Learning Dean Winchester: Chapter Seven

        Sam slept deeply, head rolled to the side, slumped in the chair by Dean’s bed.  He turned restless when the voice returned.

        ‘Dean is afraid of loss, Sam.  You have been angry over many of his actions.  Why did he sell his soul?  Why does he always attempt to go in first?  Why does he always throw himself in front of you?  Part of it you know.  He will protect you over everyone including himself.  There is more.’

        Sam watched the times he ran away.  Dean would hold the fear in, but would be almost sick with worry.  Flagstaff was a turning point for Dean. It was not the typical run away attempt.  John came home to find Dean tearing the entire community apart.  Their father blamed the older boy.  It was his job to watch and protect Sammy.

        The younger brother watched in shock.  John Winchester took a wide, thick leather strap.  Dean was forced to strip down.   The hunter beat his son until the boy could no longer stand.

        ‘No! Don’t!  It’s my fault, not Dean’s,’ Sam cried in his sleep. 

        Sam remembered the strange look on Dean’s face when his older brother gave him every dollar he had.  Getting on the bus for Stanford, he took one last look in the man’s eyes.  They looked dull, almost lifeless.

        His possession by Meg had cost both of them dearly.  Murder had occurred and Dean covered it up to protect his brother.  The older Winchester was afraid for him.

        When Azazel kidnapped all of the special children, Dean left no stone unturned.  His brother and Bobby found him but it was too late.    In a way, he had left Dean again.

        ‘Damn,’ Sam whimpered in his sleep.

        He remembered the fight before he killed Lilith.  He had chosen Ruby and deserted Dean.  His brother attempted over and over to save him from what he gotten into, but he had not recognized it as such.

        The next time he left, they both agreed on it.  Dean could not protect him and do his own job without getting hurt.  It had been a painful parting. 

        He remembered the cage and how his brother looked before Sam jumped in.  Still, he was brought back and hunted for a year before Dean knew he was alive.  He’d done it to give Dean the life he should have had, but Dean really didn’t live that life.  He knew it now.

        He thought of Amy.  Dean had been right in killing her, but the worst nightmare he was now dreaming. 

        Dean was on his own in Purgatory.  There was no time to rest.  He hunted for Castiel and finally made an alliance with Benny.  He knew Sam would be hunting for him.  Benny knew a way out.  Keeping Castiel safe and getting back to his brother kept him alive. 

        ‘I didn’t even try,’ Sam whispered.  ‘No wonder he’s hurting, angry, and sarcastic towards me. ‘

        Sam tossed violently on the chair, waking himself and Dean.

        “Sammy?”

        Covered with sweat, the younger Winchester looked across at his injured brother. 

        ‘What in the hell have I done?’