Supernatural Death Note Chapter 97

Authors: Lady Laran and Tisha Wyman Warnings: Bad language, violence, and some sex. Spoilers: My favorite show is Supernatural. Anyone who knows me will say I am almost obsessed, unless they happen to be Laran, who knows I am. Laran loves Death Note. We both love to write. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd be writing an alternate universe/crossover between the two. What started as a several chapter story has turned into a novel. The story had a life of its own. This saga begins towards the end of season 4 and before L truly got involved with the Death Note. This is a story of healing, family,friendship, humor, and horror. We do not own either show or its characters, but I'd take Dean in a heartbeat. We make no money from them. Thank you for reading. Comments are highly appreciated.

Sarah's Time to Learn About Dean.

"Sam?"

"Yeah, Dean?"

"Can you stay a minute? You can have Sarah here, if you want."

He nodded as the others hurried out to go back to their prior activities.

"You want to sit down? Is Sarah here?" Dean looked outside and saw her near the tarps. "Sarah! Come on in."

She headed in. "You sure?"

"Yeah, Come on in. You are marrying Sammy and this is a family thing. You never know when something might come up. It's better to be prepared."

Sarah took a seat next to Sam, wondering what was going on.

"First off, Sam and I had an asshole for a father."

"So I heard," she responded.

"I spent my whole life being told I was too pretty to be a guy and I would attract the wrong people. It would be my fault. Sam, you can jump in any time if you have something to add. Okay?"

He nodded, listening to his brother.

"I'm not gonna go into the whole sordid details. Dad left us alone a lot longer then he said he would. More then two months before it was over. We ran out of money. I was around 15 at the time. I went to a pool hall and used a fake ID and they let me in. I had no idea why. Dang it, I helped hunt at times, but I mainly protected Sam. I won that night. These guys attacked me and forced me to take them in my mouth."

Her eyes closed. "If the ass wasn't dead, he would be now when I got my hands on him."

"They told me I had to keep coming back and they knew about Sam. I should have called Pastor Jim or Bobby, but I was scared. I thought it was my fault. I went every week and I played pool. They met me behind the pool hall sometimes, and the restroom the rest."

It was obvious Sarah was angry but kept quiet, letting Dean share this.

"The last week, they said what we were doing wasn't enough for the money I won. They dragged me upstairs and they beat me pretty bad and they raped me."

"Oh god," she murmured.

"Where they beat me, it wasn't seen. Where Dad beat me the whole world could see. He came home and was angry that Sam was alone. He found us. All five of them and me. They were laying cash out on the bed. He took my clothes, my shoes....everything and left me there. He called me a whore."

Her fingers tightened on the arm of the couch.

"He said nothing to those men, just let them go. I wrapped myself in a blanket and walked back to the motel, barefooted. It was so cold out, and I felt frozen inside and out. I managed to find a hairpin in the gravel on the parking lot and picked the lock. Everything was gone. Sam, Dad, and all our stuff. He left me nothing. I sat on a bed, wrapped in that blanked for a week. I bled like crazy for a while. I didn't care. If I'd still had my gun, I'd have ended it then. Just as well. I couldn't have left Sam any way."

The fabric of the couch protested the tightening grip.

"Dad came back but without Sam. I panicked. Sam and I were together for all that time and Dad split us up because of me. He said he couldn't risk leaving Sam alone with me. I might get him hurt. He got a scrub brush and dish soap from the kitchen. He used it in both places they touched me. I wanted to fight him, but he said Sam was going to hunt because I wasn't protecting him. He said he was cleaning the filth. Then he beat the crap out of me."

Her voice was flat. "We're certain the asshole is dead?"

"We burned him, so..yeah. He drove us to Bobby's and we stayed a couple of days. Bobby and Sam asked about me. Dad had said we'd hunted and I got hurt. He's already said I had to go along with him or he'd tell everyone what a whore I was. I'd hidden it pretty good down through the years, but I slept with just about any woman who hit on me. I wasn't a whore if they liked me and weren't paying."

"Dean, you're not a whore. Your father was an arrogant asshole who deserves the worst torment imaginable."

"I know that now...tonight. But, you see, Ruby reinforced it."

She looked at Sam, who looked at his hands for a moment. "That one needed a bullet in the brain pan."

"I'd rather not talk about it more then to say she was trying to get Sam to kill me. I did what she wanted because I was heavily drugged. She whipped me with a whip and I made love to her. She wanted to compare us and I couldn't not do it. It brought back memories of what Dad had told me. You're like your mother...too pretty for a guy. They will take you over and over and you'll let them because pretty boys do. I thought he was crazy. Then I wasn't so sure any more. Ruby proved his point."

"No she didn't. She played on her sickness. Your father was wrong."

"Sam, he fed both of us. He told me you were dangerous and I might have to kill you. The one person I'd die for he wanted me to kill? I sold my soul for you after that. Kill you? Hell, no! Sam, you were never evil. The blood Azazel gave you only brought it out of its dormant state. You were still normal, Sammy. You always have been. Like me, it wasn't your fault. You need to know, understand, and believe that you are a great guy, Sam."

"The only reason I didn't kill myself to stop all this was because you kept telling me that, and I believed you."

"Okay, Sammy. I'm glad I kept telling you. You see, guys. Dad made me feel worthless. I needed my family to prove I wasn't. If I had you, I had something to live for. Alone, I was nothing. He never wanted me. He dumped me as soon as Sam left for college. He liked the battles with Sam, and I wouldn't fight him. Sam, I seriously think that he went insane the night Mom died, but there were times before you were born, where he wouldn't come home, and she'd talk to him on the phone and try to get him to just come back. I spent those times trying to let her know I loved her. I think he wasn't right before she died, but her dying did him in. We got the punishment for it, Sammy. That's what I learned tonight. It's not my fault. It's not yours either. We're normal, Sammy. We are. We get a second chance now.

"Sarah, welcome to the Winchester family. We are what you see. Lisa, not just that welcome, but welcome into my heart. I love you. You two are the only women who saw us as we are, and didn't run from us. That says a hell of a lot about the kind of women you are. I told Sam, he should marry you, Sarah, back when you said you didn't care what he did."

Sarah was quiet for a moment. "He served in Vietnam?"

"Yeah, he did. He seemed like such a nice, normal guy. That's when I found out she was a hunter, and so were Grandma and Grandpa Campbell. Cas sent me back in time not too long ago."

The period of silence was longer for a moment. "Dean..it's possible that your dad was suffering from PTSD at least..if not more. A lot of people who came back, they came back changed in bad ways."

The silence continued, as Sam and Dean thought about what was just said. "It's possible. Highly possible. The night Azazel took him, he said things to me that the demon wouldn't have thought of if he hadn't been inside of Dad. He got too close, into my personal space, which Dad would have done. He said things no father would say to his son. He hurt me real bad, and Sam had to shoot him to stop him. Then the asshole sold his soul and gave the colt to Azazel to save my life? No, he wanted to make sure I killed Sam. He knew I'd get Azazel, or Sam would, but it was like he wanted to destroy us from the inside out. He was sick....bad sick."

She nodded. "It doesn't excuse what he did, not by a long shot, but..it might explain things. I'm sorry you had to go through it."

"It's okay now. Sam and I wouldn't be where we are right now if we hadn't gone through it. We're better for it in the long run. At least I think we are. It was just best that you girls knew our pasts. Well, at least part of them. There's way too much to talk about in one evening. You got the major stuff. I just hope I haven't scared you off. I don't think I have. Not by a long shot, but you had a right to know."

"Thank you for sharing it, Dean, I know it couldn't be easy for you."

Supernatural Death Note Chapter 96

Authors: Lady Laran and Tisha Wyman Warnings: Bad language, violence, and some sex. Spoilers: My favorite show is Supernatural. Anyone who knows me will say I am almost obsessed, unless they happen to be Laran, who knows I am. Laran loves Death Note. We both love to write. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd be writing an alternate universe/crossover between the two. What started as a several chapter story has turned into a novel. The story had a life of its own. This saga begins towards the end of season 4 and before L truly got involved with the Death Note. This is a story of healing, family,friendship, humor, and horror. We do not own either show or its characters, but I'd take Dean in a heartbeat. We make no money from them. Thank you for reading. Comments are highly appreciated.

Lisa Learns About Dean and Ruby.

Dean and Sam watched the sky slowly grow dark, as the sun set. Sam knew it was late and that Dean was tired but not giving in. He figured his brother would drop soon. He watched this happen often during his healing from the shoulder injuries. He had something on his mind he wanted to ask him and thought now was as good a time as any, since they were pretty much alone.

"Dean? I know you plan to marry Lisa. I watched you ask her. Does she know about your past? The other women? The pool hall? Ruby?"

Dean stared at him like he'd never seen him before.

"Dean, think about it. These are things that affect your relationship with women. She needs to know."

Dean kept staring. "She knows there's been other women, and why. She knows about the pool hall, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna tell her about Ruby. You tell Sarah about Madison and Ruby, Sam?"

His voice was soft. "I have actually."

"Yeah? How'd she handle you wanting it with them?"

"She understood Madison but smacked the hell out of me for being stupid on Ruby," he admitted.

"Tell me this. I told her about those men and how Dad treated me. It was hard to tell a woman you want to respect you and believe you are strong enough to protect her and your son. How do you tell her that you got raped by a demon? That's twice, Sammy. I can't protect myself from it. How do I protect her?"

"By trusting the rest of your family to help," he pointed out to him.

"So, you're saying I need to tell her? Does Sarah know that happened to me? Either time?"

"I haven't told her because you've not said I could or not. I respect your privacy, Dean."

"Do you think she needs to know these things, Sam?"

"I don't know..unless you're alone with her and have a reaction of some kind?"

"Why would I need to be alone with Sarah?" Dean grew quiet for a moment, and than, spoke softly, "I guess you're right, I do need to tell Lisa. Hell! This is just not fair, Sam. I didn't ask for this."

"No you didn't, Dean, but as much as we'd love to change it, it did happen. Now all we can do is help you through it."

"If you think Sarah needs to know, you tell her and you let me know. I don't want something popping off without me knowing first. Okay? I guess I need to go get Lisa. I'm tired and I'm not gonna be able to sleep with this up in the air. I don't guess you guys could kinda ask Ben to spend the night?"

"Not a problem or I could see if Matt can arrange a gaming night for them."

"If Lisa would allow it, that would be great. Let me know what is decided before I go get her."

"I'll go ask Matt," he said and then went to find the teenager.

Dean felt almost as sick and nervous as he did when he faced Sam, only this time he had no audio. He was starting to tremble, and damn it, he needed to be in control. He had had a hard time talking about those men at the pool hall but he'd been a teen at the time. This was different...so different.

Sam came back and nodded. Matt would entertain Ben tonight.

"That's an all nighter, Sam. Did Lisa say okay?"

"She did; Ben's collecting his stuff now. and will be here to put it up and get what he needs for this evening."

"I'm getting light headed and I think I'm about to throw up." Dean got to his feet much too quickly. He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes for a minute. "Oh, god, out of the way, Sammy." He rushed to the bathroom and fell to his knees, losing his entire meal. The whole room was swimming. He knew it was fear and stress, but he didn't know what to do about it."

Lisa went into the house, hearing Dean be sick and hurried. She packed a few items for Ben, giving it to Sam, and then went to check on her fiance. Dean was leaning against the bathroom wall behind the door, his knees drawn up, head laying on them. His face was very white, where she could see each freckle had. He was sweating badly.

She wet a washcloth and wiped his face with it. "Dean, what's wrong?"

He looked up at her and she could see the haunted look in his eyes. "Sammy asked me if I'd told you things about me. Seems there's one I didn't, Lis. I didn't want you to know. I'm sorry. He says you need to know."

"Love, if you're not ready, then don't traumatize yourself."

"Lis, I don't have a choice, hon. I'll never be ready. It's do or die right now. Everyone knows except you, Sarah, and Ben. There's a possibility that Sara will know if Sam thinks she needs to."

She ran fingers through his hair. "Then talk to me."

"I told you about the other women in my life. I told you what happened at the pool hall and how my dad behaved. There was one other time I didn't tell you about. There's an audio on a computer somewhere that was used when I told Sam. Bobby, I guess, knew because someone told him while I was hurting. There was an injury that was healed by Cas when he was injured badly. I didn't get the full healing like this time. Right after that I got shot. This deals with Ruby. We were hunting some really vicious creatures, Lis. They had body fluids of some kind of acid. They were eating people and their queen was fixing to mate, but she used a human. I was prepared for it, but they drugged me with some black stuff. I had to do it, so I could cut her head off. Ryu and Mello were there ready to take out the rest. They took me to a foul smelling room and manacled me to a ring on the floor. Ruby showed up, Lis. She used a whip and beat me. Then...then..sh...she started taking her clothes off. The stuff they gave me deadens pain, and makes you do whatever they want. She wanted to compare me to Sam. So after, Ruby, I had to do it again with the queen who I was planning on doing it with. I killed her and blood went everywhere. I got badly burned. That healed, Lis, but Ruby hasn't."

Her gaze was sympathetic and sorrowful as she listened to the story. "Oh Dean," she murmured softly.

"I'm working on the healing, Lis, but it's hard. Once, well, you learn to deal once you get help, but twice. Hell, I don't understand what's wrong with me that would cause this. It scares me, Lis."

"Listen to me, there's nothing that's wrong with you. Understand? Things happen..it's unfortunate and very sad but until the nature of people change, crimes and acts like this will remain."

"I understand that better then most, Lis, but I'm a man. Hell, it shouldn't have happened once. It happened twice. Damn it! How can I protect anyone if I can't protect myself? Sam said that I have family to help. That sounds like he thinks I can't either."

"Dean Winchester, enough. Rape doesn't see gender. It doesn't see class, color or anything else. There's no rhyme or reason to it. The strongest of people can be taken by it...some more than once. Are they weak? No, they're strong because they survive it." She stared at him. "Sam was telling you that family will help protect you and us because that's what family does. He didn't mean that you can't do it. If he thought that, he'd have told you."

"Then what my dad kept telling me isn't true. I'm not some kind of magnet. It just happens. God, please let that be true."

"Your father was an asshole of the highest degree and if he were alive right now, I'd shoot him," she told her love with a ferocious tone.

Dean's eyes widened in surprise. "You would? Because of me? He said I was too pretty and I looked too much like my mom. He said a guy who looked like me was going to have things happen all the time. He said I ask for if I even return a stare."

She growled. "Shooting's too good for him... burning him at the stake makes more sense."

Dean sighed, "It's not true? It's not my fault this happened. I'm not a whore. I'm not drawing them out to come after me? I'm okay, then?"

"You are more than okay. You're not weak, especially with the strength of your family behind you. Love makes us all strong."

Dean nodded, and struggled to get up off the bathroom floor. He leaned against the wall for a moment, finally grabbing Lisa and pulling her into his arms. He laid his head on her shoulder and cried from relief.

She held him close, rocking slightly and humming. He held her tight against him, and sobbed, "I'm gonna be okay. There's nothing wrong with me." She could hear the relief in his voice and knew he would be.

Lisa continued to hold him, knowing he'd been told this before but tonight was the first time he'd actually heard and believed it. Dean held her out in front of him so he could look into her eyes. He raised his face to the ceiling and the sky and world beyond it and shouted at the top of lungs, "There's nothing wrong with me!" He grinned with tears going down his face and kissed her deeply.

She laughed, then handed him a toothbrush. He looked at the brush, and realization dawned on him.

"Oh my gosh, Lis! I'm sorry!." He grabbed a bottle of mouthwash and gave it to her, rushing to the sink with the toothbrush.

Lisa giggled, gargling with the mouthwash before putting it aside.

At that moment, there was a loud banging at their door, and they heard it open. Sam's voice could be heard yelling, "Dean?!!!"

Bobby's voice was right behind him, "I know I heard him scream. Where's Lisa?"

Mello and Watari's voices echoed the need to search the trailer.

She padded out to the living room. "Seriously guys..did you have to try to break the door down?"

Dean walked up behind her. "It's okay, guys. There's nothing wrong with me"

Mello looked confused, but Dean could read different expressions on Watari, Sam, and Bobby's faces.

"What happened? We could hear you over the video games," the blond asked.

"What happened? My dad lied to me. I'm okay. There's nothing wrong with me."

He frowned at him. "We've been trying to tell you that," the genius pointed out.

"No, this had to do with something a lot more personal than that, Mello. It went way back and also involved stuff that happened recently. I now know it wasn't my fault. Dad said it was."

Watari's voice was gentle. "I know what you mean, Mello, but sometimes it takes additional influence to get the information absorbed."

"But Mello only knew a small part of it, didn't he?" Dean looked at the teen. "Did you see the video?"

He shook his head. "I had a feeling it was traumatic though. Either way, when people tell you the truth, you should try to listen," he said with a poke to Dean's arm.

"It's not that I didn't try, Mello, cause I did. Too many years of being told what I was and what I did and caused...well, when it comes from your dad, you believe it."

"I wouldn't know but guess I can understand. We'll leave you alone now," he grinned.

Supernatural Death Note Chapter 81

Authors: Lady Laran and Tisha Wyman Warnings: Bad language, violence, and some sex. Spoilers: My favorite show is Supernatural. Anyone who knows me will say I am almost obsessed, unless they happen to be Laran, who knows I am. Laran loves Death Note. We both love to write. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd be writing an alternate universe/crossover between the two. What started as a several chapter story has turned into a novel The story had a life of its own. This saga begins towards the end of season 4 and before L truly got involved with the Death Note. This is a story of healing, family,friendship, humor, and horror. We do not own either show or its characters, but I'd take Dean in a heartbeat. We make no money from them. Thank you for reading. Comments are highly appreciated.

Dean and Lisa Talk.

Dean had had a good time, but it had tired him. Things like this made him realize how weak his body still was, but he had survived for quite a while, just himself against all the rest. He was satisfied that things were getting better. It really did take time though. He soaked in a tub filled with sandalwood scented bath salts. He started to doze off, and had to shake himself awake. He finally let the water out, dried off, walked over to the bed, and climbed in...not even thinking about boxers.

Lisa came to check on him, cuddling with him after putting boxers on him in case Ben came in to cuddle. She wasn't sure if he realized she'd come in. She recognized his need to sleep so much as exhaustion. Watari had mentioned to her that it would take the hunter a while to get his strength back, but she knew he'd had fun. She also knew she was glad she wasn't one of the bad guys.

The woman curled with him, rubbing his back gently. Dean moaned softly as she rubbed his back. She remembered that he'd injured it the day before. She checked it. The bruises were bad but his actions that day proved he could handle the pain from it and that it was not seriously debilitating to him.

She found some deep heating rub and began working on the injured areas again, wanting to help him relax and get out of pain quickly. Dean moaned softly, and whispered, “Don't stop, please.”

"I'm not going to," she murmured. "Just relax." He felt her start to massage his butt where he had taken the brunt of the fall. He stiffened for a moment. “I'm not wearing anything, Lisa.”

"Yes you are," she laughed softly. Even in his exhaustion, Dean was a flirter. A slight smirk quirked one lip. “It's been ten years. I still look good to you?”

"Very sexy and handsome, Dean. I'm a very lucky lady," Lisa smiled.

“I'm the lucky one, Lisa. You are so beautiful and incredibly hot, and I can talk to you about anything. I've never had that with a woman who actually loved me and wanted me to stay. That's important to me.”

Her smile grew brighter even as her hands continued to work out the knots in his back.

“You've got magic hands, hon.”

Dean noticed that is was dark. “I've been sleeping for a while? What time is it?”

"After nine," she said with a smile.

“Damn. I guess I over did it today.” He got that lazy smile that sent such a thrill through her. “It was fun, though. I liked straddling you, soaking you down, and kissing you like that. Hated having to run off though.”

She laughed, still working on his back. "I think someone likes the idea of getting me all wet."

The smile returned, and the lazy whisper responded, “Yeah, but your head was the wrong place I'd like to see wet.”

A light tap was given against the back of his head. "Pervert," Lisa teased.

The hazel eyes looked serious for a moment as he looked into her eyes, trying to read her. “Would you rather I wasn't? I can be if you prefer it. It might be hard around you, and that's no pun intended, but I can be that if you need it from me.”

"You need to be yourself, Dean. You can't change simply because you think this is what I want."

“I want you to be comfortable around me. Damn, it's been ten years since we were even in the same bed together. I joke a lot, when I'm playing around, but I joke also when I'm afraid. I'm not gonna push you, but I will joke. If the joking is offensive, I won't do it. I just need to know what won't push you away. I like having you here with me.”

"And I like being with you, Dean." She ruffled his hair. "Just give it time."

“Lisa, I'm not asking for it. I do want it. You're beautiful and I love you, but I can wait. Sometimes, you turn me on even when you're not trying. I joke because it's a way of release of pent up emotions and needs. I just need to know if the jokes bother you.”

"And I'll tell you if something bugs me. I promise," she said seriously.

“Then, it was teasing when you called me a pervert? I hate to tell you this, but I am one.”

Lisa giggled. "I hate to tell you this...but I knew that."

Dean smiled again, “How long have you known that?”

She gave another giggle. "Since I've known you."

“Is that why I got to stay the whole weekend? You were the most incredible woman I'd ever been with. I never forgot you. When I met you again, I fell in love with you. “

Her fingers ruffled his hair. "Despite being a pervert, you're a gentle person who cares so much for the people around you."

He pulled her head down toward him, his lips gently caressing hers. He leaned his forehead against hers and sighed. “I love you, Lisa.”

"I love you too, Dean," she said, kissing him back.

“You may think is is crazy, but I have a question about Ben's birthday party last year.”

"What's that?"

“The women who were there...your friends? They acted like they knew me. I swear one of them said that's Dean. Someone said who? They said Dean. Someone else said the Dean? What have you told them? They were looking me up and down like guys do a really hot girl. They started whispering, giggling, and watching me closely.”

She blushed. "Yeah..they were good friends of mine and I did talk about you."

“Damn, you would think they thought I was a stud or was a sex......toy? Lisa? What did you tell them?”

"That you were a kind and giving lover..most of them had experiences that weren't as wonderful as mine. I did tell them that it was incredible. You were, Dean."

“I'm glad that's all, because we had the wildest weekend I'd ever experienced in my life. Nothing has ever compared to it. My entire life was waiting for that time with you and remembering afterward. I've had one nighters, Lisa, after you, but only to hide the pain I go through. To forget things. I didn't think I could ever have this. I wanted you to know that you've been the only one I have ever loved this deeply.”

She smiled, pressing a kiss to his lips before resuming work on his back. "Well, you do now."

“Promise me that if you ever want to know things about me, you'll just ask? I've told Ryuuzaki I wouldn't lie or keep things from those I love ever again. If you feel you can't ask, then go to Sam or Bobby. They both know pretty much everything there is know about me. I'd still rather you feel you can come to me. Okay?”

"As long as you do the same..either about me or Ben or if you simply need someone to talk to.”

“I will. Wanna play twenty questions about each other?” Dean thought that he must have lost mind doing that, but he wanted everything open between them. Let things come as they come.

"All right, if you feel comfortable with that."

“Lisa, I'd rather hide it all, but I can't do that to us. I've had nightmares in my life, and you have the right know those things. There may be discomfort for both of us. I hope not, but you're marrying me. It's your right to know.”

She smiled sweetly. "That sounds good. You want to start?"

“When did you decide you were in love with me?”

"By Saturday afternoon," she said with a grin. "You surprised me with that wonderful lunch, remember?"

“Yeah, I grilled steaks, made baked potatoes, and sauteed asparagus from a recipe you had in a cookbook. I remember sitting on the floor in your studio, both of us barely dressed, drinking wine and eating that meal.”

"You showed that you cared, had such a romantic streak in you.”

“Yeah, but I was always so stupid, pure testosterone all the time. I never thought of that as romantic. Never thought I was. It just seemed the right thing to do. I always hid behind the macho, to keep from getting hurt, and I have been, but it was after you. She ended up doing it to me twice.”

I saw her again after she hurt me the first time. The spark was still there, but she told me she wanted no part of me, that I'd get her killed. When I saw you again, I chased you away, because I was afraid Cassie was right, but I'd fallen in love with you. When you told me Ben wasn't mine, it hurt. I wanted him. I wanted something from us."

"Cassie was afraid, Dean. I think she's afraid of commitment, of what it would mean to be with someone as strong as you are. Some women are intimidated by strength like yours."

“I think that sex with her was more of a control issue. With you, it was passionate, wild, and we both shared in it. I loved that.I'll tell you a secret. That day I came back, I wanted to have that again. Something bad was about to happen, and I wanted that one good memory. It was better that we didn't get to. There was Ben. Without it, I learned you, and I loved you.”

"I'm glad. I wanted you to see him but had no means of contacting you at all," she murmured, hands massaging his back still.

“I wasn't ready for that until then. I wish I had been though. There were too many family problems. My whole life has been family problems. I'm so glad to finally have you and Ben.”

“You're turn.”

Lisa was thinking for a moment. "Have you given thought as to having more children in the future?"

“Oh yeah. I'd have as many as you will let me have. I've missed everything about raising Ben. I never got feed him, change a diaper, take him for a walk in a stroller, get his first hair cut, walking the floor with him when he's not feeling well and won't stop crying, cutting his first tooth, losing his first tooth, and I never got to hand out cigars and tell everyone at the hospital that he was mine. I never saw his first steps, or took off work to see his first day at school. I've never met his teachers, or helped with little league. Yeah, I want kids.”

She smiled at that, feeling happy. "Then we'll get that chance." Dean nodded and smiled at her.

“My question?”

"Yup," Lisa said.

“This is a hard one. When you found out you were pregnant, what did you feel?”

"Happy," she said with a smile. "I loved the idea of bringing new life into the world. I was a bit scared too."

“Were you angry at me at all for leaving you in that fix? Ben had no father. You were in it all alone.”

"No, I wasn't angry. It's not as if we knew it would happen. I had a feeling that if you did know, you'd be there."

“Yeah, it might have been difficult, but I'd have been there.”

"I know. My question?"

“Yeah, it is.”

"Your dream..the designing of cars..how long have you wanted this?"

“I saw a guy driving one of those small hybrid things I think. I knew he could afford to drive it just fine, but then he looked at my baby. There was such a look of envy on his face. I realized that big cars are a status symbol for men, and some women. I couldn't understand why a car and an engine couldn't be designed that would be fuel efficient. I knew it could be done. That was my dream. Not real long ago. I've changed, you know?”

"You have, and I admire the ideas you have. A lot of people drive tiny cars, which can't be safe, and it's sad because the bigger ones do look nicer."

“I wouldn't trade my baby for the world. Everyone should be able to own something like her...big, beautiful, but inexpensive. I've studied some about bio-fuels. They are experimenting with one right now that would be perfect if it works.”

"Did you say Bobby owned and ran a junkyard?"

“Yeah, in South Dakota, but I'm not moving up there. I've got a place....well, I will. Sam and I. It's in west Texas. Dean named the town where they would be near...the town Lisa had lived in. Dean knewthis. “I was working a murder case there. There was this cabin up in mountains. Ryuuzaki said L bought with me in mind. Sam and I plan on major addons for all of us to have the place.”

"Well, you could look at the cars there and get ideas from styles that you knew were popular when introduced and are very classy," she suggested.

“Yeah, but I have to think of aerodynamics too. I will get up there and look around.”

She smiled. "I think you can come up with a lot. Ben has a lot of interest in mechanics and sciences, so you'll have a helper."

Dean's eyes lit up at the piece of information about his son. He looked excited. “That's fantastic. I'll help him learn whatever he wants to learn.”

“My question.”

"Go for it."

“What's your best memory and your worst memory in your life?”

"Best memory is when Ben was born. I think the worst was getting stalked like that and no idea how to find you. I hated having to pull him away from his friends." She looked a little scared.

“I tried to keep an eye on you but it was hard sometimes. I didn't know about the stalker, but I knew knew you'd moved. I hunted everywhere for you. Your family cussed me out...said it was my fault you'd disappeared. I didn't know they knew about me. I was scared about you. I finally told Ryuuzaki and he told me where you were.”

"He works for the top detective in the world, I'm told."

“He wouldn't let me contact you or get you. It was killing me inside. I didn't know what name you were using and I was scared you were still being stalked. I'd never felt so helpless in my life.”

"I wonder why."

“He's not very emotional...never been in love. Doesn't understand it. Thought you'd be in the way of me finishing this hunt for Lilith. Her death is the beginning of my life.”

"Well, in a way, I can understand his concerns. We can be a distraction at times."

“No, hon. You're my reason for winning this...a life with you.”

She patted his back. "Thanks, baby."

“You're welcome, hon. Your question?”

"Hmmm....let's see. The silliest thing you've ever done."

“In my right mind?”

"You mean there were things done not in your right mind?"

“Ummm....yeeaah.”

'How about both."

“Silly as in funny...or just plain the dumbest thing I've ever done?”

She giggled. "How about both on that?"

“Lisa, some of this might be funny and light hearted, but some of it won't be. Okay?”

"Okay, sweetie."

“The silliest thing I did in my right mind was agree to have a murder confession recorded. I told them what I liked to do on a date, my sign, all kinds of crap. The silliest thing I did not in my right mind was scream bloody murder in terror at a cat in a locker. I had ghost fever. It makes you afraid of everything.”

She gave a soft laugh. "What is it with you and cats?"

“I don't know, but I won't own one. The dumbest things. I'd rather do one at a time because you're gonna be asking all kinds of things after you freak out.”

"Okay," she giggled. "You know, Ben's been asking for a pet."

“Dogs. Lots of dogs. We'll rescue them from a shelter.”

Dean was quiet for a minute and seemed to shake a little. Lisa grew still, realizing he was no longer joking with her.

“Lisa, you won't be laughing or giggling at these, and I'm sorry. You wanted dumb. These two messed me up big time. Afterwards, I'll give you one more silly thing. Okay?”

She rubbed his hair, trying to calm him down.

“I'll call this one the dumb thing when I was in my right mind. I sold my soul to raise Sam from the dead. I ended up in hell.”

Lisa froze at that, simply listening.

“You don't want to yell at me? Everyone else has, except Watari and Ryuuzaki.”

"Did you feel it was the right thing to do at the time, even if you look back on it and regret it now?"

“Yeah, I couldn't live without him. The demon who brought this on asked me if I was sure if what I brought back was all Sam. Sometimes, I'm not sure, but I hope so. One month in hell is ten years, Lisa. It was my worst nightmare. They broke me, and I came down off the rack and I did the same thing they did and I liked it. Getting to give back what I'd been suffering. It felt good. Ryuuzaki said I'm human. He said I wasn't like the rest of them. I did not lose my humanity. Damn. I'm sorry, Lisa. I'm not that strong a guy.”

She gently tapped the back of his head. "Love, you're human. Humans break. You are the strongest person I know."

“You really believe that? You don't think worse of me?”

"No, love, I don't think the worst of you."

“Thank you. Lisa, the other one...I only talked about it once. The other two times, Bobby and Sam saw it on a video. You're the only other person I will tell this to face to face. It's hard. Okay?”

"You know I'm here to listen. If it's too hard, Dean, we can talk about it when you're ready."

“No, you're gonna be my wife....closer to me then Sam and Bobby. Ryuuzaki said family needs to know and understand. Okay? I think I went absolutely crazy from fear and panic. I didn't know what to do. My only thought was do what they asked and protect Sammy and not let anybody know.”

Lisa shifted their position so his head was in her lap, fingers carding through his hair to comfort him.

“I was fifteen, I think. It's such a mess in my mind. Dad was supposed to leave for a few weeks but he stayed gone a long time. I was told we were to stay put. We were facing eviction. There was no food. Sam needed things for school, and with winter coming, he needed warmer clothes. I went to a pool hall and played for four hours and I earned fifteen hundred dollars. That would keep us til Dad got back. I didn't think I needed to call Bobby or Pastor Jim. I could do this.”

She listened, keeping the touch comforting and soothing.

“It was dark and I walking as fast as I could because it was a bad neighborhood. Dad never really put us in good ones very often. He said he couldn't afford to do that. Someone grabbed me from behind. I reached for a knife but he had my other arm behind me and almost broke it. He yelled for help and there were others. I recognized a voice. It was the guys I played pool with. I offered the money back, but they told me I had to earn it. I told them I'd beat them in a fair game. They pushed me to my knees. They made me give all of them....I took them in my mouth. It was a form of rape, but all I could think of was Sam. Getting home to him and keeping that money.”

"Oh baby," she murmured softly.

“They told me they were there this same night every week, and I was to come back and play pool and they'd let me win. I was take care of them in the restroom afterward. They threatened Sam, so I did it week after f'ing week. Dad didn't come and take us away. I wanted to call Bobby or Pastor Jim, but I'd have to tell them what I was doing to earn the money. I used the money, Lisa. I couldn't tell them I was whoring.

"Dean, this wasn't your fault, you know that right?"

“I know. Everyone has told me that, and I'm working on it. I wanted Dad to come and save me from the nightmare. Finally, he showed up after I had gone to the pool hall. He showed up looking for me and he was pissed that I'd left Sam alone. Sam told him I'd been earning the money some how. He told him I'd come home crying each night I disappeared. Dad thought the worse and he was right.”

"He was so wrong to leave you in that position and got angry for the wrong reason, love."

“I know, hon. That night they were tired of losing to me and they thought I owed them more. They dragged me upstairs, and they …..they hurt me real bad. Dad showed up, and I was so glad to see him. I thought he'd kill every single one of them for hurting me. He opened the door and they were already through. I was bleeding pretty bad and they'd beat me too. I was on the bed and it was covered with …..it was covered. They were throwing a hundred dollars each on the bed because I'd never done it before and that seemed special to them. Dad called me a whore, he grabbed my clothes and stuff, and he walked away and left me there.”

She growled. "That asshole."

“It was cold that night, and I walked barefoot in a blanket back to the motel. I picked the lock with a hairpin I found on the ground. There was no food, no money, no Dad, and no Sam. They'd gone and taken everything with them. I had no clothes or anything. I crawled onto my bed, covered myself in the blanket, and I waited....for a week. I thought about killing myself, but there was Sammy and I took care of him. I couldn't leave him to Dad.”

Her eyes were full of anger and tears.

“Dad came back without Sam. He called me a lot of bad names, He took his belt off and he beat me real bad. Some of my bruises were almost gone, but he gave me a lot more. He got a brush and dish soap, he used it to clean my mouth and my …..the rest of me. I bled worse then when they took me. He threw some tennis shoes and clothes at me and said come on. He didn't feed me. We drove for three days to Bobby's. He thought I'd been hurt in a hunt. I couldn't tell him. I thought he'd think the same thing as Dad. He started training Sam and told me to have his back because it was my fault he was hunting.”

"I can't believe he would do something like this," she told him. "if he wasn't gone, I'd beat the hell out of him."

“He had me by the balls, Lisa. I couldn't quit or he'd tell Sam, Bobby, and Pastor Jim. I had no one I could tell the truth to. My mind was so messed up during that. I should have called Bobby or Pastor Jim, but I was fifteen, and I was scared. I think that's why I sold my soul to save Sam. It screwed me royal, but it was important to me that I do something right. That I not fail. It meant something to me. If Sam died, then I'd failed and what I went through was for nothing.”

"Dean, look at me."

The hazel eyes looking into angry brown ones.

"You did nothing wrong outside of not telling Bobby or Pastor Jim. You did what you had to do to protect your brother.Your father should not have laid that burden on your shoulders, you were too young for that. All of this was his responsibility." She caressed his face.

“Lisa, I've had that burden since I was four years old. I know all that you are saying is true. I honestly do because everyone has told me that. I believe it in my mind. I'm trying to reach my heart with it. I have a mantra I say all the time. I'm not a whore, It's not my fault, and I am worthy. I figure that one of these days, it'll make sense and I'll really believe it. I just wanted you to know that I've told you more then the others know. I could talk easier to you.”

"You're not a whore and you are very worthy," she said, eyes gentle.

“It means more coming from you. Thank you. Dean turned on his side and wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her tightly. “I love you, Lisa. Thank you for loving me.”

"I love you too, Dean."

“I know and I am eternally grateful. You'll never know how much because I don't know how to tell you, but you have all of me, heart and soul.”

She caressed his face. "And I will treasure it very much, Dean."

The hunter turned back over and an awe filled face stared up at her. “No one's ever told me that before. I've always hidden things inside. Ryuuzaki and Watari have dug a lot of them out of me. It's been hard, but it's been worth it just to hear those words. Thank you.”

"Welcome sweetie," she leaned down and kissed him. His lips met hers, his tongue barely touching her lips in a gentle caress. He pulled her bottom lip into his mouth and nipped it softly, barely sucking it. She could feel his breath on her face as he his mouth worshiped hers. She realized that Dean had learned a lot of things in the years they'd been apart. She trembled slightly, wondering what else he'd learned.

When the kiss ended, she stroked his face with a soft smile.

“I think I've had enough of twenty questions for one night. But I promised one more silly. I can't hold a tune at all. Sammy is worse. We were looking for an evil Santa. We thought we'd found him and followed him to his trailer. We heard noises that didn't sound good so we broke through his front door. He was drunk and watching something on TV. He stared at us and we started singing Silent Night, badly off key and he started laughing and singing it with us. The things we have to do.”

She giggled at that. "Ben is that way too."

Lisa saw the smile go back to Dean's eyes. “Let's get some sleep. I hope he's over all the nausea and sugar rush before he joins us.” He grabbed her and pulled her down next to him.

She laughed and cuddled into him. "I'm hoping he'll torment the others."

“Well, you know what they say, hon...one man's kid is another man's poison.” Dean cuddle her closed and started to drift back off to sleep.

Another laugh came from her before she drifted to sleep as well