Sam Asks for Help
Neither the man nor the boy woke the entire night. Sam and Watari checked in on them at breakfast, noting that both were sleeping soundly. Sam had brought a special rub Missouri made for them.
“They won't be able to eat until I take care of cricks and spasms. They slept odd all night.”
L frowned slightly. "What is that in the jar?"
“It's an ointment a psychic friend of ours makes for us. With the right massage, and this ointment, cricks and spasms stop. Missouri makes it from her herb garden. It will head into the muscles, joints, tendons, and such, but it doesn't burn the skin or make you feel greasy.”
The frown deepened. "Watari will give you an outbound line. Please call her and ensure that it will not harm Near's skin. Being albino, he is highly sensitive to certain things."
Sam wrote as he talked to Missouri. He was quiet after he got the list. He looked up at L and Watari. “Here's the list. She says Lilith will be on the move next week and we need to find the angel and get Dean help. She says he's not healing right. She's never wrong, L.”
"Said angel will be impossible to locate," he pointed out. "Add to that I am still looking for the Colt."
“I'm not arguing with you. Lilith is always on the move. That's why I never could find her. My concern is Dean. She's right. He's not healing right because he's doing stupid things, like beating a wall with his one good hand and his head. He's not putting everything he's being taught into motion for himself. He's still trying to take the blame. Yesterday and Near is a good example of it. If I have to sit on him, he's going to stop this crap. He's exhausting himself and he needs to not do that. He's not going to back out of the teaching, but I'm going to get Bobby involved. We're gonna make Dean sit and do what needs to be done from a chair. I'll threaten to tie him to it if I have to. Cas is right. Dean needs to care about himself and want to be well. L, I don't how many more sessions have to happen, but let's get them done. I don't care how violent they get between us, we're not gonna kill each other, but, damn, he's worrying over it. He's not gonna heal if he rips everything open every other day. Can we just do it?”
L nodded. "Indeed. When they wake and have eaten, I will ask for Dean to come and see me."
“Should I come too? I think we both know that the only real major thing left is between us. I have no idea what I might do. I get angry thinking about it, and Dean knows that. I only ask that you let us deal even if it involves hitting or my powers. I'm not gonna kill Dean. He's not gonna kill me. But I'm pissed about what he's doing and he's pissed about the lies I've told. We got to deal.”
"I believe you may be right on that."
“I think I am, and I believe Dean thinks it too and he's afraid of facing it with me. He has to learn that even if I use my powers against him, I would never do what I did the other night. I'd never force him to come to me in anger or hatred....to protect, if I was desperate, I might. But to physically hurt him...no, and he's got to learn that.”
"And you have to believe that yourself as well," he answered him.
“I know, and until I have to use them against him, and with his injuries, it's more then probable that I will, I don't have a great belief that I won't. It's important that we both have the faith in me that I won't.”
L's dark eyes looked into his. "In truth, you should not ever use those abilities against family..only in defense of family. It will take time for you to trust yourself."
“Dean, in a fight with me, will pull his punches. I will hit him hard. That will more then likely happen today if I don't use my powers instead. It's a decision I don't want to have to make, but I may kick my brother's ass today because of the asinine things he's done. His refusal to fight to save himself and leaving me to watch him be torn to shreds, knowing he suffered in hell because of me has had me angry for so long. It goes on and on. I had to deal with that and he has to face it.That is what he's afraid of. He was hiding yesterday. Well he joked he was. I'm probably going to hurt him today, L, but I can't 'ef' with his mind by using my powers. The main thing is to avoid hurting the shoulder. The rest is fair game when we do this. I love him yet I have to force him into this.”
"You honestly believe it will come to blows?"
“Dean does, so yeah. I do. If he thinks it will, it means he's not ready to fess up to being an ass in this. He sold his soul to raise me from the dead and then acted like he didn't give a damn. I watched every day go by, fighting to find a way to save him, only to find out that the deal he made would have me dead again if he did try. He didn't tell me that. If I saved him, I died. Either way, it was a catch 22 because he couldn't live without me, he damned me to live without him, bearing the blame of his death. Yeah, it will, because he's not gonna admit it. We talked when he first came back. He knew that I tried to get him back. It was like talking to a brick wall. I want my brother to break down and tell me the truth. All of it. Hell, Alistair and then tell me he shouldn't have done it. Damn it, L. He's got to stop the crap. It's all I want and when it comes to trying to force him, he strikes out. He's gonna hit me. I'm gonna beat the crap out of him. It's the issues that have to come out. Once the fighting is done, we'll talk.”
"Try talking first," he told him. "Dean may surprise you."
“I'm going to do what I've done every time with him. I'm gonna talk, beg, plea, whatever will reach behind that wall he puts up. He's talked more and let more out then I've heard from him since we've been here, but I bet some of it was yanked out like a tooth. This one, he'll have to admit he should've let me stay dead. I don't know that he can.”
"Part of his sessions have been on him opening up more," he responded. "So let us hope he has paid attention."
“I know he's paid attention because he's done and said things he'd never have done before, but this one thing....I don't know.”
"Try not to borrow trouble," L murmured.
“I'm just telling you that Dean is scared of facing this. Ask the boys how many times he's asked what was planned for the day. Were sessions planned. He's scared. Dean doesn't scare easy, but this one scares him.”
"I am already aware of that," he pointed out.
“Since I've been here, I've learned a great deal and I don't blame him for most of it. He couldn't help it, but he needs to fess up that he is at fault for not facing it...for not telling me the truth. What he doesn't understand is he was manipulated. They were surprised somewhat by my death, but they had planned on what Azazel did inside of Dad to kill Dean. They always wanted him. They told me I wasn't the one they wanted in hell. It was my brother. Dean has a tender soul, and they could break him. My Dad, me? No, but Dean could be broken. I wasn't supposed to die. Dad really wasn't, but Azazel had a sense of humor, and he got the colt out of it. It was Dean. They tried several times to kill him. He let them use me to get to him.” Sam shook his head. “I need to take care of his cricks and spasms. If you feel Near shouldn't have this you might want to take his tray and go to his room and treat him. Separating them might be hard otherwise. I'll eat with Dean. I'd like a nice time with him before we do this, if that will work for you, L?”
"If your friend believes it will not harm his skin, then go ahead and use it." L avoided answering Sam's request, hoping Dean might open up and talk to Sam before the session if he knew one was coming. L intended on having them monitored this morning.
Watari and Sam had brought the trays in. Sam looked at L and the older man. “Do we wake them?”
L nodded, going into the room and gently touching Dean's uninjured shoulder. He had a feeling that with Near beside him, the man wouldn't react as he usually did when startled.
He felt the hunter stiffen, and slowly the hazel eyes opened and focused on the detective. He released the breath he held.
“What time is it?” was whispered at the man leaning over the bed.
"Nine a.m.," he answered softly.
“Wow. Near all right?” He tried turning his head and hissed through his teeth. “Damn! That hurts.” The spasms in his back made him pull the pained neck back trying to ease the knots. “Sam here?” The question was desperate.
"He is," L gestured for Sam to enter. "I am going to wake Near in a few moments. He may be in pain as well and your brother has offered to assist him too."
Dean tried to nod his understanding, but swore under his breath. “Oh, damn! Cricks and spasms. I hate double whammies.”
Sam came in. "I've got Missouri's stuff, Dean. We're going to shift Near over a bit..let him sleep until you're finished so I can help him."
“Might be better to get me out of this bed and onto the floor, Sam. Like I did you the other night. Don't want to wake him up before it's necessary.”
"If L will stay, we can get you up off the floor afterward" L nodded, perching in a chair.
Dean struggled to sit up, but the pain was excruciating. “I can't get up, Sam. I'm gonna try to roll off the bed unto my knees. Can you help me?”
Both Sam and L were quick to respond. L gently moved Near a little away, not disturbing the sleeping teen..an unusual feat in itself and spoke of the boy's exhaustion. Afterwards, he helped Dean out of the bed.
Dean rolled onto his knees on the floor beside the bed. He leaned his head against the mattress, and L could see him trembling but he was handling it differently. The detective realized that this was probably how the hunter usually dealt with pain, when in his right mind. Sam took it as normal, he noticed. Sam whispered asking if he was ready to move. He nodded, and L noticed he'd clenched his teeth.
Both he and Sam helped him as best as they could, trying to brace the injured and hurting areas to keep them from aching too badly. Between them, L and Sam moved the hurting hunter away from the bed. Dean refused to lay on his stomach. “Don't think my shoulder would deal well with that.” He sat cross legged, on the floor, left arm holding his right arm to keep it still, eyes closed, and teeth clenched, he waited.
Sam nodded and open the jar of ointment and began working on the painful muscles, working out the knots. Dean focused on trying not to stiffen. He was really concerned about his neck. He could not turn it. Cricks were hell to deal with. He couldn't believe the nmber of knots Sam was finding in his back. “Damn, Sammy,” slipped out.
"I'm trying, Dean. Try to relax. You said Near taught you some meditation?" The question was whispered so as not to wake the teenager in question yet.
“I'm trying, Sam. It used candles, some scent, and a tape. Can't do that right now, you know. I'm trying to relax. We haven't even gotten to the neck yet. Hell, that dislocated shoulder wasn't this bad.”
"Well, you used a tiny kid's head for a pillow and while you're not a giant, you're a lot bigger than he is. Bad angle for you."
“Don't guess it matters at this point, but I didn't intentionally go to sleep, using him for a pillow. Damn it.” Sam finally massaged the last of the back knots out. He started on the neck.
Dean bit his bottom lip to keep from crying out, and drew blood. He was not going to wake Near. “Oh I hope his isn't like this.”
"I'll be as careful as I can with him," Sam promised.
Dean tried to nod and hissed, “Damn. Must remember not to do that. You know, Sam, if you were in to sadomasochism, this would be the perfect career for you.”
"Jerk," he teased.
“Bitch,” was forced out between grinding teeth.
"And don't you forget it," he laughed, then worked out the last knot. "Better?"
Dean was gasping for air at this point, “Hell, I won't forget. Thanks, Sam. It's much better.”
"Good," he rose and he and L helped Dean back to his feet.
“Thank you.” Dean stared at his brother as he worked with L, watching both of them gently wake Near. “You want to eat breakfast together when you're done?”
"I'd hoped to," he told his brother. Near slowly woke, gray eyes blinking to try to focus.
“Great!” Dean could've kicked himself for sounding so eager. He stood back and watched them help Near.
The teen made no sound as Sam worked on the knotted muscles. His eyes went from Dean to the pile of stuffed cats that was near the corner.
The hunter walked over to the bed and reached over, grabbing Near's hand. “It hurts like hell, Near. I just went through it. There's nothing wrong in letting people know you hurt. You can't get help unless you tell someone.”
"Near has never been..comfortable..in doing such a thing. It is simply something to bear with."
Pain has never been something to bear with, Near. Getting rid of it is something to be desired. No one should just put up with pain. You need to let someone know. There are things that can help you.
He nodded slightly at that.
“It's logical, Near. No one wants to hurt. Knowing that you hurt and don't let us know causes us heartache and worry for you. We don't want to see you hurt.”
"Near will try to remember."
“Please.”
He nodded.
Dean looked over at the cats on the bed. He'd noticed Near staring at them. He found a very large silver and black striped one with gray eyes. It had on a black studded collar. He picked it up and a smaller one that was white with blue eyes and a large scarlet ribbon.
“Here, these will help you.The big one is to sleep with at night. The white is to go with you everywhere.”
The gray eyes widened. "Dean is giving these to Near?"
Dean smiled, “Yeah, I am. Unless you see one over there you'd rather have? If you do, that will be three cats.”
Sam chirped up with a laugh. "He needs a Puss 'n Boots to torment Matt and Mello with."
Stern hazel eyes turned towards his brother. “You're dead, Sam.” That's when Near asked for the Puss 'n Boots, and Dean turned a shocked face towards the boy.
"Perhaps two. Near can put one on each of their beds so Matt and Mello will have a remembrance of their prank."
Dean gave a speechless nod to the teen. He looked at Sam wondering if his brother had instigated this.
It wasn't as if there weren't enough of the said cat. There had to be at least ten. However, Near was busy focusing his attention on the two that had been given to him. L gave a tiny smile, pleased that his heir was content for the moment.
Dean got a wicked smile, walked over to the med kit, and got bandages, and walked this bed, grabbing the two largest Shrek cats. He bandaged their crotches and set them aside for Mello and Matt. Serves them right, he thought, with a grin. L saw the two cats and smirked thinking of the horrors Dean had dealt with the day before because of those cats.
Near was playing with the ribbon on the white cat, not paying attention to what was going on. Sam smiled, finally seeing the innocence Dean had seen in the teen. Despite the horrors the kid had seen and would see, the fascination with toys and the inability to understand emotions would keep him different.
Sam had finished taking care of Near and had gone to put up the ointment and wash his hands. Watari brought breakfast in for the two brothers. Dean gave Near a hug. “I picked out the two biggest for Mello and Matt and doctored them like they did for me yesterday. I hope they will remember the prank really well. Any time, when I am here and you can't sleep, come climb into my bed. I don't mind.”
Near gave him a tiny partial smile and nod. "Near will remember that."
Dean nodded and said, “Fair enough. I'll hold you to it.”
L picked up the larger cat. "Come along, Near, you should eat. Dean, I would like to see you and Sam after you finish eating. Watari will bring you to me."
Dean paled. “What? For a session?”
He nodded.
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