Children
"Don't you mean, kid? I didn't think you were in any hurry for more kids? Now Sarah is. I heard her say something about waiting a little while but she was anxious for a baby. Sam will make a good dad."
"Well, there's Matt, Mello, and Near," she pointed out. "And eventually, there'll be babies to spoil and keep safe too."
"Yeah, you're right. I think Sarah and Sam won't wait long after they're married. She wants a little Sammy." Dean grinned. "Might be cute at that."
Lisa giggled. "Definitely."
"Sarah is a beautiful woman, and Sam's not a bad looking guy. They ought to have beautiful babies, Lis. Nephews and nieces, and cousins for Ben. Course, by the time they're old enough for him to play with, he'll be a teenager and not want to. I hope L lets the boys come visit often."
She nodded. "We'll have to wait and see on that."
"On them? Sure they will. Look at them?"
"I meant on whether or not L will let Ryuuzaki and the boys visit."
"I think he will. Ryuuzaki and the boys will use this as a base when they are here. Everyone needs a vacation at some time."
"Very true," she answered.
Dean looked at Lisa with a question in his eyes. He lowered his head, and looked back up. " I'd better get some rest, huh?"
"What is it, Dean? I can tell you want to ask something."
"Lis, would you...would you share Ben with me?"
"I don't understand the question."
"Lis, he's my son. I've seen him when he was eight years old, and now, when he's nine. I've lost nine years of his life, Lis. I'll never get that back. I don't know what it was like when he was born. I've never seen what he looked like as a baby. What did he look like when you held him and fed him? How old was he when he cut his first tooth. What was the first word he said. When did he walk? What kind of birthday parties did you throw for him? What was Christmas and Halloween like? How did he handle kindergarten and his first day in school? Has he called anyone you dated, Daddy?"
"Come with me," she murmured. "And no..no one has ever been called Daddy."
Dean followed her out of the bedroom.
Lisa pulled out some albums out of a box, handing the oldest one to him. "Here," she said, settling next to him.
Sitting on the floor, Indian style, Dean opened the first album. He turned to the first page.
This album had baby pictures. "The movies are packed away but this is a start."
Dean took a long time going through the album. He'd stare at each picture as if trying to memorize everything about it. He'd touch the face in some of them. He said nothing. Finally finishing the first album, he set it down, and covered his eyes with one hand.
"Can I see the rest of them?"
Lisa kissed him. "They're all here. I'll find the videos when I can."
The hunter nodded, opening the next album. Each album represented a year or an event in Ben's life. Dean tried to literally soak it in and be a part of it in his mind and heart. It was almost like striving to imprint a memory one didn't have.
He could see a strange man holding Ben's hands and helping him walk. "Is that his grandfather?"
She nodded. "He passed away two years ago," she said softly.
"Mine was almost three years now. Bobby is a better grandfather for Ben as far as my family goes."
"It's another reason Ben's latched onto him so quickly," she said. "Bobby is a sweet man, and I think he'll be a wonderful grandfather to all the kids - current and future."
"Yeah, he will be. He was a good dad too."
Dean looked at his son in a sponge bob costume and smiled. "Well, that's original. He got to trick or treat. Dad never let us. Sam hates Halloween. He hates Christmas too. We've never had a family Christmas. I vaguely remember them when Mom was alive." Dean turned to the Christmas pictures. Ben had paper everywhere. Every once in a while, a tear dropped, but Lisa pretended it hadn't happened. "He had a hell of a good time and made out like a bandit."
"Some of those gifts were from you," she told him. "I told him that his daddy was important and loved him very much."
She could hear the tears choking his voice as he asked, "Which ones?"
Lisa smiled, pointing out the various presents she'd bought for Dean in his absence. Race cars, books..things that were very cool.
"Lis, how could you tell him I was important? We had that time together but I didn't tell you what I was or did, until last year. How could you possibly know what I was? I know I hurt you when I told you I couldn't get involved last year, I was dying, Lis. Heading to hell because I sold my soul to bring Sam back to life. I couldn't tell you that. You told me he wasn't mine. I told you I wished he was. Why didn't you tell me?"
Not expecting an answer, Dean picked up an album of Little League baseball pictures. He pressed his lips together and slowly went through them, watching his son play left field, working a bat, and running bases. "He's a good hitter."
"During that weekend, you let it slip that your job saved lives. So that's what Ben grew up knowing, that his daddy's job was important cause it helped people." She was quiet. "I didn't say he was yours because I knew you were leaving again. I couldn't tell you, and I couldn't do that to Ben. You weren't ready."
"Damn it, Lis. I wanted to be. I so wanted to be. You saw the kind of things we were fighting. How could I bring you and Ben into that? I was going to die, Lis. I shouldn't be here, now, but Cas saved me. I wanted have you in my life so bad. You guys were always on my mind. I kept an eye on you. I didn't have a lot of money, but a private detective watched over you. Hunters I knew would drive by when they passed through. I wanted you, Ben, and normal so bad, I could taste it."
Dean picked up the album that had all of Ben's birthdays. He smiled at each year, watching his son grow through the parties. When he reached the eighth one, he was surprised of pictures with just Ben and him in them. They were standing by a trellis, both with a plate of cake. Dean winced and was struggling not to break down completely. He needed to see these, and was afraid if he started crying that Lisa would think it was too much for him in his condition.
She knew he was near tears. "I did the best I could, love. You had to be ready to come home to us."
"I wish....," Dean sighed. "I didn't know there was a possibility of an us to come home to. You said he wasn't mine, but damn it, Lis. He was just like me. It was almost scary, he was so much like me. I wish...."
"No more wishes on what can't be changed, Dean. You have a lifetime with us now and our future babies."
He nodded as he placed the last album back into the box. "Thank you for sharing these with me." It took him a minute, but he managed to get back up. "I'm getting tired, Lis. I know Ben's not ready yet. This is strange country, so you can't just let him roam without supervision. I understand that. I might be asleep, but you are wanted if you would like to come in there with me."
"Not ready for what, Dean?"
"Bedtime? I'm sorry, Lis, my mind is running in a million directions at this minute. I'm watching my son grow up."
She kissed him. "Let me tell him to wash up and head that way, unless you want to?"
"I'd love to, Lis."
Dean headed for the front door and stepped outside, seeing Sam, Sarah, Bobby, Watari, and Matt either playing with or watching his son. He wondered where Near was. Knowing he'd be in big trouble, he joined the others. Sam could see his red eyes, blotchy face and slightly runny nose, and knew something had happened.
"Hey, where's Near?"
"Working," Matt answered.
"Has he not been working?"
"He'll eat when I bring him food and sleeps when he's tired," Watari told him. "However, with Ryuuzaki down, the caseload couldn't be neglected."
Matt sighed. "I help where I can but he's better at it than I am, so I do researching."
"If I went after Lilith still feeling exhaustion from trying to heal from a sidewinder bullet, how much worse must he be feeling? Somebody unplugs it right now, or I will. That boy needs exercise, rest, peace, and food. He can't work til he drops, get up and work again. Ryuuzaki would be furious at it. He's young, he's not completely over the shooting, and this is crazy. Yes the cases are important, but that boy is more so."
The two looked at each other. "We've tried. He has said no, that this was more important until Ryuuzaki is back on his feet. Some of them are time sensitive, Dean, and people's lives are on the line."
"And there's nobody who can handle the ones that can backburnered. Not all of them are time sensitive. I'll go in, and I'll bring him out, if I have to. His life is more important. It will be up to Near, Matt, and Mello to do what has to be done. Matt, you are just as intelligent. You don't want the responsibility and I understand that, but this is Near. Take some of those cases, man."
"I have been! I've cleared thirty in the last two days," he told him. "Near's got the ones that can't be put aside and needs a mind sharper than mine. I know I'm not dumb but I'm no where near Mello and Near's levels."
"What's wrong with Mello? I know he hurt his back, but that shouldn't stop him from taking part of the load. What's wrong with him?"
"He's still asleep," Watari told him. "We're not sure why he hasn't woken yet."
"What the hell is the doctor giving him? I'm up and thinking. Ryuuzaki, I understand. He went through what I did and he's never faced that before. But Mello, popped something in his back when firing at Lilith. This makes no sense. Near needs him. "
Dean headed for the trailer that L and the boys shared.
Near was working hard, occasionally nibbling on a snack that Watari had provided. His gray eyes stayed focused on the monitor.
Mello stirred, eyes slowly opening to focus on the ceiling. The last thing he remembered was firing the gun and feeling something painful in his back.
Dean entered the building and locked the door behind him, knowing that Watari, Matt, Sam, and Bobby would be after him once the surprise wore off. He was feeling exhausted. He'd meant it when he told Lisa he needed to go to bed, but this was Near.
Mello heard Dean's voice calling for the young teen. "Near, what the hell are you doing? Killing yourself? We both know what condition you are in. You might be able to fake it for some, but not me, Near. I was still exhausted and hurting at times when I went after Lilith yesterday. Damn, was it only yesterday? Hell, no wonder they want me in bed. Near, please turn off the damn computer or find someone who can take it over. You can not do this 24/7 and expect to be okay mentally or physically. What you got going on inside of you will mess up your logic. Now, turn it off, find someone to do it, or I'll unplug it, and probably hurt myself when I pick you up and haul you to bed. I'll sit there all night and make sure you sleep."
Mello groaned, rolling out of bed because he knew just how stubborn his fellow teen was.
"Near cannot. The time on one case cannot be postponed." He looked up at Dean, chip hanging comically out of his mouth.
"Near, dropping from exhaustion can cause you major setbacks. Making mistakes because you are at that point will hurt people. Now, I meant it. I'm not joking. I'm counting thirty seconds, Near. I will be unplugging that machine and hauling your ass to your room and putting you in your bed. I will put a chair at your door and sit in it all night. Bedtime, Near. Your way or mine?"
Gray eyes narrowed."Near has less than two hours to get this case finished before a child dies, Dean. Near is not tired nor is Near requiring a break. Dean must remember that Near has been training for this since Near can recall." He pointed at the doorway. "Near now has Mello's assistance."
"Mello, is he exhausted? Truth, my friend? You? Are you exhausted?"
The blond rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up. "Let him finish this case and I'll drag him to sleep while I take up where he left off. Near isn't one to be overly dramatic. If he says he's on a time limit, then he's on a serious one."
Dean nodded. "Okay. I want to know you both are resting. Don't look at me that way, Near. I know I haven't been. They brought me here and they are building my home, and I can't be involved. I have been on the computer, and doing other stuff too. I'm feeling it. I need to round up my son, and get some rest. Just promise me, cause I believe you guys, and I trust you."
Dean went to the front door, and opened the lock. The door shoved open, and Sam grabbed him by his t-shirt and dragged him out of the trailer.
"Time for bed, Dean," he grinned at his brother.
"I've got to find my son and tell him to head on in and wash up. I'll go to bed, Sam. Come on, Sam, let me go. Damn it."
Bobby and Watari standing by the steps, were grinning. "Just pick him and carry him, Sam. The idjit isn't going to behave no matter what he promised. He forgets his promises because he can't quit being so damned involved in everything. Thinks the world can't go around without him. It can, son."
Sam actually had a better idea. "Hey Ben!"
Dean got quiet, "What the hell are you doing, Sam?" he whispered.
"Making things interesting," he said as the little boy came up to them. "Take your dad and go brush your teeth. He wants to put you to bed tonight."
Dean stared at his son and then looked at his brother. Ben grabbed his dad's hand and pulled him towards their trailer. Dean turned back to Sam and mouthed, "That's devious." Lisa was standing at the door, a worried look on her face. Dean looked at her, and thought, 'Hell, I blew it.'
Sam just gave him a large grin and shooed him off. Lisa looked at her fiance. "Don't scare me like that again."
"Near was hurting himself, Lis." Dean looked at her expression and grew quiet. "I'm sorry." He followed Ben and Lisa into the house and heard her lock the door. He followed his son down the hallway on the opposite end of the trailer and waited while Ben brushed his teeth and cleaned up. He found pajamas for the boy and then tucked him in.
"Sweet dreams, son. Angels are watching over you." Dean ran his fingers through his son's hair and kissed his forehead. "I love you, son."
Lisa came in, kissing her son as well before smiling at Dean, heading to their room.
Dean followed her to the other end of the trailer and the master bedroom where he'd spent much of his day. He felt hot and uncomfortable. Leaning down, he took off his jeans and removed his t-shirt. Still wearing his boxers, he lay down on the bed, waiting for Lisa, who was in the bathroom. He was half asleep when she joined him.
"I'm sorry, Lis. I blew it today. I know."
She came in, slipping into the bed. "You were taking care of Near," she said with a smile.
"Yeah, but I don't take care of me, Lis. I never do that very well. My mind is always on what needs to be done everywhere and for everyone else but me.. I'm sorry."
"Well, that's my job," she reminded him.
"Did you send Sam or does he think it's his job too?"
"He's family, Dean, of course he thinks it's his job to watch over you. Just like Bobby does you and Sam, and you watch over me, Sam, and Ben."
"I vaguely remember telling Sam that I couldn't do it all any more, and I needed him. Damn. He really took it seriously. He doesn't play fair either."
"Nope, but brothers aren't supposed to, remember?"
"I don't have a lot of experience at just being a brother, Lis. I've had to be so many things for so long, that it's hard to really know sometimes, what is being a brother, and what isn't. I'm trying though. Where's Larry, by the way?"
"Curled up in Ben's room by now," she laughed.
"That's good." Dean turned over and wrapped his arm around her, nuzzling his chin into her neck, and his breathing slowed. She knew the exhaustion finally caught up with him. He'd be taking it easy the next day.
Lisa held him close, drifting to sleep soon herself.
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