Sunday, December 19, 2010
Supernatural Death Note Chapter 102
Lady Laran and Tisha Wyman Warnings: Bad language, violence, and some sex. Spoilers: My favorite show is Supernatural. Anyone who knows me will say I am almost obsessed, unless they happen to be Laran, who knows I am. Laran loves Death Note. We both love to write. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think we'd be writing an alternate universe/crossover between the two. What started as a several chapter story has turned into a novel. The story had a life of its own. This saga begins towards the end of season 4 and before L truly got involved with the Death Note. This is a story of healing, family,friendship, humor, and horror. We do not own either show or its characters, but I'd take Dean in a heartbeat. We make no money from them. Thank you for reading. Comments are highly appreciated.
What Hasn't Been Truly Dealt With...Ben
“We’re leaving early in the morning. There’s no homework for the next few days. I got hotel rooms for two nights....three of them. I have something I got to do after we get there, but the rest of the day is for shopping for the cabin. I do want to ask if someone would keep an eye on Ben Saturday evening. I have to get a reservation for Lisa and me at a restaurant. Saturday is for more shopping or site seeing. It’s your day. We can either stay another night and go home Sunday morning, or go home Saturday night. Ryuzaki, Watari, and the boys are coming Sunday afternoon, and will be staying til after New Year’s. I have one thing I need to do, and Ben, I want your okay. I promised Near a dinner and at a really quiet steak house...him and me. He doesn’t go out to eat. There’s a nice one in town. You and I have gone all kinds of places together. Near is like a son to me too. Not like you, Ben. You’re the real thing, but Near doesn’t have that and never will except with me. Can you share once in a while?”
Ben looked a little put out. He loved his dad and hated sharing him, especially since he hadn't had Dean in his life for very long. "Whatever," he grumbled, stalking out of the room.
Dean sat there, watching his son stalk out of the room. He bowed his head for a moment, than got and started to follow the boy.
He stalked outside, settling onto a swing and began glaring at the surrounding area.
A few moments later, Dean walked up and stood in front of his son. “Can I sit down?”
Ben just shrugged, kicking at the dirt.
Instead of sitting beside the boy, Dean dropped onto the dirt in front of him.
“This is hard for me, Ben, so can you please look at me.”
He looked up at him for a moment, waiting to see what Dean had to say
“Ben, my mama died when I was four years old. My dad put your Uncle Sammy into my arms and told me to take of him. I guess in some crazy ways, I might still be doing that some, but Ryuzaki and Watari helped both of us learn that it wasn’t good to be that way all the time. We still watch out for each other. That’s what your Uncle Sammy and Grandpa Bobby were doing tonight. That’s what family is all about. Do you understand that?”
"He's not family," he told him. "He's some kid you like, that's it, and he's all smart and stuff. That's fine..he needs to find his own dad and not mine."
“Ben...son....I met your mama about ten years ago. I was a hunter. I was pretty young then. So was she. I never forgot her. Something very bad was going to happen to me last year. She was the one on my mind. I didn’t know I loved her then. I do now. I saw you for the first time that day. Hell, Ben, you were just like me. You had to be mine, but I couldn’t stay. This bad thing would have destroyed both of you. I didn’t tell her I wanted to stay and that I wanted to be your dad. She told me you weren’t mine. When things got better,again, I kept an eye on you guys. You disappeared and I panicked but had no way of finding you. I hunted. Every extra penny I had went into hiring detectives to try to find you. When I found you, I had met Near. He’s a just a nice kid, Ben. a lonely one who doesn’t realize he’s lonely. He had no friends. Hell, I didn’t either. We became friends. I thought of him like he was my own, but not like I think of you. Near will take over L’s job one day and be the big boss. He won’t be my son or your brother. He’s just someone who means something to me. That’s rare for me, Ben.”
"You said he was like a son to you," he spat out accusingly. "He can't have you. I'm not sharing you with another kid. It's not fair."
“Ben, a few months ago, after we moved here, I felt that way about you.”
"I don't care. You're my dad, not his." He didn't want to share after dreaming for nine years of having a dad.
“Ben, I asked your mama to share you with me. You think I want to share you with anyone? Your grandpa Braeden held you when you made your first steps. I saw your Christmases and birthdays through picture albums. I never held you or fed you. I didn’t change a diaper. I never got to teach you how to play sports. I missed all of that. Do you understand? You aren’t the only one who missed out, Ben. You are my son. Mine. I won’t share you with another father. But, Ben, being the son means sharing sometimes. I watched my Dad hold and kiss Sammy. He stopped doing that to me when Mama died. I lost my dad that day, Ben. You said you won’t share. What are you gonna do if your mama gets pregnant? We want more kids one day, Ben.”
“Near has no family. All of his family is dead. I care about him. I think of him like I would a son, but not like I think of you. Near has his life planned out for him. I just want to be there for him, to give him someone who cares. It will never be like what we have, Son. You are mine. That day I was on the floor in that trailer and touched pictures of you at every age, tears flowing down my face, knowing I’d lost those years and couldn’t get them back, bound you to me in ways you may never understand. I get to be your dad. That means more to me than life itself. Near, now, will only be around once in a while. I want to do this for him. I promised it to him before I knew you were mine. I care about Near a lot, but I love you more than life itself. You are my son.”
"It'll be years before Mama has a baby," he told him. "And I'll be ready to share by then but not now. I went nine years without you. It's not fair I have to share when I'm not ready."
“Ben, you are not sharing me, you are loaning me to a lonely teenager who can’t even understand love. Near has saved my life several times. I saved his. It’s a special kind of bond. What you and I have is eternal. I don’t want your mama to wait for years to have a baby, Ben. I want a bigger family. I’ve never had a family, Ben. My dad didn’t want me because I look like my mama. Your uncle Sammy ran away all the time. Until recently, we have never been a real family. Now, Uncle Sammy and Aunt Sarah are family. Grandpa Bobby is the dad I never had. What makes it real to me is your mama and you. I care about Near, but YOU I LOVE. That never changes. I am not asking you to be without me, Ben. I am not asking you to share me. I want to take Near out to eat because we talked about it many times before I knew you were mine. Can you understand that? Near is not and never will be mine. He’s just someone I care about. Yeah, I kind of think of him like a son, but not in any way like I think of you. I care about him? Yeah. What I feel for you is nothing like that
You come from me. You’re my flesh and blood. You’re mine and always will be. I will never let that change, Ben. Nine years? Yeah, but they were nine years for me too. You weren’t alone in that Can you understand that. We were missing each other. I was missing having you in my life. You were missing having me. It was both ways.
Like most kids his age, Ben was rather stubborn. "You said he was like a son to you..which means I have to share. Dad..why? Why can't he stay wherever he comes from?"
“He comes from an orphanage, son. He has no family. He's been picked on and ridiculed most of his life. I'm the first person he has opened up to and become friends with. He does not think of me as a dad. I feel like a dad to him because he has no one. Ben, he won’t be around all the time. L is training him to be the next L. Matt and Mello will work with him because he has no emotions to release because of his disorder. He does seem to care about me. I am glad, Ben. He’s never done so before, as far as I know. You’re not sharing me. I talk with him at times. I enjoy talking with him and helping him. Ben, I talk with you, read with you, play games with you, hold you in my arms and think about all I’ve missed with you. You missed a dad, Ben, but you had so many people who loved you. I had no one, Ben. Near didn’t either and we kind of got drawn to each other. Near doesn’t like crowds so he tends to stay alone. Sometimes I put together puzzles with him. I do everything with you. I love you. You aren’t sharing me. Please understand that. I’m your dad.”
Little arms crossed over his chest, looking like Dean when he was being mutinous over something.
Dean stood up so Ben had to look up at him. “I’ll pack your things, Ben. You and I can leave in the morning. You can say goodbye to your mom then.”
“You think you’re the only one who doesn’t want to share, Ben? Your mama has had you for nine years. Why should I have to share you?”
“Why is it different?”
"Because Moms and Dads have to share kids," he pointed out in little boy wisdom. "But kids don't have to share with strange kids who aren't family."
“Ben, family is people you care about. They don’t have to be blood. Grandpa Bobby is not blood. Aunt Sarah is not blood. For me Ryuzaki, Watari, Mello, Matt, and Near are not blood, but I care about them. That makes them family to me. There are a lot of moms and dads in this world who don’t get to share their kids. I was told last year that you weren’t mine. Your mom was right to say that because I could have caused you harm. Thing is it didn’t make you any less mine. Ben, you’re my son. Can’t you understand? No matter what Near may mean to me, it’s you I love, live with, take care of, do things with, and plan to have around for the rest of my life. I won’t have that with Near. I just care about him. That can never change what you and I have. One night, Ben, to keep a promise I made. He’s going to be here through the holidays.” I’m the one you crawl into bed with. I’m the one who gets up early on his days off and fixes breakfast with you.....you, Ben I’m the one who got you the dog. I’m the one who is going to teach you about cars, life, and women when you get old enough. I won’t be teaching or doing any of that with Near. It’s with you.”
He scuffed his shoes in the dirt. "I know..I hear you but I'm still afraid."
“What are you afraid of, son?”
"'Cause he's all smart and stuff. He'll take you away and I won't have a daddy again. I don't like him. Wish he would go away so you won't see how dumb I am compared to him."
“Ben? You sound like me. You have no idea how many people had to tell me I was smart. You are being home schooled because you are so far ahead of the kids around here. You’re like your Uncle Sammy. He got a full ride to Standford, Ben. You are the smartest kid I know. You aren’t genius but very few people are. It is really hard for geniuses. You are a normal kid with a lot of smarts. Dumb? Give me a break, Ben. I have trouble keeping with you. Why do you think your Uncle Sam took over the algebra? I don ‘t know many kids who are doing algebra at your age, son. Smart? Yeah, you’re smart.”
He scuffed the dirt again. "Not smart like him though." He really was scared of losing Dean.
“Only L is smarter than him, Ben. We don’t talk genius talk when we talk. I don’t talk genius stuff when you and I talk. We talk about things you are interested in. I enjoy that. You ask me questions and it makes me feel so good to be able to answer them. Tom Sawyer is a good example, son. I don’t want you to be smart like him, Ben. People who are smart like the boys have problems in the outside world. Their friendships pretty much remain within small groups. I love you as you are. Just you. I’m not going anywhere where I’m not coming back. You’re stuck with me.”
He looked at Dean, tears in his eyes. "Promise?"
Dean leaned down and picked his son up into his arms. “I promise but you got to promise the same thing to me.”
Ben held onto him tightly, not wanting to ever let go.
Dean squeezed him tight and headed towards the house with his son. “I still want an okay from you, but not tonight.” They walked into the house, the others were cleaning the kitchen and looked up as Dean carried his son to the boy’s room.
Ben didn't let him go, just hanging onto him.
Everyone waited in the living room but Dean did not return. Lisa and Sam walked to Ben’s room, but saw no light on. Sam carefully opened the door. They were asleep on Ben’s bed, neither undressed, shoes still on, dog laying across Dean’s legs. Dean was halfway on his back and Ben lay on top of him, his father’s arms around him.
Sam sighed softly at that. "I was worried there for a bit."
Remembering the badly exhausted father who had sat on the floor crying while she had shared his son with him, Lisa sighed. “I wasn’t. Dean will always do the right thing by both of those boys. Ben is his son though, no matter how much he cares for Near, he will talk a storm to this one. Dean will get to take Near out to the steak house, but he’ll plan something incredible for Ben and him. I know he will. I know Dean.”