Session 1Part 1
“They're lucky then. Is it okay to go for a walk outside, if I stay in the fenced in area?”
"Stay in the fenced area. Cameras are always on so you'll be all right."
“Oh, damn, I didn't ask earlier, and I should have. Did L do protection for the building? Sigils, and stuff?”
"Bobby taught us all and we worked together as a team to do it while you and Near were in the hospital."
A look of relief crossed Dean's face. “Okay, great. I'm gonna go for a walk.”
He nodded. "The cameras are active. I'll be near them, just in case." Not that anything would happen but Dean was still healing. "Just don't overdo."
“Okay. Thanks.”
Watari escorted him to the backdoor so Dean could enjoy the sunshine.
Dean slowly walked the grounds, enjoying a nice breeze and the smell of flowers in the air. The sun was bright, but it wasn't too hot. There were paved paths throughout the grounds, and all of the paths were shaded. He wondered where he was...city?...state?...., and panic....country?
He found a place near a small pond with a fountain spraying out of the middle. Birds were singing in the distance, he found a bench to sit down on , and leaned his head back against a tree, eyes closed, taking in the scents and sounds.
The gardens were pretty much designed with the concept of zen in mind, arranged to help refresh the mind and spirit.
Dean slowly fell asleep, resting peacefully.
A short time later, a cool hand on the man's uninjured shoulder applied enough careful pressure to stir him back into wakefulness.
Dean's eyes slowly opened and yawning, he stared up to see who had awakened him.
L's dark eyes met his. "I came to check on you."
Dean nodded and said “I'm fine, thank you, L” He regretted being woke up. It had been a long time since he'd had a dreamless sleep. It had felt good. He started to stretch, grabbed his right side, hissing. “I must remember not to do that. You want to join me? There's plenty of room on the bench.”
He crouched on the bench, looking idly at the gardens. "How are you doing really? Not physically."
“Still dealing. Who am I kidding. It's hell, okay. I go somewhere or intentionally go to that room and face something, more and more comes out that I'd intentionally buried and forgotten, or blocked and never really knew. There was a lot that came back last night. Hell, it's worse then just drinking to forget.”
"Less damage to your liver actually and it is healthier emotionally for you in the long run," came the flat response. L could not claim to be a people person but he was trying to help.
“Tell me how knowing more hell then I knew before and not knowing why is going to help me in the long run, cause, I'm so damn confused. I'm remembering stuff I never knew existed. I blocked it out. Now I got more questions. Still no answers. I just want to be normal. I don't want angels and demons after my ass. I'll hunt the bad guys but I don't want to be a hero in some cosmic plan. Just let me hunt and leave me alone.”
"Dean, life never has all the answers. I have been looking for that for a long time. I am not the best at living life as you have. I work in the shadows, avoid contact. However, I do know that suppressing memories and emotions is like dealing with a bomb. It will go off. If you learn to handle them and talk to someone, then it is easier."
“How do I explain my life without sounding like a whiny kid? Last night was absolute hell. There was stuff I didn't even know I'd seen. I learned things I didn't want to know. It hurts so damn bad, L. I don't know how to make it better.”
"You don't. You can't go back into the past and change it. You just start dealing with it instead of hiding from it. You learn healthy habits instead of crawling into a bottle. I know I sound uncaring but the simple fact is, you will learn healthy coping habits from us to learn to deal when bad things happen. If I could, I would change the bad issues from my heirs' pasts but I can't, so we teach them to handle it."
“Tell me how a 31 year old man takes what happened when was he four years old and blocked out and heals from it. My whole life evolved around that four year old Dean. All of it did.”
The dark eyes took on a look of cunning. "Closure for one. If I gave you that opportunity, would it end this curse you feel you are under?"
“Hell, yeah, it would. I got to help that four year old kid understand that he can't hold on to this. He has to shut the door and go on. Everything else that has happened stems around that four year old, his Mom, Dad, and little brother. All of it.”
"I will strike a bargain with you. You focus on learning life skills..healthy coping mechanisms..and I will ensure you are there to get that closure."
“Where do I get them? I'll do anything to stop this pain and self destruct course I'm on.”
"Watari and I will teach you. We will give you books to read. Talk to us and even your friend, Bobby."
“How do you deal with watching a demon kill your Mom? I saw a nightmare that night, L. He ripped her open, drove her up a wall to the ceiling, and set her on fire. He leaned over and did something to Sammy. She knew him. I know why now, but I didn't know anything for a long time. I stopped talking, L, for a whole damn year. I know why now. I was protecting Sammy and me. Dad left us for two years to learn how to hunt. He'd come see Bobby, hold Sam, but he avoided me. Bobby said last night that Dad saw my mom in me. I guess he was angry that I was alive and she wasn't. I just want normal, L. I need normal. Whatever I have to do.”
“What is the coping mechanism for that? I really need to know.”
Slender cold fingers cupped the man's face, making him look at L. "You can't. Your mother died, accept it, move on. Your father messed up and put you both on paths you were not built for. Accept, grieve, move on. I will give you closure to the path the demon set your family on. What you do afterward is up to you."
“It works? Just accepting it? How do you do that? I mean let go? Help me here, L? “
"You accept it happened, you feel sorrow for losing her and miss her, but you move forward. You do not allow that to color every decision you make."
“You mean because I saw that at so young an age, I held on to the nightmare, and I never mourned and let her go? I never had closure for her?”
He nodded. "For Mello and Matt, I was able to find their parents' graves and show them, allowed them to mourn. This gave them closure and the ability to move forward."
“My Mom's grave is empty. She completely burned up.”
He tapped Dean's forehead. "Let her rest here. In your mind, you're still seeing her during her death."
“Okay, I remember the good things, then?”
"Exactly. The happier memories will start to override the painful ones."
“I can do that.” For the first time in his life, Dean Winchester felt hopeful. “So, I still got to face myself with this stuff, so I remember stuff, then I do with it what I am doing with this?”
He nodded. "Dean, you hold on to the negative for too long and focus solely on that. Your brother is the same. You need to find happier memories and focus on those, allow the need to protect people to drive your ambition. Not the need for revenge."
'No, L. Mine hasn't been revenge in two years. I killed the yellow eyed demon. My revenge was over. It's Sammy. I hunt because I help people.”
"There's something that's still allowing you to hang on to the rage."
“I won't deny there's anger issues, L. You can't mourn that. There's my Dad's crap, there's dying a horrible death, going through what I did in hell to save Sam's life, to find this is how he dealt with it, and then he tells me I can't do the job any more. He hooks up with and is screwing a demon. The lies he's been telling me. I worked with him before I died, teaching him how to go on without me. He kept telling me he wasn't using his powers because I had asked him not to. My brother, L. Yeah. I'm angry.”
"With good reason. Your father was wrong in leading you both into this life and not raising you as normal parents would. You cannot face him with this but you can let that go. You save lives every day. If you did not have this career, would these people still be alive?" He frowned slightly. "As far as your brother, the codependency between you two must be addressed. He was easy to mislead by the demon because of his depression."
“I do understand that. I sold my soul for him. He tried to do the same thing, but they had me where they wanted me, and he was in Ruby's hands. She's got her claws in deep. She can't be allowed to use him any more, L.”
"She won't," he answered flatly. "I will see to that. His goal until she found him was to take your place. It wasn't until she showed back up that he began to think of revenge. It was intricately played by her."
Sam says the body she uses is a dead one at his request. I have a weapon that will kill her just as she is, and won't let her leave the body. It will destroy her.”
"Thanks to Bobby, she cannot leave her body now. She will remain trapped until I am satisfied I have every drop of information I can gain from her."
“How do you know she's not lying to you?”
A light smirk crossed his face. "I'm L. I know better."
“The only thing I know is that a demon will tell you enough truth to string you in or hurt you. The rest is lies.”
"Did you know that when a demon lies in a host body, the host body has the same reaction a human does when lying?"
Dean gave L a strange stare. One that said 'what the hell? He had no idea.
“Would you run that by me one more time?” Suddenly a light bulb came on. “You talking the nervousness that shows up on a lie detector test?”
"When a human lies, the pulse speeds up, same as respiration. A demon lies in a human body, the body gives the same reaction. It was an interesting experiment."
“You're doing experiments on her?” Dean's voice was calm, and there was no horror or any feeling towards the possibility.
He shook his head. "Not like you think. I needed to know whether or not her host body responded like a normal human's to stress. It does."
Dean laughed, bitterly, “I could have saved you the time. She feels everything, and, if you're feeding her, she's very fond of French fries.”
"Hmm...I have no desire to give her anything she would be fond of. In fact, her diet has been suggested by my heirs."
Dean smirked, “I can just imagine.”
"I believe this morning's meal for her was Brussels sprouts." A dish all four of the geniuses loathed.
“The little green cabbages that stink so bad?” Dean shuddered.
He nodded, wrinkling his nose.
“You got a gas mask in the kitchen for the cook?”
"That part, I'm uncertain."
“That's cruel, L. You should take better care of your cook then that. You might lose a good cook.”
He shook his head slightly. "I am certain all the proper precautions are made."
“I believe the use of poisonous gases is against the law.” The hunter grinned, “You might consider piping it into wherever you're keeping that bitch.”
There was a soft chuff of a laugh. "Indeed. I shall present that idea to Watari."
“Oh, try liver or kidneys for breakfast for her.”
He tilted his head. "I would not do that. It would be too hospitable to present kidneys for breakfast."
“What?” Confusion showed in the hunter's eyes, again. L noted that the young man had a habit of scratching his head when he was trying to figure something out.
"A traditional English breakfast includes kidneys."
Dean turned green. For someone who would eat almost everything, turning green was surprising. “You do know it smells like piss?”
He shook his head. "No, I was not aware of it. I have not partaken of that specific dish."
“I've used it as catfish bait, and it definitely smells like piss.”
His nose wrinkled slightly. "Disgusting."
“Yeah, well that's what they're used for, after all.”
"I knew dietary habits were odd in England but that is a bit too much."
“They're bad in this country too. Sweetbreads, menudo, and brains.”
He shook his head. "I believe I will stay with cake."
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