Lisa Learns About Dean and Ruby.
Dean and Sam watched the sky slowly grow dark, as the sun set. Sam knew it was late and that Dean was tired but not giving in. He figured his brother would drop soon. He watched this happen often during his healing from the shoulder injuries. He had something on his mind he wanted to ask him and thought now was as good a time as any, since they were pretty much alone.
"Dean? I know you plan to marry Lisa. I watched you ask her. Does she know about your past? The other women? The pool hall? Ruby?"
Dean stared at him like he'd never seen him before.
"Dean, think about it. These are things that affect your relationship with women. She needs to know."
Dean kept staring. "She knows there's been other women, and why. She knows about the pool hall, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna tell her about Ruby. You tell Sarah about Madison and Ruby, Sam?"
His voice was soft. "I have actually."
"Yeah? How'd she handle you wanting it with them?"
"She understood Madison but smacked the hell out of me for being stupid on Ruby," he admitted.
"Tell me this. I told her about those men and how Dad treated me. It was hard to tell a woman you want to respect you and believe you are strong enough to protect her and your son. How do you tell her that you got raped by a demon? That's twice, Sammy. I can't protect myself from it. How do I protect her?"
"By trusting the rest of your family to help," he pointed out to him.
"So, you're saying I need to tell her? Does Sarah know that happened to me? Either time?"
"I haven't told her because you've not said I could or not. I respect your privacy, Dean."
"Do you think she needs to know these things, Sam?"
"I don't know..unless you're alone with her and have a reaction of some kind?"
"Why would I need to be alone with Sarah?" Dean grew quiet for a moment, and than, spoke softly, "I guess you're right, I do need to tell Lisa. Hell! This is just not fair, Sam. I didn't ask for this."
"No you didn't, Dean, but as much as we'd love to change it, it did happen. Now all we can do is help you through it."
"If you think Sarah needs to know, you tell her and you let me know. I don't want something popping off without me knowing first. Okay? I guess I need to go get Lisa. I'm tired and I'm not gonna be able to sleep with this up in the air. I don't guess you guys could kinda ask Ben to spend the night?"
"Not a problem or I could see if Matt can arrange a gaming night for them."
"If Lisa would allow it, that would be great. Let me know what is decided before I go get her."
"I'll go ask Matt," he said and then went to find the teenager.
Dean felt almost as sick and nervous as he did when he faced Sam, only this time he had no audio. He was starting to tremble, and damn it, he needed to be in control. He had had a hard time talking about those men at the pool hall but he'd been a teen at the time. This was different...so different.
Sam came back and nodded. Matt would entertain Ben tonight.
"That's an all nighter, Sam. Did Lisa say okay?"
"She did; Ben's collecting his stuff now. and will be here to put it up and get what he needs for this evening."
"I'm getting light headed and I think I'm about to throw up." Dean got to his feet much too quickly. He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes for a minute. "Oh, god, out of the way, Sammy." He rushed to the bathroom and fell to his knees, losing his entire meal. The whole room was swimming. He knew it was fear and stress, but he didn't know what to do about it."
Lisa went into the house, hearing Dean be sick and hurried. She packed a few items for Ben, giving it to Sam, and then went to check on her fiance. Dean was leaning against the bathroom wall behind the door, his knees drawn up, head laying on them. His face was very white, where she could see each freckle had. He was sweating badly.
She wet a washcloth and wiped his face with it. "Dean, what's wrong?"
He looked up at her and she could see the haunted look in his eyes. "Sammy asked me if I'd told you things about me. Seems there's one I didn't, Lis. I didn't want you to know. I'm sorry. He says you need to know."
"Love, if you're not ready, then don't traumatize yourself."
"Lis, I don't have a choice, hon. I'll never be ready. It's do or die right now. Everyone knows except you, Sarah, and Ben. There's a possibility that Sara will know if Sam thinks she needs to."
She ran fingers through his hair. "Then talk to me."
"I told you about the other women in my life. I told you what happened at the pool hall and how my dad behaved. There was one other time I didn't tell you about. There's an audio on a computer somewhere that was used when I told Sam. Bobby, I guess, knew because someone told him while I was hurting. There was an injury that was healed by Cas when he was injured badly. I didn't get the full healing like this time. Right after that I got shot. This deals with Ruby. We were hunting some really vicious creatures, Lis. They had body fluids of some kind of acid. They were eating people and their queen was fixing to mate, but she used a human. I was prepared for it, but they drugged me with some black stuff. I had to do it, so I could cut her head off. Ryu and Mello were there ready to take out the rest. They took me to a foul smelling room and manacled me to a ring on the floor. Ruby showed up, Lis. She used a whip and beat me. Then...then..sh...she started taking her clothes off. The stuff they gave me deadens pain, and makes you do whatever they want. She wanted to compare me to Sam. So after, Ruby, I had to do it again with the queen who I was planning on doing it with. I killed her and blood went everywhere. I got badly burned. That healed, Lis, but Ruby hasn't."
Her gaze was sympathetic and sorrowful as she listened to the story. "Oh Dean," she murmured softly.
"I'm working on the healing, Lis, but it's hard. Once, well, you learn to deal once you get help, but twice. Hell, I don't understand what's wrong with me that would cause this. It scares me, Lis."
"Listen to me, there's nothing that's wrong with you. Understand? Things happen..it's unfortunate and very sad but until the nature of people change, crimes and acts like this will remain."
"I understand that better then most, Lis, but I'm a man. Hell, it shouldn't have happened once. It happened twice. Damn it! How can I protect anyone if I can't protect myself? Sam said that I have family to help. That sounds like he thinks I can't either."
"Dean Winchester, enough. Rape doesn't see gender. It doesn't see class, color or anything else. There's no rhyme or reason to it. The strongest of people can be taken by it...some more than once. Are they weak? No, they're strong because they survive it." She stared at him. "Sam was telling you that family will help protect you and us because that's what family does. He didn't mean that you can't do it. If he thought that, he'd have told you."
"Then what my dad kept telling me isn't true. I'm not some kind of magnet. It just happens. God, please let that be true."
"Your father was an asshole of the highest degree and if he were alive right now, I'd shoot him," she told her love with a ferocious tone.
Dean's eyes widened in surprise. "You would? Because of me? He said I was too pretty and I looked too much like my mom. He said a guy who looked like me was going to have things happen all the time. He said I ask for if I even return a stare."
She growled. "Shooting's too good for him... burning him at the stake makes more sense."
Dean sighed, "It's not true? It's not my fault this happened. I'm not a whore. I'm not drawing them out to come after me? I'm okay, then?"
"You are more than okay. You're not weak, especially with the strength of your family behind you. Love makes us all strong."
Dean nodded, and struggled to get up off the bathroom floor. He leaned against the wall for a moment, finally grabbing Lisa and pulling her into his arms. He laid his head on her shoulder and cried from relief.
She held him close, rocking slightly and humming. He held her tight against him, and sobbed, "I'm gonna be okay. There's nothing wrong with me." She could hear the relief in his voice and knew he would be.
Lisa continued to hold him, knowing he'd been told this before but tonight was the first time he'd actually heard and believed it. Dean held her out in front of him so he could look into her eyes. He raised his face to the ceiling and the sky and world beyond it and shouted at the top of lungs, "There's nothing wrong with me!" He grinned with tears going down his face and kissed her deeply.
She laughed, then handed him a toothbrush. He looked at the brush, and realization dawned on him.
"Oh my gosh, Lis! I'm sorry!." He grabbed a bottle of mouthwash and gave it to her, rushing to the sink with the toothbrush.
Lisa giggled, gargling with the mouthwash before putting it aside.
At that moment, there was a loud banging at their door, and they heard it open. Sam's voice could be heard yelling, "Dean?!!!"
Bobby's voice was right behind him, "I know I heard him scream. Where's Lisa?"
Mello and Watari's voices echoed the need to search the trailer.
She padded out to the living room. "Seriously guys..did you have to try to break the door down?"
Dean walked up behind her. "It's okay, guys. There's nothing wrong with me"
Mello looked confused, but Dean could read different expressions on Watari, Sam, and Bobby's faces.
"What happened? We could hear you over the video games," the blond asked.
"What happened? My dad lied to me. I'm okay. There's nothing wrong with me."
He frowned at him. "We've been trying to tell you that," the genius pointed out.
"No, this had to do with something a lot more personal than that, Mello. It went way back and also involved stuff that happened recently. I now know it wasn't my fault. Dad said it was."
Watari's voice was gentle. "I know what you mean, Mello, but sometimes it takes additional influence to get the information absorbed."
"But Mello only knew a small part of it, didn't he?" Dean looked at the teen. "Did you see the video?"
He shook his head. "I had a feeling it was traumatic though. Either way, when people tell you the truth, you should try to listen," he said with a poke to Dean's arm.
"It's not that I didn't try, Mello, cause I did. Too many years of being told what I was and what I did and caused...well, when it comes from your dad, you believe it."
"I wouldn't know but guess I can understand. We'll leave you alone now," he grinned.
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