Dean and Sam Talk
Five hours passed and around 8:30, Dean's eyes opened. At first, he didn't know where he was. He felt closed in, almost suffocating. He was smothered in arms and legs, and felt a sense of panic at first. He lay still, trying to focus.
Sam's whispered voice was groggy. "Dean?"
Dean could barely talk from all the crying earlier. His hoarse voice answered his brother, “Sammy? Where? What's going on?”
"We're just napping and enjoying the storm in your room."
“Storms? I like storms. You used to be so afraid of them when you were little. Used to tell you stories to keep your mind off them. My throat hurts so bad.”
"Want some water?"
“You don't have to do that, Sammy. I can get my own water. Thanks, though.” Dean started to try to get out from under his brothers arms and legs.
Sam let him go after a gentle squeeze. "And I remember that, you know. You helping me through storms."
Dean quit moving. It was quiet for a while. Finally, “You remember that? You were real little back then.”
"I remember this cute one about puppies who loved the rain. Don't remember all of it but I hear thunder, I keep thinking of wet puppies."
Dean snuggled back close to his brother, forgetting the water. “Always wanted a puppy. Think I'd really like to have a dog some day. Hunting's not a good place for them. I used to love to play with Bobby's dogs. He never knew that. They were supposed to be watchdogs, but I'd take them fishing and spend half the time rubbing their stomachs.”
"Me too," he admitted. "I'd read under a tree and have them with me too."
“Think we could have some dogs once we get settled at the cabin? I'd take care of them.”
"So would I. I'd love that," he said with a grin.
“I'd really like to have a large number of them. Hit the local shelter and save some.”
"Sounds like a good idea to me," Sam told him.
“Yeah, it does sound good.” Dean sighed. “Damn, I ache all over. I must've torn up every muscle in my body. I was major screwed up, wasn't I?”
"Well, at least we caught you before you did something worse. Need more Tylenol?"
Dean recognized that Sam was talking about his walking episode and his legs were pretty sore.
Sam brought him some water and Tylenol. Dean took the pills and drank the water. He'd been pretty thirsty.
Sam had crawled back onto the bed and lay next to him, listening to the continuing storms as they came through.
“Sammy?”
"Yeah, Dean?"
Sam could hear a hitch in Dean's breath and the older man sounded hesitant. “I wasn't talking about the exercise.”
"Getting upset earlier?"
Dean tried to joke but it didn't sound funny to him after he'd said it, “Is that what they decided to call it? That's nice of them.”
"Well, I'm trying to be tactful," he told him. "You were pretty upset."
“Come off it, Sam. Put tact aside. They should've locked me up for a while. I've no idea what happened, cause I've never done that before. It was like something fractured inside of me and just exploded. They'll never let me anywhere close to Near after this.”
"Don't say what they will or won't do, Dean. You can't anticipate what L will decide. And honestly, why didn't you talk about this issue with him before?" There was nothing but concern in his voice.
“It was private, Sam. You tell him all about Sarah?”
"No, I didn't see L. Dean, I know it's private but it's a source of pain. There's no privacy between a person and their therapist."
“I've been seeing both of them. Lisa and Ben, I don't want them to be part of my therapy, Sam. It's bad enough they had to deal with monsters and know what's really out there. They're in a special spot in my heart and mind, Sammy. I keep it clean. I didn't want to talk about them. L was insistent that I tell her everything, open up to her. It's gonna be years, Sam, before I have anything to offer her, and that's if she'd even consider me.”
"Dean, did you ever stop to think that what you have to offer her is right here?"
“What? A broken down, emotionally screwed up hunter who's wanted by the Feds and every police department in over 20 states? Yeah, sure, Sam.”
"A heart full of love and dreams. If she loves you, the rest will fall into place. You're the one being too demanding on yourself."
“I'm scared, Sam. I'm just damn scared.”
"I know, Dean, but you know what, love is worth taking a risk."
“Sam, whether it's been family or a woman, I've not had much luck with that risk.”
"There hasn't been a girl out there yet..outside this one..that's been worth taking a risk for, has there?"
“Cassie, and I was stupid enough to try her twice.”
"Did you really give it a shot or did you tell her what we do simply to try to scare her off?"
“No, I gave it a shot, man. I told her because I wanted her to understand what I was and why I'd be gone a lot. The second time, I told her that I thought we could work it. I wasn't gonna beg her man, I know Cassie. She sent me packing both times. With her, begging wouldn't work. I got as close to it as I could without her castrating me. Okay?”
"She wasn't the right one then, but that doesn't mean you can give up, Dean. The right one is there. You have to keep looking and if you think you have the right one, fight for her."
Dean hopped out of bed and had to steady himself a little. He still hurt badly. He headed towards the door, still in a t-shirt, sweat pants, and barefooted, hair going everywhere. He hadn't had it cut in two months. Sam stared at him, and got up to follow.
"Dean?"
“Yeah, Sammy?”
"Where are you going?"
“I'm looking for a place to start fighting, Sam. You can come if you want.”
Not quite sure what his brother was talking about, Sam padded barefoot behind him.
The older man headed towards the big room on the top floor. Sam barely got into the elevator as his brother hit the button. Dean leaned against the wall, breathing heavily.
The younger one stood beside him, silently offering his own strength.
When the elevator door opened, everyone except L looked up. Dean walked out and stopped when he saw Near. He walked over to where Bobby and Near were sitting and got down on his knees, so he could look the teen in the eyes.
“Near, I'm sorry. I was badly screwed up and when you climbed into my lap, it tore me apart. I never meant to scare you or make you uncomfortable around me. I'm really sorry.”
His voice was soft. "Dean has nothing to apologize for. Does Dean feel better?"
“Somewhat, Near. Dean has some things to take care of. It starts right now.” The hunter rose to his feet and turned towards L. He walked over to the man who was working diligently on the main computer. “L? Did you find them?”
L turned the laptop screen towards him. "Is this her?" There was a picture of Lisa and her son, a little bit older, on it.
Dean fell to his knees in front of the computer, a hand softly rose to the screen to touch the picture. He choked, “Yeah.”
"Interestingly enough, she is residing in the town near your cabin," he said quietly.
Dean looked up at L in surprise. “Seriously?" He looked at Watari. "When does the training start? I have a demon to kill and a woman to go after.”
"Tomorrow..if you're well enough," the older male told him.
“Only way to know for sure is to try.” Dean gazed at the picture and sighed. He wanted to talk to her face to face and couldn't at this time. He owed L too much already. He couldn't ask for anything else.
"I have her contact information," L told him. "Whenever you are ready to meet with her, it will be yours."
“I'd love to do it now while I've got the nerve, but if I call and she says no, it's over. I need to see her and let her see I mean this.”
He nodded. "Finish Lilith..then you have all the time to chase after her or whatever it is young men do to get the attention of the girls."
Dean ducked his head a moment, and then nodded. “Yeah, Watari? Tomorrow morning is the first field test for the team. I'm not waiting long for this.” The hunter rose to his feet and hurried and entered the elevator and hit the first floor button.
Sam went after him, completely amazed that L had found her so quickly.
Dean was standing by the pond in the garden looking up at the gray skies. It was only misting between storms.
"You OK?"
“Not sure, man. Every part of me wants to drop everything and go to Texas and let her know how I feel and what I'm planning. I want her to wait for me and be a part of it, and I can't.”
"We have a job to finish first. If we don't, they're in trouble too. I get you."
“I know that, Sammy. It's been over a year and half. There may be someone else. I don't want to lose her. I wasn't wanting to go and stay. I just wanted a day to visit, see Ben, and get a chance to really talk to Lisa. There's no way to get there and back in a day and still have some time. I just wish... that's all.”
"L could find out though."
“What? That's there's another guy? Not sure I want to know that way. The name changed rattled me, Sam.”
"There may be a reason for it, Dean. Don't borrow trouble until there's trouble to be had. Ok?"
“I know that, Sam. I know that Sarah at least emails you once in a while. You got a good chance of building on that. It's not like that for me. I sure wish it was. Hell, last time I saw her, I knew I was heading to hell. Nothing I could say about that. I wanted to.”
He gave his brother a hug. "Let's see how it goes. We can hope for the best."
“Yeah, I know we can, Sam. We'd better go back inside. There's another storm coming.”
"Sounds good," he said.
“We could do some research on stuff for after this is over. I'm not real tired, and Watari will be bringing us some supper pretty soon, I imagine.”
"I like that idea," Sam told him. "Get more ideas and plans for what we want."
“I'm thinking we need to consider adding on to the cabin, or building a second one up there, if Sarah comes. I don't know if either Sarah or Lisa would want to share a house. We could find out though. There's Bobby to think of.”
Sam nodded. "Yeah, maybe find some designs that we can work on together. You know the whole finish the interior yourself stuff?"
“Yeah, to tell you the truth , the interior of that cabin needed a lot of work.”
"Didn't L say he was going to get that taken care of though?"
“Yeah, but I have no idea what his taste is gonna be like, do you?”
"Utilitarian maybe. He doesn't seem to take much interest in surroundings."
“Yeah, but I got ideas of what I'd like to see. You know?”
Sam nodded. "It sounds good to me. We can give our ideas to him to incorporate."
“L works fast and it's been a while since the shootings. May already be done. I think, though, he was thinking of expanding on the back. We needed larger storage for food and stuff. Not sure what else he had in mind.” Dean opened the door to the building and let Sam enter, following him. They headed to the elevator and the smaller man hit the button for his floor. They were quiet on the elevator, exiting when the door opened.
"He'll probably have thought of that," Sam murmured. "If not, we can add it."
“I think it's probably the one thing I'm certain he did.” They reached Dean's room and he opened the door to let Sam enter first.
He laughed at that. "Given his love for food..or at least sweets, yeah."
“I love sweets as much as the next person, Sam, but I'd prefer a good steak or a cheeseburger, unless it's pie.”
That made him grin. "Yeah, I know. Though it's awesome to see you eating healthier."
“I'll keep doing it too, as long as you don't go off the deep end on me.”
"I promise, nothing weird."
“Okay, I don't want any vegetable smoothies, packed full of vitamins and spinach.”
"I promise I won't do that," he laughed.
Dean dropped into one of the two recliners and kicked back. “I want one of these. Wonder what L has in mind after this is over?”
"Dunno, we should ask," he said, settling into the other recliner.
“When he told me I had a lot to offer Lisa, he said I had a backer.”
"Definitely is up to something then."
“You can't push L. He's not gonna tell you anything until he's ready to. I just wish I knew for sure how long this is gonna take. They don't think I'm ready physically. They're probably right. I'm antsy now, Sam. Lisa's on my mind. Not good, but I can't help it.”
"Well, training will help.You're not used to not doing things," Sam pointed out.
“This mental thing is bothering me too. It's not been bad but what if it did? He said it was all the stress, but hell, Sam, she's in the town near our cabin, and I have no idea where the hell we are or how long it will take to get there. If I thought we were still in Texas, I'd get the Impala and go. The way it looks outside, it's not west Texas, if we are in the state.”
"Dean, give it time, OK? You're chomping at the bit over there but should calm down. You've got a team to help train. No mistakes with Lilith."
“Oh, I know that Sam. L told me to tell her I was leaving hunting and what I had planned. Why tell me that, than tell me to wait until my last hunt is over? He's probably right. When she tells me no, it could be worse then not knowing.”
Sam reached over and poked him. "Stop being so negative. She could say yes."
“Yeah and she could be married, Sam. That would explain the name change.”
"First name too?" He'd seen what Dean had seen as well.
“No. You're right. Her family and friends would know where she was if she'd just married. Something scared her. It's possible she wanted to get away from the evil that we hunt.”
He nodded. "It's possible. We'll know soon enough once you talk to her."
“Yeah. I know I could call her right now, but, Sam, this shouldn't be done over the telephone. If I show up, she can't just turn me away. If I call, she might say I can't come.”
"I think arriving might be the best bet."
“Yeah, I do too. I wonder if L now plans on more sessions. I'd also like to know what is planned for tomorrow. Are we leaving this compound to go somewhere for this? I'm getting hungry. How 'bout you?”
Sam nodded. "Definitely," his stomach growled right after.
A few minutes later, a knock was heard on the door. “Come in,” Dean answered.
Watari came in with a small trolly. "I thought you two might be hungry."
Dean sat up, curious about the trolley. “What are we doing tonight, Watari? Both Sam and the older man were surprised at Dean's question. It strayed from his usual banter.
"I have a light supper for you. Since it's been storming most of the day, I put together a chicken soup as well as a salad."
Dean perked up, “Caesar?”
"Of course," he chuckled.
“Fantastic. I'm starving. it chicken noodle or some kind of creamy chicken?”
"Noodle," he said with a smile, setting out the dishes.
Dean rose and began to help the man set the table. “He could smell the soup and smiled. He remembered his mother making the tomato soup when he was sick. He enjoyed soup but never asked for it.
"There's a fruit salad for dessert as well. Enjoy your meal, both of you," Watari said and then slipped out.
Dean sat down and stared at Sam. “You eating?”
"Yeah..just never had this homemade before," he said, sitting down.
“It's okay, Sammy. Me neither. I know it's gonna be good and we're gonna want the recipe.”
He grinned, then took a bite, giving a soft sound of delight. "Oh yeah!"
Dean leaned over and sniffed the steam rising from the large bowl. He took a taste. “Mmmmmmmmmm”
Sam kept eating, enjoying the mix of flavors.
“Gawd, this is good!”
"Yeah, no kidding. Definitely want the recipe."
Dean took a large bite of Caesar salad, licking his lips afterward. Sam still found it hard to watch his brother enjoying salad.
"It's going to take a while to get used to you enjoying vegetables," he said with a soft laugh.
“Still depends on the vegetable and how it's fixed. The right way, some of them taste damn good, Sammy.”
"I'm going to have find out what ones you liked and get recipes," Sam said, taking a bite of his salad.
“So far, everything he's made?”
"Wow, that's fantastic!"
“Yeah, pretty much. I guess it is.”
He grinned. "Definitely going to have to get the recipes then."
“I'd like that. “
"So, what do you think Watari will have planned for the group?"
“I think he may have some military background which would be good. He is going to need people to be involved in this. We have to deal with attacks, how to defend, divide and conquer, and how to get to Lilith and kill her...which is best, Colt or knife? Does he now have the Colt? Lots of I don't knows in there, I'm afraid.”
"L hasn't said anything,' Sam murmured, eating his salad. "We'll just have to wait and see. I think he wants us doing this blind in order to build trust and teamwork."
“I think so too, but he won't know any more then we do. He's on the team.”
"Yeah. Thinking that's Watari's ideas on it."
“Yeah, and as I said, I think he has military training. We are going to be playing some nasty little war games. One wrong step, you get hurt. Has to be that way. Gotta play it real.”
Sam nodded. "And it gives me a chance to work with Near in the observation area. I've never done that before."
“His calm voice kept me sane last time, Sam. He never lost it...calm facts, who was where, what was coming down. I knew what to expect and knew he'd get me out after things went down wrong.”
"Yeah, he strikes me as the type to be able to guide without causing a freak out. I think he's going to do great."
“You’re gonna be great, too, Sam. I trust you.”
Sam nodded, taking a spoonful of soup. "I'm going to try."
“I'm hoping against all hope, there won't be, but with Lilith, there could be body count, Sam. You two are all we got on the outside. Okay?”
"We'll be there, Dean," he promised.
“I'm holding both of you to that, Sammy. Let's get the computers out and plan a second cabin, or a major enlargement of the one we're gonna have. Could be two families and Bobby living in it.
He grinned. "I like that idea. You done eating?"
Eating a last bite of his fruit, Dean grinned. “Yeah.”
Sam grabbed his computer, nibbling on his fruit.
Dean brought out his and set it up.
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