

"He might need you there because of guilt."

“When?”

"As soon as possible honestly...you both need each other to get through this. Same issue..this is not your fault."

“This is the first time since I've started this that I want to get drunk, so let's get this over with, cause there's no alcohol and Sam isn't gonna like me like this.”

Supernatural Death Note Chapter 44

Authors: Lady Laran and Tisha Wyman Warnings: Bad language, violence, and some sex. Spoilers: My favorite show is Supernatural. Anyone who knows me will say I am almost obsessed, unless they happen to be Laran, who knows I am. Laran loves Death Note. We both love to write. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd be writing an alternate universe/crossover between the two. What started as a several chapter story has turned into a novel The story had a life of its own. This saga begins towards the end of season 4 and before L truly got involved with the Death Note. This is a story of healing, family,friendship, humor, and horror. We do not own either show or its characters, but I'd take Dean in a heartbeat. We make no money from them. Thank you for reading. Comments are highly appreciated.

Sam and Dean...Morning Talk

Dean did not hear the knock on his door the next morning, nor the door open. He'd still not recovered from two days before, and was just tired.

A breakfast tray was brought in and a familiar hand gently shook him.

Dean's eyes squinted up at the familiar face. “Morning,” he mumbled.

A tired looking Sam gave him a smile. "Hey."

“You don't look too hot, Sammy. You okay?” Dean struggled to turn onto his left side so he could lift himself up with his left arm and hand.

"Yesterday was pretty draining." He helped his brother up.

“Thanks, man.” The older brother leaned over and turned off the heating pad, then slowly eased himself off the bed, and headed towards the bathroom.

Coming back out, he looked at the tray. One? “Watari bringing mine?”

"I ate already. It's a bit late. Everyone decided to let you sleep in for a while."

“I appreciate that, but I had an easy day yesterday. You still look tired. What time is it?”

"Nine thirty," he answered, taking a seat at the table.

“That takes a chunk out of a day. What did he send this morning?”

"Whole grain waffles with fruit. Pretty good."

“Sounds good. Care to talk about it? I've been worried about you. I'm trying to not be mommy/daddy here.”

Sam slumped a bit, grabbing a cup of tea that had been added for himself. "Facing my stupidity for the most part...what I could've done better and how to make the healthier choices in the future. Anger issues too."

“Anger issues?” Dean took a bite of the waffles and fruit, and smiled softly.

He sipped the tea. "Yeah..I've got it bad."

“I'd like to understand, Sam.”

"There's a lot of anger that's built up over the years, Dean. At myself, at Dad..some at you...mostly at the situations I face. Instead of reacting normally, I get pissed."

“I can't do much about Dad or you, but the situations.....me, what can I do?”

"We're already starting on it. Going to big brother instead of parent for one thing. Communication for the next part. Just..if I start getting angry, you're going to have to help me realize it and get me to vent in a healthy manner."

Dean nodded as he swallowed, and picked up the cup of tea. His eyes popped open wide. “What is this? I don't taste tea, but I do taste vanilla and honey.” He shook his head, took another sip. “It's not bad, though. Surprised me.”

He looked at Sam thoughtfully. “I've got a problem that needs your help, too, Sam. I never knew I was even considered by you as being wrong by being Mom and Dad to you. I'd done it for so long,Sam, tt caused a lot of pain in my life doing it. Pain I told no one about. Still haven't I will admit, when you said that two nights ago, I had mixed feelings about it. I was angry and hurt because I felt I'd had no life being that for you. The other, though, was relief. I'd like to be the big brother and do those things you talked about. Problem I have, is 27 years of being your parents. You're gonna have to help me without getting angry, Sam. Maybe some signal or something to just say 'Hey! Knock it off!' Can you do that?”

He nodded. "Chamomile and yeah, I think it's a good idea. We can set up a signal or set of signals. If we're upsetting each other and need space, if one is doing something that's falling back to old habits, stuff like that."

“Yeah, exactly. Let's face it, Sam. We're gonna fall back into old habits once in a while. We need to guard each other to stop it.”

"Yup, hold each other accountable and be each other's support cause once these guys deem us fit enough, we'll have to watch each other's back.”

“Yeah, being brothers.”

He nodded again.

Dean thought for a few moments. “Signals might not always work with me,Sam. I start getting parental in your mind, call me 'Mom.' That will shut me up faster then anything.”

"You sure?"

Dean winced, “Yeah, I'm sure. Shock factor will knock it out of me faster then some signal. I guarantee it.”

"Or get a fist thrown at me," Sam responded.

The hunter sighed. “Yeah, it's a possibility, but damn it, Sam, you're a big boy. You told me not long ago that you could take me. Anyway, not likely, Sam. Not after what I've been through in here.”

"Seriously, it's wishful thinking on my part. You've got several years experience on me. Only way I get headway is 'cause you hold back."

“Seriously, Sam? I can't not hold back. If you ever got angry at me, you could probably kill me. But, as a brother, I'll teach you and show you where you're making mistakes, if you'd like. Once I'm well.”

"Yeah I would like that because I need to know how to cover your back more effectively."

“That's a date, once the doc gives me a clean bill of health. Changing the subject. I know our tastes run different. I understand that. Could you learn to like fishing?”

"I've never tried but am game to give it my best shot. Watari said I needed some slower type activities for meditation and relaxation."

“Fishing is perfect for that, but hiking can be too. If you get off the beaten path. I did something else while you were recovering. We stayed at the cabin in west Texas. It was out in the middle of desert and mountains. Incredible place, honestly. I want that place badly, Sam. L bought it, and said when I'm ready. Nice little town about 10 miles away. The city is about an hour or so away. I want to make a name for us as mechanics, rebuilders, and one other thing as a mechanic's place. People would come to us. Not too near the cabin. Maybe right outside of the town.”

Sam listened, trying to picture this. "Sounds lovely out there."

“I know there's a lot of snow in winter, but,Sam it's beautiful. The hikes in the desert and the mountains will be incredible. I did a little with Near and Watari. You're alone, unless you brought someone with you. There's places to sit and think. I love South Dakota, and Bobby's place. Don't get me wrong, but, Sam, I don't want to ride on Bobby's shirt tail. I got to train on the new vehicles and diesels. Might take a year of school. Body work, I can do. Sam, there's something else I want to do. You and Bobby may think I'm crazy.”

"What's that?"

"I want to design automobiles."

Well, Dean had rebuilt the Impala and had talent in other things. It made sense for his brother to go into this. "You'll wanna look into online schools. I can help with some of the maths and stuff you'll need to take..at least the core classes you'll have to take. Probably want to expand the cabin then to have an office for you with a drafting table and whatever else you need."

Dean sat still, staring at his brother. You don't think it's crazy.” It was said as a matter of fact, not a question. Sam realized that Dean had expected opposition.

"Why would I? You're bright, got good ideas..you know your way around an engine and car. You know what would work and not..what is needed for the future. Shit, I'm proud of you for realizing what you want."

“Really?” Dean almost sounded like a little boy, not sure if the treat offered was real or not.

"Hell yeah!"

“All right! I had this idea about a year ago. I was driving somewhere to get something. Don't remember now. I saw this guy, driving one of those new electric cars...tiny thing. He was watching my baby and he looked almost green with envy. Men, and some women, Sam, like big cars. The problem is they're expensive to drive now. I want to design one that is aerodynamically efficient. I read that one of the major companies is creating a fuel source that runs on a fuel created on plants out of the ocean. If I can maybe talk to them and see what type of engine would be needed to run solely on this source, we could have a big car that would be cheap to run.”

"The tricky part is approaching them to get the information you need. You'd have to show them some proof that you're designing vehicles to run on it and not looking to steal their ideas." He looked thoughtful on it.

“Well, it's a ways off yet. We got to get a good business going, and make a name for ourselves. I got to go to school and learn design. By that time, I may ask L if he could put a word in. He seems to know a lot of people.”

"He might at that. Maybe even get him as a silent partner or something, that'd be a good way to bring him in."

“You might consider taking some of those law courses, or find us someone honest, Sam. We will need contracts that don't steal my ideas out from under us. I won't sell the rights to anything. I'll work partnership, but I won't sell. The Winchester name is on it.”

"A silent partner to help with funding wouldn't hurt but only with really tight contracts. I could finish that and get a minor in business. That would keep me a bit busy though but worth it."

“You were almost through pre-law. How long does it take to get a law degree? Do you need a doctorate to be really good at it? We could both do it at the same time. While I'm learning the mechanic skills you could finish your pre-law. Then we could work together. You do your law, and I do automotive design.”

"Sounds like a plan. It'll be a challenge for me considering how long it's been since I was in school but think I could do it."

“Man, you can do it. You always had the brains for it. My problem is trying to get into automotive design on a GED.”

"You can do it. We'll get you there."

“Okay, we'll do it.” After I gank Lilith, because you can't be allowed to, little brother.

"We'll have to find a school for you."

“It will have to be some kind of technical school won't it?”

"I'll have to research that honestly. I'm not sure."

“Okay, I haven't seen Watari,yet. Are either of us on for a session today? I imagine I am. You may have a day off.”

"I haven't heard. Think they're giving us time to talk and vent if need be." He rubbed the back of his neck.

“I wish my hands were free. I'd rub your neck for you. Looks like you need it.”

"I've got knots in my neck, shoulders, and upper back like you wouldn't believe."

Dean made a decision. “Get on the floor, on your stomach.”

"You're hurting though, Dean."

“I can do this, Sam.”

"Just promise if it hurts, stop." He looked worried.

“Okay. Take your shirt off. On your stomach.”

The shirt was pulled off, and he laid on the floor with a soft groan.

Dean straddled Sam's butt and began ripping the bandages off his left hand with his teeth. Starting at the lower back he felt for knots. He found where the knots on Sams back, shoulders and neck were. Bending over, he used his arm and elbow to work each knot on the back until it broke free. He'd stop and check with the injured hand. It was slow work, but the back was soon taken care of.

He straddled his brother's back, and was soon working on the shoulders, one knot at a time, using his left hand. He'd stop, shake out the hand and work some more. He began on the neck. The massage took about 45 minutes but Dean had finally worked the knots free.

He slid off onto his left side and lay on his back a moment, catching his breath. “I need some ointment and bandages for the hand, when you're up to moving. I'm surprised someone didn't come in here and kick my ass for removing the bandages. Would have had a fight though.”

"Oh my god, Dean..I think I can move again. I had no idea it was that bad."He got up, stretching and went to find the first aid kit.

The older brother lay on his back on the floor, easing his own muscles. It felt good to have something hard like a floor under him. He forced his back to go straight with no curve. It enabled him to pull muscles and felt good. He relaxed and waited on Sam, wondering why the hell Watari was not in here making a fuss. He would have been if he'd seen. Dean looked around trying to figure where the small cameras could be hidden. Did L turn them off? Why?

Sam came back and rebandaged his hand. "Better?"

“Yeah, thanks. Help me up?” Dean held out the newly bandaged hand.

Supernatural Death Note Chapter 43

Authors: Lady Laran and Tisha Wyman Warnings: Bad language, violence, and some sex. Spoilers: My favorite show is Supernatural. Anyone who knows me will say I am almost obsessed, unless they happen to be Laran, who knows I am. Laran loves Death Note. We both love to write. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd be writing an alternate universe/crossover between the two. What started as a several chapter story has turned into a novel The story had a life of its own. This saga begins towards the end of season 4 and before L truly got involved with the Death Note. This is a story of healing, family,friendship, humor, and horror. We do not own either show or its characters, but I'd take Dean in a heartbeat. We make no money from them. Thank you for reading. Comments are highly appreciated.

LOTR and Puzzles

Dean smiled his thanks and headed towards the elevator. He found his way back to the gardens. He stepped inside, looking for Near, remembering his panic the last time he'd found the boy here.

Near was in his usual crouch, though more careful, working a puzzle.

Dean walked up and looked down at what Near was doing on the table. He wasn't sure what the picture was supposed to be yet. He made sure that Near knew he was there before he spoke.

“Hi, Near. How're you feeling?”

"Near is improving. How is Dean?" There was a tea set, waiting for them with snacks. Near was sipping on a cup already.

Dean looked at the delicate teapot and was grateful that the cups were a regular size. His left hand had been rebandaged by Watari that morning and he could use his fingers some. He poured himself some tea and sat down.

“My wounds are healing up just fine. The bones will take longer and they hurt. It's good to see you doing better. What's the puzzle a picture of? Can't remember doing one, but I'd love to try, if you can use the help.”

"This is a redwood scene, Near believes. Watari purchased more puzzles for Near recently, and Near would find doing puzzles with Dean enjoyable."

Dean sat down and began to look at the pieces. Near already had the border done. Dean started looking for pieces for his part of the puzzle.

“I've seen the redwoods. They remind me of the Mallorn trees in Galadriel's woods in 'Lord of the Rings.' I think that was the Two Towers. They don't have the beautiful yellow flowers, but you can actually drive through one. They're huge. I use to imagine elves living in the tops of them.”

"Near has read the books but has not thought of such a place to be what Dean describes." There was a slight puzzled look on his face.

“It's using your imagination. You think in your mind how you see a place or a person in a book you read. You become part of it, and it becomes part of you. I saw Galadriel's Lothlorien as massive trees that the elves lived in. It's described that way. Not until I saw the redwoods did I really understand what I saw in my mind. Trees like that exist. It's really awesome.”

He picked the box up, looking quizzically at the picture on it."Near can see what Dean sees."

“Now see at the bottom of the trees? That's a man, Near. Think about the Mallorn trees, all silver with yellow flowers. The redwoods are red but they make you feel it.”

He nodded. Near did enjoy playing and could see what Dean was seeing. "Near would like this puzzle finished to see it in a wider view."

Dean enjoyed playing at times. It fed a need from his lost childhood. He smiled. “Yeah, me too. Let's do it. Maybe L can get some of that spray sealant for puzzles and we can frame it and hang it on your wall to remind you of the Mallorn trees.”

"Near had not thought of that."

“It would be a cool thing to do, and I bet L wouldn't mind.”

"Near will ask." He picked up another piece to work. "Dean can choose the next puzzle if Dean wishes."

In a couple of hours, the picture was finished, and both of them were standing looking down on a beautiful scene. Dean held his breath for a second, remembering how magnificent the trees had been. He would love to show them to Near sometime.

"This is very pretty," he commented, staring at the puzzle.

“It is, but it's nothing like really seeing it. The air is cool and crisp. You're not far from the Pacific ocean. It's mountainous there. The trees just keep going up and up and up. You can lay on your back and just stare up through the red wood and the greenery. The cones are huge. You can barely see the sky for trees. They seem to go up for ever.”

Near admired the picture. "Perhaps a trip can be made to see it one day." Though it was complicated given his own albinism.

“A vehicle with dark tinted windows that didn't let sunlight in but allowed you to see out, would be good. If you got in among the trees, and were dressed right, you could manage for a little while. Not real long but long to experience it.”

"Near would like that, Near thinks."

“It's the closest place I've ever come to Middle Earth. Now there are mountains in the Rockies that remind me of some parts of Middle Earth, but nothing like the redwoods.”

They worked on and finished two other puzzles, neither thinking about lunch, talking once in a while, but mostly being quiet together. It was starting to get dark, and Dean's shoulder was starting to hurt. He'd been leaning over in one position for hours. He looked at the stained windows and realized it must be late.

“Near, did you eat today? We need to think about doing something about that. Have you had your meds? Because I missed a noon dose. Wonder why Watari didn't hunt us down? Ah well, who cares. You gonna leave these like this and see if L will get the spray?”

Watari chuckled from the entryway. "I have a larger supper for you both and the spray. L found it would be easier to let you two stay relaxed."

“What do you have tonight, Watari, that you are going to teach me to like?” Dean grinned, but he looked in pain.

"I have a lasagna for you with salad and spinach," he answered. "As well as medication for you both."

“Lasagna? Really? Turkey sausage or ground turkey in it? Low fat cheese I know. Caesar? Thanks for the meds, Watari. I sat way too long in this position. I'm hurting. How did Sam's session go today? I hope it helped him. You said something about addiction.”

He nodded. "He's eating in his room for now.The session was exhausting."

“Near, have you ever seen the Lord of the Rings movies that Peter Jackson did? The extended versions are over 4 hours long and they were filmed in New Zealand which was perfect for Middle Earth. If L has them, we could watch them a little at a time and share them. If you'd like to. I have these sessions, and I'm rebuilding my relationship with Sam, my brother, but I'd love to do this also. Maybe we could pick one night a week and watch one?”

"Near has not. Near believe Matt and Mello would enjoy them as well." He knew the others wanted some fun time with Dean too and Dean could enjoy having the others around.

“I'd like that. I would love to invite Sam and give you a chance to know the real Sam but I don't know if you guys are ready. He can be a lot of fun too. I can understand if you don't want to yet. It won't upset me. Okay?”

"Near will ask Matt and Mello, L as well, to see if this is acceptable and plan for a night."

“If he agrees, and they do also, I'll mention it to Sam then. We could pull an all nighter and watch all three, if you and I are up to it.”

"Of course. Near will ask."

“That would be fun. I hope it's agreeable with everyone because I don't want to leave Sam out of something like that, but not if the boys can't play nice if he's there.”

Dean took his meds and settled to eat the lasagna and the Caesar's salad he so enjoyed. His only comment was, “hmmmm”

Near began eating his meal as well, occasionally taking bites as he focused on the robot toy he carried with him practically everywhere.

The hunter watched the teen and the robot, and wondered about it. He did not ask at the time because Near seemed enthralled in what he was doing. He let him do it and enjoyed his meal and the quiet contentment he felt.

Watari had given the boy a smaller serving, knowing the limits of Near's appetite. Of the group, he was the lighter eater.

After the meal finished, Watari sent the two to their rooms to rest.

Dean walked into his room and threw himself backwards onto the bed. He just lay there, his shoulder and right side hurting badly that night. The pain meds weren't cutting it tonight and he had no idea why.

The older man came by to check on him, having noticed the expression of pain. "Are you all right?"

“Hurt differently tonight for some reason and the pain meds aren't working. Scared to take any more. When these particular bones are damaged, do they do this sometimes? I read the clavicle and the collar bone can be problems for pain. If so, is this gonna happen often?”

"Probably because you were leaned over for so long. Near isn't complaining but is showing similar signs." He left for a moment, coming back in with a heating pad. The older man set it up on low heat, pressing it to the spot that was causing pain. "This should help."

The hunter winced when he was moved to settle the heating pad, but once the heat reached through the bandages, he sighed.

“Oh god that feels good. Thanks, Watari. Near gonna be all right?”

"He will be. Of the four, he tends to hide his pains a lot more so it's difficult to catch."

“So, I'm the barometer? If I hurt, he more then likely does too. I hope it helps.”

"In a way, though his injuries were a bit lower in the torso but yes, if you're uncomfortable, then he must be. His reactions are slow as well." That and Near had eaten less than normal earlier.

“He's not eating right, Watari. Now he's a kid, he's growing, and healing. We gotta make sure he eats more.” Dean hadn't even realized he'd included himself in those who saw to it the boy ate.

"It is not unusual for Near to eat such small amounts so I ensure he has small snacks to help as well."

“Okay. This is really helping, Watari. I'm gonna try to sleep. Thank you. Thanks for the free day. After yesterday, I really needed it. Will Sam be here for breakfast, or do you know?”

"Depends on how he feels. I will ask him," he smiled. "Sleep well now."

“Watari? What happened?”

"What goes on in his therapy is up to him to volunteer. Same with yours."

“I'm sorry. You're right. I just worry about him. I know...Mom/Dad syndrome, but he's my brother. Can't help it.”Dean smiled softly drifting off to sleep.

Watari shut the door behind him, letting the other rest.

Supernatural Death Note Chapter 42

Authors: Lady Laran and Tisha Wyman Warnings: Bad language, violence, and some sex. Spoilers: My favorite show is Supernatural. Anyone who knows me will say I am almost obsessed, unless they happen to be Laran, who knows I am. Laran loves Death Note. We both love to write. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd be writing an alternate universe/crossover between the two. What started as a several chapter story has turned into a novel The story had a life of its own. This saga begins towards the end of season 4 and before L truly got involved with the Death Note. This is a story of healing, family,friendship, humor, and horror. We do not own either show or its characters, but I'd take Dean in a heartbeat. We make no money from them. Thank you for reading. Comments are highly appreciated.

Dean's morning

Dean woke early the next morning. Hearing Sam's steady breathing, carefully eased off the bed. He had no idea if anyone was up, but needed to walk a bit. He went to the restroom, and with a struggle, finally managed to open the door.

He headed to the elevators and picked the garden floor. Entering the humid room, he slowly walked, looking at trees and plants. He thought he was alone at first, until L wished him good morning. Dean froze and turned, seeing the detective in his usual crouch, on one of the chairs.

“Good morning,” Dean answered back.

"Dean is up earlier than I expected," he addressed the other.

“I wasn't planning on it, but I think I had some help sleeping last night.

“Watari's sneaky. I fell asleep too fast.”

L nodded. "He has learned to be when dealing with us," he gestured at the seat. "How are you feeling?"

Dean slowly arranged himself where he would be comfortable. “Physically, mentally, or emotionally? With you, I imagine emotionally?”

"Any of the above."

“Really? You want a full consensus for you notes, Doctor?” Dean smiled a little as he said it.

A tiny curve of the lips was accompanied with his answer. "Only wish to see how you are doing."

“Well, after all my exercise, emotional roller coasters, and some real mental twisting, I hurt like hell, I'm drained, and I'll be all right. Something came up last night that bothered me quite a bit. Not sure what to do with it yet.”

"Which is?"

“This is difficult. I can see what Sam meant to a point. Dad pretty much deserted us and Mom was dead. It was my job to take care of him. I got set in the that mindset. It was wrong. I know that , but you kinda don't stop being a parent. I can't make him see that. “

“In so many words, he told me last night that a parent wasn't what he had needed, but the big brother. He never mentioned it until a short time before I went to hell. That's when I taught him how to work on the car.”

“I just kinda got the feeling that he didn't like the fact that I had been that instead of someone to have fun with. He said he had to grow up sometime. He's right. I told him he'd have to do it now because I couldn't change the past. He jumped on that and wanted to just let it go and start from here.

“It's not that easy. A lot things changed and/or ruined my life because I was Mom and Dad when our father wouldn't do it. I love the idea of being big brother. It's just the thought that what I did do was not wanted. It hurt, L. It shouldn't have. I'm a big boy and I'm trying to not let things do that to me, but it did. He's excited abut this. \I don't want to hurt him.”

"You fall into the role of a parent because you are a person that can be termed big hearted. Look at how quickly you bonded with Near who, argumentably, can be termed as difficult to understand. You need to be open with Sam, tell him that you are afraid that you'll slip back into the prior role. Work a system so he can signal to you if you are and help you get back into the role you were born to play."

“Okay. I'll do it at breakfast. How is Near this morning.” Dean hoped the change of subject would not make L think he was steering away from him, but he knew he was. He was hopeful of no serious sessions but knew that becoming normal was the goal and it required the sessions. He really was concerned about Near.

"Almost back to his normal self, though he has been driving Mello to distraction."

“Mello? Distraction? What's going on?”

He gave a soft chuckle. "He is curious as to why Mello put the pillow under him or alerted us to his condition."

Dean laughed, “And Mello doesn't want him to know he cares.”

"Pretty much."

“In human comedy, that would be called 'Perfection.' It's priceless.”

"Near knows just how to annoy Mello without seeming to try and not be called on it. Matt is simply laughing himself sick watching them."

Dean grinned, “I bet he is.”

"Later today, Sam will be working on another project to further his work on addiction. I thought spending time in the garden with Near might help relax you."

“I'd like that. I enjoy times with Near. He's so innocent, but he can be so devious. He doesn't understand emotions, but he gives so freely from them.”

L nodded. "Yet he does not realize he is doing just that. He's a conundrum in his own right."

“I'm not gonna tell him he's doing that. It would worry him. Besides, if you see it with your eyes, you know it's real. He's real, conundrum and all. I like him like he is.”

Another nod. "It seems Watari is ready to bring your breakfast up. We can adjourn this and resume once you have eaten and showered."

Dean headed back downstairs to his room. Watari arrived at the same time. Sam opened the door, looking at Dean questioningly.

Watari smiled to himself, setting up their meal. "I shall be back in about half an hour to help you with the shower."

“Thank you, Sir. Oh! What new thing am I gonna learn to like today?” Sam, having heard it a couple of times already, realized it was a game between the two men.

"Omelet, fruit cup, and green tea."

“An omelet? What's in it? What kind of fruit? Why is the tea green?” Sam was smiling. Did Dean do this to the man every meal? Watari must be incredibly patient.

"It's a vegetarian omelet, which I think you will like. The fruit cup is berries today." Patiently, he explained what green tea was and why it was healthy.

“Thank you, Sir. No odd veggies in the omelet?”

"Things you will enjoy, I promise," he chuckled.

Dean sighed, “That's good. Thank you, Sir.” Sam wasn't used to hearing his brother call anyone 'Sir' quite like that. Not since Dad.”

Watari teased him. "You behave yourself and eat it, you'll have a surprise during your visit later."

Dean's eyes sparkled and he grinned, “Is there some reason why I wouldn't eat it? I look forward to the surprise, Watari.Thanks so much.”

"Actually, because you have no meat in this meal and I'm steadily trying to bring out the omnivore in you instead of the diehard carnivore," the teasing continued and Sam had to smother his laughter.

“Hey, I'm an omnivore! I eat veggies on cheeseburgers all the time,and I eat baked potatoes and french fries.”

Sam started laughing as Watari fixed him with a gimlet glare, which was obviously borderline laughing as well. "No, Dean, that is about as convincing as the whole cows eat grass argument."

“Does that one work? I eat eggs, and chickens eat corn.”

"No it doesn't work. Matt tried that argument with me. You will eat your vegetables, young man."

“Yes, Sir! I'd salute, Sir, but the arm won't go up.”

"Eat!" He was laughing now, eyes sparkling with merriment.

Dean picked up a fork, and cut off a large piece of omelet and rammed it in his mouth and smiled at the older man. The hazel eyes were definitely twinkling. Sam knew it wasn't bad manners this time. His brother was playing a game with the older man. It was good to see.

"Darn, I guess it means you liked it and I won't have to have someone feed you." The teasing was a lot of fun.

“That depends on what SHE looks like. I can easily not like it.”

"No females in the building," he informed him.

“Really? What do you do for fun?”

"Read," he answered, watching him closely.

Dean looked wicked for a few minutes.“What floorboard are the Busty Asian Beauties magazines hidden under?”

Sam nearly choked on his omelet at Watar's response. "None but I can point you to a nice thick edition of Conan-Doyle's Sherlock Holmes."

Sam did choke at his brother's response. “Fantastic! I'd like to borrow that. I started it when Sam went to Stanford. I got hurt bad on a hunt. I was laid up for eight weeks. I had a stack. Got a few read but Dad came back early. Didn't get to finish Doyle.”

At this point, both men realized the older hunter wasn't joking any longer.

"I'll get the copy for you," he smiled.

Dean nodded his thanks, his mouth full of omelet.

After Watari went to check on his other charges, Sam looked at his brother. "If I'd known, I'd have gotten you a copy."

“Sam, if I remember right, the few times I mentioned something in a book you looked at me like I was crazy. I remember once saying, 'Hey, I read.' You wouldn't have believed it, Sam. Besides, after I came and got you at Stanford, things were never quite right between us. We didn't talk a lot of personal stuff, and when we did we usually ended up fighting. You wouldn't have known cause I wouldn't have told you.”

"I'm sorry for that. Matt was right...I should've encouraged you to learn instead of putting you down."

“What the hell?”

Sam stared at his plate, quietly telling him about the conversation he'd had with Matt the day before.

“I ought to kick his ass, but he was trying to defend me so I can't. When exactly did you put me down for lack of education? Look, I'm what I am, Sam. Not much can be done about it. I have a GED, and I read when I get a chance. You're the college boy; the one with the brains. I inherited the looks.” Dean picked up his spoon and started eating the berries.

"We agreed you wouldn't put yourself down anymore, Dean, and you're not stupid. I laughed at you when you had questions instead of answering them. That's not what a good brother would do."

“In our family, it was, Sam. It was the norm to pick at me if I got serious about learning. You know that. Dad was the worst.You just learned from him. Okay. I'm not angry about it. That's just how it was. I just started playing the fool, making jokes cause it was easier to deal that way.”

"Still, I'm sorry for that."

“By the way, Nietzsche sucked.”

He grinned, "Agreed."

Dean was drinking is tea, waiting until Watari returned.

"Verdict?"

“It's not bad. I had no idea there were so many kinds of teas, though.”

Watari smiled. "I keep it varied for the boys, though I doubt most of them would even notice if I didn't. L drowns his most of the time."

“I enjoy a good meal. I just don't get them that often. I do notice things and I ask about them. I know we have fun with it, but I seriously want to know.”

"I'm also getting recipes together for you two. Simple ones that aren't too costly but will keep you both healthy. Samuel, why don't you go and get ready? I will meet you in half an hour or so. Dean, are you ready to clean up?"

“Yeah, I am. We wrapping me up?”

Watari was brandishing the saran wrap while Sam laughed and hurried out. "I'm going to take the bandages off though and we'll replace them when you get out."

“It's strange that they worked it out to have the whole thing bandaged and no cast”

"Surgeons are amazing people," he murmured, helping Dean out of the robe and began removing the old bandages. "The wounds seem to be healing rather well so far."

“How's Near's doing? I know it hit my shoulder, tore up a bunch of stuff in there before it went into him but the ricochet in him turned and went further down and that scared me.”

"He's moving stiffly and with some pain, which is to be expected given what he went through and his small size. We're keeping an eye on him though to make sure he heals properly. The new doctor is staying on call as well."

“ I'm glad to know that. Near scared me and he needs someone close by. L likes this new doctor? How long before he's on staff?”

"He's already on staff," he answered. "L seems to approve of him thus far."

Dean nodded and stood still as Watari wrapped him. He headed in to take a shower. He was in there for about 20 minutes, not wanting to stop, but finally got out and dried off, noticing his clothes were missing.

“Watari, my stuff's gone.”

"I have fresh for you. I had to find them," he laughed softly. A pair of underwear, pajama bottoms and clean robe were laid onto the counter.

“Thanks.”

Dean brushed his teeth and his hair, wishing his left was not banged up. He wanted a shave badly. He dressed in everything but the robe. Watari would be removing the plastic and rebandaging him and then helping him get the robe on over the bandages. He turned and headed back to the bedroom. He was glad the doctor was here for Near. In twelve weeks, he'd have the bandages removed, and start hunting again. He really did not care much for doctors. It was relief he was fine enough not to have to be bothered by one all the time.

Once he was out, Watari applied the ointment and fresh bandages to help keep the wounds clean and on the path to healing smoothly.

Dean smiled and thanked him. “You know the wounds are sore. I've had worse, but the clavicle and the shoulder blade aren't much fun. Thanks again for helping me. Am I supposed to go back up to the garden?”

"Second floor. L's waiting for you there."

“Okay....” Dean headed out the door which was open and towards the elevator hallway. He got in and managed to press 2. Stepping off the elevator, he turned to see what was around him.

The room was a softly lit library, and L was sitting on a comfortable chair with a book on his knees.

Dean looked around in awe. “Is this whole floor a library?” he asked softly.

"Yes it is. Feel free to make use of it anytime you wish."

Dean softly said, “Thank you.” He started browsing. L watched him out of the corner of his eye. Dean looked at books on automobile mechanics, books on firearms, mythology, and medicine. He turned and headed toward the fiction under the D's. He finally found the Doyle. There was a recliner in an alcove, and the hunter settled there with the Sherlock Holmes book.

L had intended on having a session this morning but had realized that Dean needed time to relax and recharge, which is why he'd chosen the library and then allow him time with Near.

L kept an eye on the hunter as he read. One thing surprised the detective. Dean seemed to turn the pages faster then most people with his education would do He wondered where the older brother had learned to speed read, and did Sam know?

"Dean, you did get your GED. Have you thought of a university?"

“Yeah, the winter after Sammy went to Stanford. I stayed put and took the classes. Wasn't hard. Dad had a fit about it, but I did it.” He was quiet after the response, but he wasn't reading. He was thinking.

"How about going back and completing?"

“Other then Dad who walked out on me, you're the only person I've said that to. Think about it a minute. No one, I mean no one has ever considered asking me that. I'm not college material, L. I'm a hunter. We don't make the kind money school requires.”

"You are college material, Dean. I've seen the scores from that school and your GED. There are grants and loans available to you as well."

“I'm too old for living on campus, L. I'd have to live. I don't think credit card scams would get me far if I stayed put. Then there's the question of what would I study? What the hell do I know other then cars and killing. If I graduated, I'd be 35-36 years old. There will be all of those in their 20s with more years to offer. I would have no experience. I can't see it. I mean. It's a great idea, but I just can't see it. Not me.”

He looked up from his book. "You have a habit of thinking defeat before the battle even begins. There are universities that offer online courses that can be taken at your leisure. Four year degrees and you have time before choosing a major."

“Seriously?” Dean looked L in the eyes, and realized the man was very serious. He sat up holding the Holmes book between his hands. “I want to be a mechanic and be able to do it. But I'd love to study automotive design....know how to create what I want. I can build it if I can design it. I have no idea where you go to do something like that.”

"I will find information for you," he answered softly. "But you must stop thinking defeat before the battle is even joined."

“I don't with everything, just personal stuff. It's never been about me ever. My thoughts are on what others should be able to do. I figure I'll be a hunter...won't live to old age. It's what I was taught. I think that is one thing that drove Sam to where he was. Not wanting to be fighting when he's old. I just never really thought of anything beyond this, L.. It never seems to end.”

"It will. Everything has an end."

Dean sighed. “If it's going to end, I'd like to live to see it. I really just want to open that business with Sam, rebuild damaged cars, do repairs, and design something spectacular. I'd like to have that degree, but I also need to go to school to work on the new cars, trucks, and diesels. It's a lot, I know.”

"Another adventure, just of a different sort," he answered softly.

“One that might actually bring happiness, you think?”

"Happiness is worked towards, fought for. It's not given."

“To have what I want is going to take a hell of a lot of time and work. Fighting for it? Yeah it'll take some fighting. Nothing worth having is given to you.”

"As long as you keep that in mind, you will succeed."

“I'd like that. Any way, can I borrow this book? What time do I get to see Near?”

"You may borrow it. Near will be waiting for you as soon as you are ready. I hope you enjoy puzzles."

“I'm sure I will. Where do I meet him?”

"The interior gardens," he gave a tiny smile.