Thursday, November 29, 2012
Sam stood in the laboratory, the words of Crowley still echoing off the walls. A look of shock, sorrow, and utter confusion showed on the hunter’s face.
Dean and Castiel were gone. He didn’t know where, but he figured they were dead. Killing a creature like the head Leviathan had to have consequences. He understood it now.
He looked around him. There were others and he didn’t think he had it in him to do anything about them. There was no one left. Meg and Kevin were gone.
Sam walked outside and managed to get the Impala out of the sign where Meg had driven it. The keys were still in the car. He sat inside and stared out the window in a daze. Suddenly, Sam Winchester zoned out.
He spent the next year with Amelia, a veterinarian he met when he ran over a dog. She had lost her husband. It took some time for them to connect, but Sam found himself taking a serious interest in the woman. He was building a new life and new memories.
After a year of normalcy, the hunter had packed his duffle. He rose late at night and drove to Whitefish, Montana. It was here his problems with Dean began.
Sam believed the lies he told his brother and grew angry at the hurt and bitterness Dean seemed to show. The two men hunted together but were not acting like brothers. The older hunter wanted to hunt and he did not believe that Sam wanted to go to college and back to Amelia.
After the hunt that brought them into cartoon land, Sam kept thinking back on what he had told the man about just fading out of reality. He started having dreams where Amelia found that her husband was alive. If this was true, why was he still with her?
After several months of confusion, Sam woke his brother and told him he had to talk to him.
“Okay, Sam,” Dean yawned.
“Dean, I think I have something wrong with me inside.”
“What kind of wrong, Sammy?”
“I need to explain some things to you about the year you were gone,” Sam said quickly, watching his brother’s face harden. “I think I zoned out….left reality behind.”
“I drove for months, Dean. I know I stopped at places, but I don’t remember any of it, except for the dog and Amelia. Memories started happening that make no sense. I don’t think any of it was real,” Sam’s voice broke on the realization.
“Hold on a minute, Sam. You don’t think it was real? Where the hell were you for a year?”
“I don’t know. Dean, I’m sorry. I don’t know.”
Sam fell to the floor by Dean’s bed, his body shaking and the tears of horror at what had happened to him wracked his body. Dean turned on the light and reached down to pull his baby brother into his arms. He finally had him on his bed and held him.
“Sammy, that could happen to any of us,” the older Winchester whispered. “I love you, Man. I changed because mine was real. I think I still have some humanity here. I know you do. You couldn’t deal? Your mind just gave notice? Okay, that I can understand. You’ve had more than your share of addictions and mental breaks due to our life.”
Sam just shook his head, not accepting what his brother was saying.
“Sammy, there’s nothing wrong with losing the ability to cope and trying to hide from reality. The important thing is you realize it and you face reality now. Can you do that?”
“I’m gonna have those memories. I created them. They’ll never leave me, Dean.”
“Well, I hope you’ll share them with me. I want to know how you lived that year. Even if it was in your mind. I’ll make a deal with you. My life was worse than Hell, Sammy, but I’ll share with you the things that happened during that year. I just want you to share yours. We deal with them together.”
Sam Winchester looked up into the green eyes of the man who raised him. Dean’s eyes were wet with tears. More important, there was forgiveness.
The Winchesters were a team once more, each knowing there was a port in their storm, and it was each other.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Dean stood still for a while, eyes closed, with his hands fisted, nails biting deeply and drawing blood. The boy finally winced from the pain and his mind cleared. He only had two choices Bobby or his Dad. If he called Bobby, he might get Sam back without John knowing. Shaking his head, he knew the reality of John Winchester never knowing.
The boy walked over to the phone and called the number of the hunter John was working with. His father said very little. Has asked the pertinent questions and told Dean to be ready.
It was late when the man finally arrived. He walked into the house, stared at his older son, and walked to the phone. Dean realized the man was calling Bobby. John listened for a moment and hung up the phone.
He walked over to Dean. The boy stood and faced the man.
“I had no way of knowing he was gonna do that, Dad,” he spoke quickly, a sense of panic in his voice.
John said nothing. He kept staring. The quietness made Dean’s stomach hurt even more.
“Dad, we gotta find him. He could get hurt. I’m sorry, Dad.”
“He ran off on your watch, Dean,” the man spoke quietly.
“I know, Dad. He was going to the library.”
“Where were you?”
“I went to the burger place,” Dean turned pale as the thought of the girl came to mind.
He never saw the fist.
“Get up, Dean,” John growled.
The boy rose to his feet and faced his punishment. He’d lost his charge and deserved what was going to happen. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth.
“You were supposed to keep an eye on him! You were chasing girls, Dean! Sam was your responsibility. Anything happens to him, I will take it out of your hide!”
“Yes, Sir!” Dean took the hits to his stomach and his face.
The angel arrived and headed towards the boy’s father.
‘Father? I have to stop this.’
‘No. You may comfort him when it is over, but you cannot interfere this time, my Son. This memory is vital for Dean. I am sorry.’
‘May I help him heal?’
‘After the father is gone, but slowly. He must not think it is a miracle.’
Cas watched John Winchester beat his son, anger showing on the angel’s face. If he had his way, this would be the last time the man touched the boy.
John headed for the door, leaving hs son leaning against a wall, holding his stomach.
“He’s in Flagstaff. Bobby called around. You will stay here. I’ll decide whether you get to stay with Sam or not when I get back,” the hunter answered as he left the house.
Dean laid on his side on the floor and deep sobs left him. He would take anything from his dad but don’t take his Sammy away. Cas could hear the whimpered cries between the deep sobs.
He laid down on the floor with the boy, and held him, slowly easing some of the pain and letting his peace fall upon him.
In his drugged induced haze, Dean stared at the tears and sorrow on his brother’s face.
“Done?” he whispered in a hoarse voice.
“Dean, I probably have a long way to go, but this is a start for me. I kept deserting you over and over all of my life. I’m sorry. I think it never really registered in my head how important family was to you.”
“Sammy?” Dean coughed and grabbed his abdomen in pain. His brother grabbed the glass of water and gave him a drink. The injured man nodded showing he was finished. “Damn it, Sammy, what the hell are you talking about?”
“When you killed Dick Roman with Cas’ help both of you disappeared. Crowley took Kevin and Meg and told me I had better start killing the Leviathans that were left. I was completely alone, Dean. I lost it. Maybe it was shock. All I knew was you were gone. My mind told me you were dead, Man. I couldn’t think. I was in this cloud of fear, panic, and loss. I got in the car and I drove for days, weeks…I don’t know how long. When I met Amelia, she was running too. It just happened with her. We needed each other. “
The green eyes stared up the younger man. Dean did not answer. Sam wasn’t sure if he’d done more damage or helped by confessing to his brother. They stared at each other until Sam saw one long tear run down his brother’s cheek. The taller man broke into tears.
“I’m sorry, Dean. I thought everything I knew was gone forever and I couldn’t do it alone. I’m sorry.”
“It’s gonna be okay, Sammy. I’m glad you told me what happened. I love you, Man. Talk to me. Okay?”
Sam laid his head on Dean’s lap and murmured, “Okay.” Dean put a hand on his brother’s head and ran his fingers through the long hair.
Cas returned to replace Sam, but when he saw both brothers asleep on the bed, he smiled. Sam had Dean in his arms and held him gently, his own head leaning against the injured man’s.
The angel nodded and disappeared. It was one victory in healing the boys’ relationship.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Sam slept deeply, head rolled to the side, slumped in the chair by Dean’s bed. He turned restless when the voice returned.
‘Dean is afraid of loss, Sam. You have been angry over many of his actions. Why did he sell his soul? Why does he always attempt to go in first? Why does he always throw himself in front of you? Part of it you know. He will protect you over everyone including himself. There is more.’
Sam watched the times he ran away. Dean would hold the fear in, but would be almost sick with worry. Flagstaff was a turning point for Dean. It was not the typical run away attempt. John came home to find Dean tearing the entire community apart. Their father blamed the older boy. It was his job to watch and protect Sammy.
The younger brother watched in shock. John Winchester took a wide, thick leather strap. Dean was forced to strip down. The hunter beat his son until the boy could no longer stand.
‘No! Don’t! It’s my fault, not Dean’s,’ Sam cried in his sleep.
Sam remembered the strange look on Dean’s face when his older brother gave him every dollar he had. Getting on the bus for Stanford, he took one last look in the man’s eyes. They looked dull, almost lifeless.
His possession by Meg had cost both of them dearly. Murder had occurred and Dean covered it up to protect his brother. The older Winchester was afraid for him.
When Azazel kidnapped all of the special children, Dean left no stone unturned. His brother and Bobby found him but it was too late. In a way, he had left Dean again.
‘Damn,’ Sam whimpered in his sleep.
He remembered the fight before he killed Lilith. He had chosen Ruby and deserted Dean. His brother attempted over and over to save him from what he gotten into, but he had not recognized it as such.
The next time he left, they both agreed on it. Dean could not protect him and do his own job without getting hurt. It had been a painful parting.
He remembered the cage and how his brother looked before Sam jumped in. Still, he was brought back and hunted for a year before Dean knew he was alive. He’d done it to give Dean the life he should have had, but Dean really didn’t live that life. He knew it now.
He thought of Amy. Dean had been right in killing her, but the worst nightmare he was now dreaming.
Dean was on his own in Purgatory. There was no time to rest. He hunted for Castiel and finally made an alliance with Benny. He knew Sam would be hunting for him. Benny knew a way out. Keeping Castiel safe and getting back to his brother kept him alive.
‘I didn’t even try,’ Sam whispered. ‘No wonder he’s hurting, angry, and sarcastic towards me. ‘
Sam tossed violently on the chair, waking himself and Dean.
Covered with sweat, the younger Winchester looked across at his injured brother.
‘What in the hell have I done?’
John had gone a long hunting trip. School finals were almost over. Sam was feeling antsy. Dean watched his little brother, knowing another argument with their Dad had occurred. The older boy was at a loss how to fix things between his father and brother. The fights made his stomach hurt. Sam was questioning everything. John Winchester never tolerated anyone questioning his abilities.
Two days after school was out for the summer, Sam told his brother he was going to walk to the library. Dean decided to walk with him and go to the local burger place. There was a girl working there he was interested in. The two boys parted ways at the library.
Two hours later, Dean entered the library. He searched all three floors but could not find his brother. He asked at the checkout desk. No one had seen Sam. Concerned, Dean jogged back to the house his father had rented
“Sam!” Dean slammed the front door. “Sammy,” he yelled.
Dean stood still in the house and felt the silence. Where was his brother?
The bedroom they shared was empty. He looked around. Sam’s duffel and some of his clothing were gone. His brother had tried to run away before but never got very far. He knew he could wait him out or bring him home. The older boy headed to the living room and the front door.
Hours later, Dean walked towards the house and entered the front door. He stood there, feeling the emptiness. A large lump had formed in his stomach. He walked through the empty house, fear growing.
“Oh God!” he cried. “What am I gonna do?”
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Sam woke up to find his arms, legs, and body intertwined with his brother's. Dean had dark shadows under his eyes. The younger boy stared at his big brother with a worried frown on his brow.
Sam eased out of the bed and went into the kitchen. He put on a pot of coffee and fixed himself a bowl of cereal. John stumbled out of his room a few minutes later. His bloodshot eyes focused on his youngest son.
“That coffee I smell?”
“Yes, Sir, Dad,” Sam murmured.
“Good. Where’s your brother?”
“He’s still sleeping.”
“He’s supposed to be keeping an eye on things. Get him up!”
Before Sam could move, Dean entered the kitchen. He poured John a cup of coffee and fixed himself a cup and a bowl of cereal. The three remained quiet. John kept staring at his eldest son.
The older boy stiffened and looked his father in the eyes.
“Where’s my shotgun?”
“It’s in the Impala, Dad.”
“I cleaned it yesterday. It was here.”
“You left it in the car, Dad,” Sam interspersed.
John saw Dean wince at the words. He stood up and walked out to the Impala and opened the door. The shotgun was on the front seat and there were streaks of dried blood on the driver’s seat and the steering wheel.
He carried the gun into the motel room and shouted the oldest boy’s name. Both boys ran into the living room. Dean pushed Sam behind him and quietly told him to go to their room and stay there. At first Sam refused, but he sensed the fear and panic in his brother and slipped out.
“What the hell happened?”
“I don’t know what you are asking about, Dad,” Dean said softly.
“There’s blood in the car. What happened? Who got shot? The gun’s been fired.”
“No one’s hurt, Dad.”
John walked over to his son and stared into his eyes. Dean tried to back up but his father grabbed him. The boy stiffened, but stood still. He had Sammy to worry about.
“What did you do? Who did you shoot?”
“I didn’t shoot anyone, Dad. You drug me out to the woods and said there was something killing animals and draining blood. That’s it. You fell. The gun went off. I dragged you to the car and drove here. Sammy helped me put you to bed. I swear,” Dean was trying not to let the fear reach his voice.
“You’re a lying son of a bitch. Do you know that? There’s blood in the car!”
Dean winced and stood still as his father’s fist hit the side of his head and he went down.
The angel had gone out on a case for Father that morning, but he felt the pain Dean experienced and was back at the motel. John kicked his son and told him to get up. The boy had curled into a ball. The third kick never hit as John landed flat on his back. A severe pain went through his head and he passed out.
The angel knelt beside Dean. He ran his fingers through the short hair and whispered, “Take deep breaths and relax a moment. Let the pain ease.”
The boy could not hear him but felt the peace and the comfort. He closed his eyes and one single tear went down his face. Sam came out and brought John’s blanket. Dean slowly rose and they covered the man. Sam put his arms around his brother.
“You okay, Dean?”
“Yeah. It was nothing, Sammy. I’ve had worse.”
Castiel shook his head at the lies. Dean was going to protect his family even if it killed him.
Before I start this chapter. I have been receiving a large number of attacks by Sam Girls. I am biased. That is not what this story is about. I suggest that those who think I am go back to season one and follow Sam and Dean closely and don't take sides. I'm not. Thanks so much for the great reviews.
The younger man awoke with a jerk when the hoarse whisper pierced his slumbers. He looked into a pair of green eyes filled with pain. Noticing the time on the clock, he checked the medicine schedule and took out two pills. He carefully lifted his brother and helped him take the pills. Dean swallowed the water thirstily.
“Not too much, Dude,” Sam softly told the injured man. “I’ll give you some more in a little while. Let’s see how you do with this.”
“Where are we?”
“A cabin Cas took us to. How are you feeling?”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Okay, Mr. Macho. Now, how are you feeling?”
“I said I’m….”
“Cut the crap, Dean. I know you better than anyone. How are you feeling?”
Green eyes stared into hazel ones. The older hunter licked his dry lips. Sam heard a deep sigh and grinned.
“It’s not funny, Sammy,” whispered the injured man.
“Of course it is, Dean. You don’t have a con to get out of the truth this time. It’s hilarious.”
“It’s hurts like hell.”
“I thought as much. I brought a book I thought you might like. I’ll read to you for a bit. Get your mind off the pain.”
“kay,” Dean said softly.
Sam opened the book and began to read. Halfway through the first chapter, Dean dozed off.
Sam stared at his brother, thinking he should have been doing this all along. Of course, Dad would’ve raised hell, but Dad hadn’t been around in a long time. Sam laid his head back and dozed off. At least he got Dean to admit he hurt. He smiled as drifted off to sleep.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Sam cleaned up after his meal, the dream in his thoughts. Deciding to find out more, he went to the living room and found a book he thought Dean might like. There had to be a way to approach the subject without upsetting and injuring his brother.
Walking down the hall, he saw a dim light on the table by the bed. Castiel was back in the chair. The angel looked up as the younger man entered the room.
“You weren’t here earlier. I noted giving him the pain meds in the chart you have made up.”
“I saw it, Sam. Thank you. I am investigating the attack on Dean,” was the soft reply.
“Not yet. Do you wish to sit with him?”
“Yeah. If he wakes, I thought I would read to him or we might have a talk.”
“I have things I need to tend to. I will be back before you retire for the night.” The angel stood up to give his seat to the taller man.
“Thanks, Cas,” Sam said softly.
“You are welcome, Sam.”
The angel disappeared and the younger Winchester made himself comfortable. He looked at his brother. Dean seemed to be sleeping deeply. Sam felt frustrated he might have to wait on the talk, but took the time to study his brother.
The older man looked uncomfortable. He wished he could ease the pain more, but knew it would not happen. He stared intently at the injured man.
Dean looked pale, but he had paler skin that Sam. It just never registered in the younger man’s mind that Dean could have a more fragile look. His brother’s personality overwhelmed the look at times. Most people felt him more than seeing him. Sam thought it was a shame. Dean was actually a handsome man.
Sam smiled at the freckles. Dean found them frustrating at times. His brother was only concerned about his looks when a woman was present. Sam had to admit his brother could attract them. He almost laughed about it.
Sam frowned for a minute. He had found what normally irritated him humorous. He began to think about all the women. Why did Dean chase after them so much?
Sam jumped when he heard the strange voice again, ‘Why should it bother you? Dean has a need to be appreciated and loved. Even a one-night stand lifts his ego. He seldom receives what he needs at home, Sam. Think about that.’
The younger hunter looked at his brother with another puzzle partly answered.
He whispered softly, knowing Dean did not hear him, “Am I part of the reason you chase women, Dean?” Sam Winchester had another thing to worry about and work through.
He sighed and leaned back in the chair, waiting for Castiel’s return.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Dean finally regained consciousness. He slowly felt himself for injuries. His jacket and shirt were sticky. He looked for his flashlight and saw blood on his hands.
Panicking, the boy looked everywhere for a wound and found none. Confusion replaced the panic he had felt. He struggled to remember what had happened.
His father was drunk and he fell. He had not had his safety on. Dean remembered hearing the shot and feeling a sharp pain. He remembered waking up in pain. Everything went blank after that.
The boy rolled over onto all fours and looked slowly got to his feet. He needed to get his Dad home and into bed. Dean was grateful he knew how to drive the Impala but he just had to remember how to get home.
The angel followed the boy as he slowly made his way to his father. Dean did not know that he had help getting his father up and to the car. The man stumbled and spoke incoherently.
Castiel helped Dean with the driving, nudging him on where to turn. He waited as Dean parked the car and sat in the seat with his head on the steering wheel.
“It is all right, Dean,” the angel spoke softly. “You are safe.”
Taking a deep breath, the boy got out of the car and went to rear door. Again, he had angelic help.
Trying to hold his father and find his key was difficult. The door suddenly opened and a frightened Sam reached to help. They dragged their father to his bedroom and put him on the bed. Dean covered him while Sam took off his boots. They walked into the living room.
Sam saw the blood.
“I’m okay, Sammy. I don’t know why, but I am.
“Dean, go take a hot shower and get out of those clothes. I’ll make some hot chocolate.”
Dean came out of the bathroom in sweats and a t-shirt. They drank the chocolate and Dean told Sam what he remembered. It made no sense to either of them.
Cas spent the night sitting on a chair in the second bedroom, watching the two boys sleep. Sam had arms and legs all over Dean, but the older boy did not seem to mind. Cas would get up when Dean had a nightmare. He would gently touch the boy and ease the fears. Dean slept under angel care.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Sam was sleeping a dreamless sleep when he heard a voice speak softly, “Remember.”
He turned and looked into a man’s face. A woman called out a name and the man place a finger to his mouth and went ‘sshh.’ He felt something enter his mouth and he swallowed automatically.
It was dark except for one small light. The man turned as someone entered the room. Sam heard a woman scream and man’s voice in the distance. He focused as another man leaned over and looked at him.
The younger Winchester whispered, “Dad?”
Sam felt something wet hit his face and then heard his Dad scream “Mary!”
Suddenly the room was bright with light, heat, and smoke. John Winchester picked him up. ‘How?’ he thought.
He felt smaller arms hold him and heard his Dad tell someone to take Sam out and protect him. “Run, Dean!”
Images followed after the fire. Dad holding him. Dean in shock and not speaking. Staying at someone’s house. His Dad and a woman looking down at him. “We will keep Sam, but not Dean. Something is wrong with him. He won’t speak and he keeps crawling into the bed with Sam.”
The arguments over Dean’s actions flowed through his mind. Sam began to toss in his sleep. The voice that had told him to remember murmured, “He would not leave you. He was told to protect you.”
Sam sat up, coated with sweat. He could see the fading light through the drapes in the room. Getting out of bed, the younger brother dressed and walked down the hall and looked in on Dean. The hunter was asleep, but there were furrows on his brow. His brother was in pain.
Walking over to the table beside the bed, he saw a note pad with times and what had been given to the older Winchester. Looking at the clock, Sam realized it was time for the pain pill.
Pouring a small glass with water, taking a pill from the bottle, Sam sat on the side of the bed and gently touched his brother. Dean jerked awake, and groaned in pain.
“Hey, it’s okay, Dean. It’s time for your pain pill. You were grimacing,” Sam spoke softly as he carefully lifted his brother so the man could swallow the pill with the water.
“There you go,” the younger man said softly.
He sat on the bed and watched the injured man slowly drift back to sleep. Through his mind came the same thoughts. ‘He didn’t leave me. He carried me out. Damn it! He had to have been about four years old.’
Sam rose quickly when the thought came to him, ‘I’m his job!’ He headed to the kitchen with the thought on his mind. His head was whirling. All the stupid things Dean had done was to protect him.
“Damn it, Dean! We grew up! You didn’t have to keep doing that.”
Sam made himself a salad and some soup. He was confused about what he was thinking. ‘Why did Dean think he had to keep on doing that?’
The voice returned and Sam jumped. ‘He was told to do so. His father was always right.’
The angel stared into the slightly glazed eyes of the young teenager laying on the ground beside him. The hazel eyes stared into his blues ones and a sudden glimmer of recognition passed over his face.
‘Father? What do I do?’
‘He needs this right now. Give him strength to fight, my Son. He is badly injured. Stop the bleeding and let him believe in you.’
“Yes, Dean. I am Castiel. You remember me,’ the angel replied with more of a surprised statement than a question in his voice.
“How do I know you?”
“I watched over you when you were little,” Cas spoke softly as he pulled back the jacket and saw the wound. The bullet had punctured a lung. The boy was going to bleed out before another human could help him.
“Are you an angel?” Dean had surprised disbelief in his voice as he started having difficulty breathing.
‘Father, I have no choice.’
‘I know, Son. I am giving you free will here. He must not die and he must not remember.’
‘Thank You, Father.’
“Why did you leave me?”
“You no longer believe in me, Dean,” the angel spoke softly as he placed a hand on the wound.
The younger Winchester gasped and bit down on his bottom lip to stifle the scream. A light surrounded him for a small second and the pain was gone. He took a deep breath and looked up at the man in the trench coat with questions in his eyes.
He placed a finger on the boy’s forehead and watch him go limp. The memories of the moment were gone.
“I never left you, Dean. You left me,” Castiel said sadly.